My mother was experiencing severe short term memory loss, was very depressed, had a lot of paranoid thinking, and was drinking fairly heavily for a 92 year old woman at the time that my father died in January of 2006. She had a strong immediate grief reaction -- I don't think she knew he was as ill as he was -- that lasted for a few hours. Then her affect became almost blunted. We never saw tears or sadness of any kind, about my father's death again. But a few weeks after his death, she began to hear my father's voice, and the voice told her very distressing (and we think largely untrue) things, to the point where she was talking about my father telling her to kill herself. She was hospitalized, and returned to a sort of equilbrium. I should mention also that she had to leave her home of 30+ years and come live with me (and then in a facility near me).

Now, more than 18 months later, she is once again hearing distressing things from my father, and asking repeatedly whether he is in fact dead.

What I am wondering about is, what does a typical grief reaction look like for a person with Alzheimer's? Do they typically struggle to understand the loss, and find some way to grieve it?

I feel that my mother's grief is breaking through her defenses now, although it is taking the form of sadness that my father, in the afterlife, is asking her for a divorce and has taken up with someone else.

She is probably in mid-stage Alzheimer's, with the possibility that her diagnosis is really Lewy Body Dementia, or a mixture.

Dear SantaT,

Hello, and thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community.

It's hard to fathom that we are approaching a dreadful anniversary. Soon it will be 6 years on Tuesday, when terror hit the United States. Some wish to forget that day while others reflect, and remember where they were, and loved ones they lost. I bring this up to you to day, that relaying catastrophic, traumatic events to those who have Alzheimer's disease presents an interesting dilemma. People with the disease are scared and frustrated by their inability to communicate their feelings. The caregiver's emotional state can also contribute to behavioral problems.
Some tips can be helpful for you in the grieving process for your mother. Evaluate your own emotional state. Expressions of sadness or worry can cause anxiety, fear, and other reactions (delusions) for your mother. reduce emotional and environmental stressors for people with dementia. Being reminded of things, or hearing/seeing devastating news can cause an increase in behavioral problems or agitation. Utilize distractions to focus her attention elsewhere. Use calming soothing approaches towards the situations, and for her hallucinations, follow this website, http://www.alz.org/documents/national/FSHallucinations.pdf

Should you have any questions, please feel free to call (800) 272-3900. We are available 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Thank you for using the Online Communty.

Sincerely,

Clifton, Care Consultant
Ahzheiemr's Association