My name is Renee. For the last four years I have watched my step fathers mom suffer from alzheimers. His mother Bette has four children and none of them want to take care of her. Not even my step dad. He pushes it onto my sister and my mom. She is continually eating everything, scratching herself until she is bleeding, hitting, biting, and kicking, name calling and just plain rude. I am tired of watching my mother and sister unwilling taking her abuse because her family does not want to see it. we have helped her for the last four years but there is nothing we can do for her anymore. She does not remember what day it is, what she did two minutes ago or who we are. She directs all her abuse towards my family yet sees her family as angels. My mother wants to put her in a nursing home but my step father wont do it with out his mothers permission. Is there anything I can do to convince him to try? what are the laws about putting the elderly into nursing homes with and with out permission? I am just fed up with seeing my family go through this when it is not even our blood. Maybe I am selfish but I do not see how we can help her anymore. And what if the punching and biting and kicking is just the start of the violence?

Dear Renee,

You are on the right track to be concerned for your mother and sister. Alzheimer’s disease is a difficult disease and it demands a lot of energy, time and effort from the caregiver. This gets very difficult when all family members do not share the load of caregiving equally. It must be frustrating for your mother and sister to be able to care for stepfather’s mom when his family is not helping out. Since the disease is demanding and time-consuming for the caregivers, it is important for them to receive lots of support. Have you considered having a family meeting with a social worker? In a family meeting, you can discuss the importance of everyone being part of the caregiving process in order to reduce the stress for mother and sister.

Regarding your question on whether you can place stepfather’s mom in the nursing home without her permission, it depends upon whether someone has power of attorney over her. Usually, the person who has power of attorney can make the decision of placing the person with disease in a care facility. This may vary in each state; you may contact your local chapter to find out about the rules in the facilities in your area.

You also talked about stepfather's mom's violent behavior. This is a common issue among people with disease. It is important to know, however, that if she is placing herself or others in danger due to her violent behavior, you may call 911 and have them take her to the hospital for an evaluation. This evaluation includes psychiatric and medical and doctors may prescribe her medication that can help her to be stable.

Please call our helpline during weekday business hours to get in touch with the local chapter to find out about local resources and assistance. You may also call our helpline to speak with a Care Consultant further about this. Thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community.

Sincerely,

Mini V.

My mother and step father have a power of attorney with her and she is also on meds, three times a day which includes seriquol and other medications. they were working but lately her behavoir has gotten worse and worse. Is there any way to just have her evaluated at the doctors and see what they say? Is there a "test" my step grandmother would have to "pass"

Dear Renee,

Yes, your step-grandmother can be evaluated by the doctor to increase dosage of medication or to change the medication to help stabilize her behavior. Please feel free to call our 24-hour helpline if you have further questions regarding this. Once again, thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community.

Sincerely,

Mini V.