My dad died of this disease now my stepdad is. He has other problems such as heart and advanced copd. Here lately he has been getting worse with walking, seeing things, just overall getting worse. He is starting to sleep more and been getting more headaches, a lot more plus his feet and hands are changing color. His feet are turning red and his face and ands are getting pail with a bluish ting to his hands. I know it wont be long but cant believe he is still with us. My mom on the other hand is the hardest one. She started with dementia a couple years ago and is still in denile. "Theres nothing wrong with me I just am dealing with a lot." But I read the 36 Hour Day and its an excelent book. I have no doubt she is going down hill quick but cant seem to get help from the dr's around here. She is the explosive type when you say something she doesnt like. She will have no problem knocking me on my butt. My kids and I moved in to take care of them and its my 11 yr old and me still here. My 11 yr old is adhd but I dont have much trouble with that untill my mom provokes it which shes starting to do more and more. How do I keep going on without loosing my mind? How do I get my mom help? I know shes going through a lot but she has her dr buffalowed and she needs a mild seditive before she does hit someone. If I say something to help or point something out that doesnt seem right weather its something she thinks for my dad or whatever, I can see hate in her eyes and that mad as heck look and its time to shut up and get out of dodge. Please tell me some advice that may help. Adult protective has been out once cause my dad smokes and has oxygen but they see we do it the same as a nursing home would so theres no problem with that. And by the way I used to work in nursing homes as an aide and it was much easier there. Thanks!

Hello Doris Ann,

It sounds like you have been through quite a lot in the past and are still dealing with many complicated and difficult situations at once. It also sounds as though you are a very patient and giving person. I can certainly see why you feel overwhelmed as a caregiver for your step-dad, your mother, and your son. That is quite a lot of responsibility. Please see Caregiver Stress

My first piece of advice for you is to get help for your household. You may already have some professional in-home help in place but if not, I would certainly suggest that you seek referrals for in-home respite care or even hospice care for your step dad if he is at that point. See the Eldercare Locator. Also, if you have an informal network of friends, neighbors, and family, I would suggest asking them for whatever kind of help they would be able to provide (laundry, cooking, taking your son somewhere, calling you to tell you a joke every day...whatever - be creative). Just get some relief for yourself so that you do not "lose your mind" as you said.

Regarding trying to get some medication to help calm your mother down, I would suggest that you write down the symptoms that you see and try to communicate this with her doctor. If you need more specific advice about how to get your mother to the doctor, please call our helpline at 1-800-272-3900 and one of our counselors can help you formulate a plan that takes into consideration the specifics of your situation.

If your mother has the potential to become physically aggressive, it is important for you to have a plan for what you will do if this occurs. If she becomes physically aggressive, please call 911 for an ambulance and let them know that her aggression is dementia-related. They may be able to bring her to an ER and possibly admit her to a psychiatric unit for stabilization and some medication management. Also, be assertive with your mother's doctor. Call her doctor and be sure that he/she is aware of these dynamics.

Again, please call us if you would like to discuss any of this in further detail. I hope that you find some rest and some peace of mind each day.

Sincerely,

We do have a nurse and an aide that comes out. That does help. My daughter is slowly understanding. As far as talking to her dr I do have durable power of attorny but he wont speak with me unless shes there according to the girls in the office. My mom has her dr thinking shes ok just a little stressed.