My mom has dementia and currently still lives at home with my dad. She was diagnosed roughly 2 years ago, but we've noticed a sharp decline with her over the past 6 months. She is now having frequent bathroom accidents along with forgetting how to walk and swallow at times. My dad is 75 and we are all starting to feel like this is too much for him to maintain. We want to start the process of preparing her for to move to care facility, but not really sure the right steps to follow. The pressing questions that come to my mind are:

Does she need an evaluation from a doctor before going in?
Is there a certain point or signs that indicate is time for her to go?
What types of facilities should we be evaulating?
Is there a website that provides a review of facilities and their strengths and weaknesses?
Is there anything else we should be considering as we start this process?

My parents are in good shape from a legal and financial standpoint. We hired a lawyer just about this time last year that specializes in alzhemier's/dimensia situations.

Thanks for your help.

John

Dear John,

You presented a number of important issues associated with transitioning a person with dementia into a residential facility. Your questions are good ones.

I would suggest that you try our "Care Finder" link on the homepage. I think it will be very helpful. Also, feel free to contact your local chapter through the "Find Us Anywhere" link. They can provide referral lists of facilities in your local area.

Thanks for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community.

Best wishes,

Charlie

John, I'm sure the care consultant will provide you with useful information. Sorry to hear about your mother, and it's great that you all are feeling protective of her and your father. Of utmost importance is whether your family has its paperwork in order. Do both parents have a durable power of attorney in place, along with health care power of attorney and living will? I imagine your greatest task will be convincing your father to let go. He may feel like he's a failure as a husband if he agrees that your mother's care is too much for him. Do your folks have anyone coming into the home to help them yet? Perhaps that is a useful first step. If your mother received a diagnosis, then it would be useful to contact her primary care physician and find out if there's a case manager on staff. That person could be invaluable to your parents by assessing their needs and making recommendations and even arranging services. Because of privacy laws, however, unless you have health care power of attorney for your mother and/or father, the doctor's staff will not consult with you directly, but you can and should write a letter to the doctor telling her or him of your concerns about your mother and asking the office to initiate a call to the home and telling your mother and father it's time for them to schedule a check up. Then you can go along and ask if it's ok for you to go into the room with them so you can make sure that your parents' true deficiencies are on view to the doctor. Good luck. Beth in SC.