My father lived with us for 2yrs until it got to the point that my husband & I could no longer take care of him. It was extremely hard 2 place him in a nursing home because he had to be admitted into a hospital for 3 consecutive days, yet the ER doctors would not admit him. His personal doctor absolutely knew dad needed to be placed somewhere. We had to get him in a behavioral place in order to get him in a facility! He's been in this nursing home since April 2009. In August , he was sent to a local behavioral place because they said he was arguing & threatening the 2 other residents in his room. He stayed there 9 days & then was transfered back to same nursing home. He has been much better ever since. The nursing home allows supervised smoking breaks on a patio/porch at back of building & the nurses keep the patient's cigarettes & the patients are of course, not allowed 2 have a lighter.
Recently, I have been told that they have seen my dad (& others) smoking on the front porch. We have discussed this problem w/the social worker there & her reply is " we've told your dad not to be doing this anymore & if he does he'll be out of here". I asked her how does she expect him to remember & understand this because its been proven that his short-term is completely shot!
3 days ago, she called me & told me that I had 2 come get my father, because they're evicting him! I've talked to the main lady over there also & she has gave me until Wednesday. (2days sunday night) I asked them 2 put a wonder guard on him & they will not because they said he doesnt wonder off. Its hard 2 believe that this's their only solution! This's on his permanant record now, so other nursing homes quickly tell me no. Surely this cant be right? He was under their care but is being evicted because he cant remember. I was the only 1 of my family that would take care of him & I cannot do this again, especially now! We have 2 work & provide 4our children. I am not here much. It had gotten dangerous when he lived here b4. Im not chancing my children's life like that again. I love my dad so very much & I feel so badly that they're treating him this way! Its not right. Can someone out there PLEASE HELP? Im almost out of time. Im afraid they'll just walk him to the busy highway close to the facility. Im very scared for him.

Call the Omsbudsman & talk to her/him.......I don't think they can kick him out legally.........

Sorry, I'm not a care consultant and I really don't have any advice to give you other than since no one has responded to you here, call the 24/7 Alz Assoc. hotline at 800.272.3900 and see if you can get someone there to help.

I think the way they are treating you and your dad is deplorable and only giving you a couple of days is just, well, trying to not get really nasty here, inhumane.

I truly hope they wouldn't put him out on the street. There must be a department for abuse of the elderly that you can get in touch with.

Hopefully the hotline can guide you for the proper help.

Best wishes

thank you Becky. I plan to call that number 1st thing in the morning. Oh & at 1st when they called me Thursday evening they told me 2 come get him the next day. Then I called them back & they finally said I could wait until wednesday. This all seems like a bad bad dream. Most everyone there is nice. Its really just that demented social worker! Something is very wrong w/that woman. I will not stand 4this, & plan to contact whoever I need to in Georgia about this social worker and/or facility. First priority is getting a new place 4 my dad though. Thank you for responding.

wanted to add 1 thing I'd 4got to in original post. ....

I absolutely understand policies & safety & protecting the well being of other residents at the NH. What I do not understand is why evicting him is their only solution. They could but will not put a wonder guard on dad. This would solve the whole smoking/safety issue because then he could not go onto front porch. Thats why I am now sure that there is more behind this.

Thanks 2 all who listen to my problem. I'm very thankful for the alz.org for letting us unload & hopefully get the help we need. Wish I'd knew of this a long time back.

I agree something else must be going on. The reason family has to put their loved ones in the supposed trained professional nursing homes is because they have run out of solutions or circumstances prevent them from further caring for them at home. They are supposed to have the solutions. You'd think they would at least refer you to another facility that can handle the problem.

Hope you can find a fast and easy solution.

Take care of yourself

Dear jeffnkel06,

I am so sorry to hear about your distressing situation. I’m so glad you have written to us and I hope you will call the helpline in the morning. Ask to speak to a Care Consultant. The Care Consultant can talk with you about your options going forward and arrange for the local chapter to provide you with some referrals for reliable dementia care facilities in the area.

