I am new today. My huband is 78 and has some form of dementia. He is a stubborn man and always has been. He has c.o.p.d.,diabeties,heart with lots of extra beats. He wants to stay in bed all time only gets up to eat and go to the bathroom. He WILL not shower, or take a sponge bath and he does not want to change his clothes. We have a home care girl coming in and he took 3 showers for her but now he has balked at that. He wants to eat every time he wake up. He weight has gone from 180 to 235. I feel like my hands are tied. He will not reason with any one about the bath. He use to do any thing for our daughter and G-son, but not any more. He is on oxygen all time and geting weaker all time. the Dr. has told us to fill out forms for the v.a. home. That is hard to do,because if he would just take a shower, we could handle it yet. He can beat any one at a game of checkers, I can't understand that.

The ability to reason and the ability to smell are among the things that are lost in this disease. I wish that I had good answers but I dont. Bribery works for some people, if food is all he is interested in than breakfast or desert will be served after his shower. Does he have a shower chair, and a hand held, or positionable shower noozle. He may also need someone to help him step by step with the showering, soaping, rinsing and drying with warm towels etc.

Dear kathleen l

There may be a number of reasons why your husband may not want to take a shower. Hygiene is an important area to be taken care of to keep anyone healthy. This concept is difficult for people with disease to understand because their judgment is impaired, or they might not remember whether they showered or not. They may be afraid of water or they may have forgotten how to take a shower. Therefore, it is definitely difficult when a person with disease refuses to accept any assistance in taking care of hygiene.

Your husband might need gentle constant reminders and explanations on taking a shower or bath. Sometimes, it might help to use similar approaches as you would in encouraging a child to take a bath. You may provide a reinforcer, such as, icecream, a massage, lots of compliments, etc. vjh has suggested some good and practical ideas. Food may work as a reinforcer since he loves food. If he still does not shower, you might want to give him a sponge bath or use no rinse soap such as Septa-Soft, manufactured by Calgon-Vestal. If none of the above strategies work, you may consult with his doctor for possible medication that may help him be calm before taking a bath.

Your doctor’s recommendation of placing him in a V.A. home may help relieve your stress and provide energy to give him emotional care. However, I do admire your desire to keep him home to try everything you can to help him with this issue. Your husband is definitely lucky to have you there beside him even though you may be getting little or no appreciation from him. I encourage you to feel free to contact our 24-hour helpline if you need support or would like to discuss further with a Care Consultant.

I wish you the best and thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community.

Sincerely,

Mini V.

Thanks so much for your input. We have tried all these things, especially the food. He just says he does'nt care if he eats or not and then a few minutes later he will say he is hungry. I tried one day to hold his lunch and the L.P.N.came in and checked his sugar and it was 59. so that didn't work.We have all the shower equipment that you mention.I am about to give up!

Dear kathleen l

It must be frustrating and discouraging to have already tried a lot of different techniques to help your husband bathe, and not get any results. However, I encourage you not to give up. Sometimes, you may have to try the same techniques at different times, several times to find out if they would work. If asking the caregiver aid to try those ideas may help you relieve your stress, do that.

I encourage you to call our 24-hour helpline and speak with a Care Consultant about this issue. It might be beneficial for you to obtain immediate and objective feedback on your ideas or techniques you have already tried.

Please go to the following website for more reading information on bathing: http://www.alz.org/documents/national/topicsheet_bathing.pdf. If you have not already done so, you may also look in the Caregiver Forum for ideas from other caregivers.

Once again, I thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online community.

Sincerely,

Mini V.

Praise report! My husband has been doing better with our in home care, about taking a shower. We have been geting about 2 showers a week lately. The massage promise helped one time.
He is getting use to Christina our personal care worker and likes her. He likes to argue when he is in a bad mood or good mood. She will argue back,and he likes that. She doesn't always get him to clean up tho. Thank you klp

Dear Kathleen L

Thank you for posting your success story. It is encouraging and I'm sure many caregivers and family members would benefit from it. Please continue to use our online message boards for other questions or updates. I wish you the best in providing quality care for your husband.

Thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community.

Sincerely,

Mini V.