I’d like some advice about my MIL, 85. She has virtually no short-term memory and repeats herself a lot. She is forever “taking inventory” of a room, a cabinet or her purse, or maybe even her children or number of miscarriages she had. For several years now she has told me four or five times per conversation about her long-dead mother’s “dry catarrh,” each time as though it might be news to me. The word “bread” leads to one particular story, any mention of marriage leads to another and so on and on, each one a story from her childhood. Recently she has begun mixing up those stories with ones about her children.
She never gets lost, but then again she has lived in her neighborhood for 85 years, in her house for 55 of those years. She still drives (to my terror, but that’s nothing new) and trims her hedges. Physically she is in great shape, excluding high blood pressure and arthritis. I think she has managed extraordinarily well with the help of her faith, a very detailed calendar and many years of routine.
She has not been able to balance her checkbook for several months now, after 50 years of keeping the books for her husband’s business. She is unable to concentrate long enough to sew after many years of wedding gowns and suits of her own design. A couple of years ago she was too confused to fix a meal for four of us, so I have taken over holidays to spare her that. She has taken to returning a single can of baked beans to the grocery store for a refund, or she’ll just go in and exchange something by herself without notifying anybody that she’s doing it. I’m waiting for the police to call.
My husband, a CPA, had told her for months that he would take over her checkbook for her, and one night she tearfully asked him to do it. He had the address changed and put her account online so he could discreetly keep track of what bills she was paying. As soon as her bank statement didn’t come, though, she trotted down to the bank and demanded they print one for her and change the address back. She called us very upset with the bank. She didn’t remember asking for help with it in the first place. She has screwed up several utilities accounts, and there are some tax problems because she will deposit checks from investments her accountant (my husband) knows nothing about. She can’t remember what they are either. She wants help when she’s over her head but doesn’t remember asking for help and is offended.
I don’t know how to say this without sounding disrespectful to my mother-in-law, when the opposite is true. She really doesn’t have many memories or breadth of experience or education to draw from, so she would have to repeat her stories more often than other people, wouldn’t she? She has always done that. Also, the woman has never been much of a listener anyway. I remember being so frustrated when I first married into this family that she never listened to anything I said, just told me her stuff. Now that has all intensified. Maybe I am just sick of her stories and we are worrying unnecessarily? But…something is wrong. Could it be AD?
Sorry to run on so long!

I would be worried when an accountant can no longer balance her check book. The non existent memory and the confused stories sound like dementia, but she will need to see her MD to be diagnosed and to rule out any treatable causes for her confusion. Your husband really needs to step up to the plate, make certain that he has DPOA, and understands his moms medical advanced directives, he ( or you) needs to have your name on all of her bank accounts and safe deposit boxes. He also needs to talk her into seeing her MD, and probably into seeing a good geriatric neurologist. The care consultant may have better suggestions for you, take care.

When I look back, and listening to your story, I really should have known long before I did. The checkbook, the sewing, my Mom started losing those skills over 2 years ago, but she said the form was different so I just thought she was being stubborn. But, that was just her excuse for not knowing how to do it anymore. I had her hem a pair of shorts for me, and one leg was sewn together, or, it would be very messy, not like she used to do it. Yes, sadly, these can be, not definitely, but can be signs. Please take her to see a neurologist as soon as possible. Tell her that it may be something that can be helped, the sooner the better.

If you have some time, look at the Enbrel for Alzheimer's thread in Medications and Treatments, I am taking my Mom for treatments, and all I can think of is that if this treatment was available back then, she would be in a better place than she's in right now.

Good-Luck and let's hope it's something else.

Felicia

Yes, I agree. Your mother-in-law may have A/D and should get the process of diagnosis started by visiting her GP or a neurologist. Who knows...Everyone could get lucky and something rectifiable could be causing some of her problems.

If, after receiving a A/D diagnosis, you do decide to read the Enbrel thread as Felicia has suggested...Remember that the off-label use of Enbrel at best is a tool for fighting Alz. and not a cure. Before deciding...Ponder the risk/gain ratio. Even if she receives off-label Enbrel injections...Your mother-in-law probably will keep repeating the same stories. (Older people are notorious for doing that) She still may not be able to sew or balance a check book or be able to do those functions with the same ease that she did years ago.

Welcome to the forums---Cherie

Dear The Thin Girl,

The description you posted regarding your mother-in-law looks very similar to AD symptoms. Please refer to following website links for 10 warning signs of AD and information regarding AD. http://www.alz.org/national/documents/brochure_10warnsigns.pdf
http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_what_is_alzheimers.asp

It would be best for your mother-in-law to be evaluated by a neurologist or a geriatric specialist for a diagnosis and to rule out any other medical reasons for her symptoms.

Feel free to call our 24-hour helpline for further questions or concerns. Thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online community.

Sincerely,

Mini V.

Thank you for your replies. Things are progressing maddeningly slowly, but they are progressing.

My husband has had her DPOA and medical releases for several years; likewise, he has been on all her accounts for some time. She insists that she wants to pay her own bills and balance her checkbook. It's a huge pain in the neck, but he's indulging her for now. I wouldn't be so generous, but it's his time he's spending.

It was very difficult to get her to talk to the doctor about her memory lapses, which she denies. My husband and brother-in-law had to ambush her at her regular appointment with her GP. He followed a suggestion I saw on this site and wrote to the doctor the week before her appointment to let him know why they were there. She covered her lapses very well, as usual. The doctor ordered blood tests and referred her to a neurologist.

Today she saw the neurologist and was well on her way to sailing through that exam too. Then the doctor asked her to recall three words he had given her earlier and she couldn't do it. She didn't even recall his asking her to remember them. She was just bristling with indignation that he would ask her to do such a silly thing! Hubby said the doc seemed a little taken aback that she wouldn't even try to recall the three words. That was the end of the exam.

She is to have an MRI next week. She has a morbid dread of the MRI and I am worried she won't stay in it long enough. At least she has heard from a physician that there is a problem with her memory and it is not just her family trying to "put her away."

Frankly, today's visit was a relief for us even though we still don't really know anything.

Again, thanks for your replies.