My dad looks after my mom who has mild Alzheimer's. She will not eat for him. Any suggestion that he makes, she complains greatly. How do you deal with the complaining. And I mean complaining about everything!

HI Michelle and welcome to this supportive Online Community.

The challenges your family faces with eating are not uncommon. Many families see their loved one’s interest in food and ability to know what and how to eat change because of the disease. Your mom’s ability to know when to eat, what to eat, and even that she needs to eat are diminishing. Some persons with Alzheimer’s cannot interpret the physical signal of being hungry, or when and what they eat could be impeded by their memory. Taste and smell are also affected by this disease and so your mom’s interest in the food available may affect her desire to eat.

Many families have tried various techniques to help their loved one eat, and be satisfied by the food they are served. One key technique is to limit all discussions about what she wants to eat or when she wants to eat. She may not have an answer to those questions because of her changes, and you may see her become agitated and complain because of that confusion. Instead of suggesting something to eat, try be direct and make food you may have known her to like in the past. For example Lasagna- when the lasagna is ready to be eaten make a plate for her and whoever is eating with her. Call her in for dinner and sit down and begin to eat. This modeling behavior may signal to her that she needs to eat. Again limit the discussion about what she should eat or what she wants to eat and instead be direct.

If you find your mom is uninterested in the food, and it may be related to its taste, there are some other technique that may attract her to the food. Some families add sweetener to the foods to attract their loved ones. Persons with dementia are very attracted to sweet flavored foods. Many times these foods can be very bad for you- donuts, cookies, candy, soda, etc. Adding sweeting flavors to vegetables, potatoes, meats, etc can offer them the taste they enjoy, but also provide their needed nutrition

This link will direct you to a document which offers even more tips regarding eating in all stages. Some suggestions may apply to you more than others. http://www.alz.org/national/do...opicsheet_eating.pdf

Complaining can be such a challenging to work with. You and your dad can try your very best to provide her with what she wants and needs, yet still you find her to be upset and not interested. If you find your mom begins to complain it may be that she is upset or agitated. This type of response is very typical for persons living with Alzheimer’s as they are having a more difficult time navigating their environment. Your mom’s complaining may be her way of communicating to you and your dad that she is uncomfortable. It may help to log when she complains. This way you can look back and see if there are any triggering events, conversations, or times of day that precipitated her complaining. Then you may be able to alter such events to avoid complaining.

If you find your mom is more upset lately, angry, uncomfortable, etc- I would encourage an evaluation by her primary physician. Such changes may need to be evaluated to see if there are other medical conditions contributing to these behaviors if they are new. Also, if depression or anxiety is associated with this new behavior medications may be prescribed to assist her regulation of those emotions.

Please call our helpline to talk more about this and anything else you and your family may be experiencing. We are here to help. Let us know how we can call 800.272.3900

Bests,