My father has become obsessed with his handguns, which we removed from the house. He will not stop asking for them, and has become verbally abusive to my sister and my mother. Do we return them (without ammo, of course) to stop the anger, or continue to tell him he "gave them away" and keep them elsewhere?

Dear Lori:

While you are waiting for your reply from the Alzheimer's professionals; please DO NOT return his guns and ammo to him. This would be highly inappropriate and possibly dangerous.

The professionals will reply soon.

Dear Lori,

Johanna's advice is appropriate. Do not return the guns to your father, even without ammo. You had the foresight to eliminate them from the home which took strength and was absolutely the right thing to do. It would not be worth the risk of any kind of accident happening. Also, while giving his guns back to him may appease him for a short time, he will most likely become agitated and aggressive again about an entirely different issue.

It is more than frustrating to care for a loved one with dementia - especially when they are verbally abusive and agitated. I don't know a lot about your specific situation, but here are some general guidelines to follow

1) Keep safety as the top priority (your father's safety as well as the rest of the family)

2) Don't get caught up in trying to explain all of the reasoning behind a decision that has upset him (in this case why he can't have the guns) When he asks for the guns, respond with a short, simple sentence "you gave them away" or "they're not here" and then try and switch topics. If he continues, keep minimizing your response. Shrug your shoulders and shake your head (disengage from a verbal argument). Keep trying to divert his attention or switch topics. Move into a different room, have someone call him on the phone to talk about something else.

3) If he continues to be agitated and verbally abusive, be sure to speak with his doctor about any medications that might help him calm down. Also, consider whether an uncomfortable medical condition may be causing him discomfort and exacerbating his aggression. See Behavioral and psychiatric symptoms of AD

4) Get physical and emotional relief and support for the caregivers when they need it.

Always feel free to call our helpline 1-800-272-3900 to talk in more detail about your family's situation.

Sincerely,

Thank you for your prompt response. My sister had also called your hotline and heard the same advice. We will stick with this. Thanks again.
Lori