I agree with the other contributors; it is unfortunate that you and your father have been treated so shabbily. A responsible social worker would provide you with referrals at the very least. I also don’t understand how a facility that accepts residents with dementia can evict someone for displaying behavioral symptoms common to dementia. Also, to expect someone with a memory impairment to follow a smoking policy without prompting and supervision is just absurd. Perhaps you and your father will be better off with a more suitable placement.

If you are pressured to pick him up, do not do so. Explain that for his safety, and for the safety of yourself and your children, he cannot be discharged to your home. Tell them that you are working to find an appropriate placement and will not accept a discharge until one is located. They can always discharge him to the hospital if they can’t keep him there. Then the hospital social worker can also assist you with placement.

I hope you will report this situation to the National Long-Term Care Ombudsman Resource Center. As their website describes, Ombudsmen are advocates for residents of nursing homes, board and care homes and assisted living facilities. They can provide information about how to find a facility and what to do to get quality care. They are trained to resolve problems. You can also talk with them confidentially about problems. They can direct you to the correct ombudsman to assist you within your state.

NORC
1828 L Street, NW, Suite 801
Washington, DC 20036
202-332-2275 (phone)
202-332-2949 (fax)
ombudcenter@nccnmhr.org (e-mail)

The website is www.ltcombudsman.org

Don’t allow them to rush you or to scare you. You have rights and your father has rights. They have accepted a commitment of care and they are bound to honor their agreements.

We are here to assist you; you are not alone with this problem. Call our 24-hour helpline @ 1-800-272-3900.

Best wishes,
Kathleen

Thank you all so much for your help! Thank you Kathleen for the very helpful & much needed info you provide! Im making the call 2 the help line right now.

I've been in touch with the helpline from alz.org & I have been talking to my GA chapter. She, as well as myself have left messages 4 the Ombudsman, at 2 different offices yesterday & today. Neither of us have recieved a call back from them. She even left a msg at the main office in Atlanta. My question is, what do I do at this point. I have already told the administrator at the NH that I do not have a place to put my dad & that I am coming up with nothing when trying to place him in another NH. Not 1 person at the NH my dad's being evicted from, has offered to help not 1 time. So, do I just wait until the deadline they gave me (which is tomorrow 11/4/09) & let them discharge dad to a hospital?

Dear Kelli,

I usually hear that the National Long-Term Care Ombudsman has been helpful and responsive. I’m so sorry that this is not the case in this instance. This must be unbelievably nerve-wracking for you.

I would ask the nursing home administrator to extend the deadline until you are able to find a suitable placement. If they refuse, then I would ask them what they plan to do to remove him. They may threaten to call APS if you do not pick him up. Well, let them. When an APS social worker contacts you, fill them in about all the steps that you have taken to try to locate a safe placement. Document everything that has happened thus far, and when. From everything that you have shared with us, I believe you are taking all reasonable steps to respond to the situation; the nursing home is not. The nursing home may elect to hospitalize him. That’s fine. He’ll be in a safe place with his behavior and medication monitored, and the hospital social worker can help you sort this out.

My advice is to document everything. Print this message board correspondence as a part of your documentation. Keep a record of everybody you’ve spoken to, and when, and the content of the discussion. Write down everything you have done in your father’s behalf to care for him and remedy this situation.

From my experience, I’m guessing that the nursing home will not want to look neglectful. They may try to pressure you, but they will not put themselves in a position of being accused of jeopardizing your father’s health and safety. They will not want to have to explain their actions to watchdog organizations such as NORC and APS.

Continue to partner with the local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. They have a reputation for being amazing advocates and will do whatever they can to make things happen. Call our helpline as needed.

Please remember that taking him into your home is not an option, for his safety, and also for your children’s safety.

Keep us informed. I’m sorry that you are going through this, but you will land on your feet. The end result of all of this is that your father will be living in a safe place with competent caregivers.

Yours,
Kathleen

Thank you so much Kathleen. I really appriciate all the helpful information! I can't tell you how much it means, to not feel completely alone in this. I guess the Ombudsman has been very busy. I'm going to try to call again today.