My name is Matt and I am 30 years old. My Wife and I sold everything and moved into my grandmother home to take care of her. About a two years ago my grandmother started losing alot of weight, and I got a call from my father to come look after my grandmother. This is strange becuase my father does not ask for help, his is to proud. So my wife and I go over to my grandmothers house to check on her and she was white as a ghost. Also she said she was freezing cold when her house was at 80 degrees and she had blankets on. I rushed her to the hospital and the doctor told us if we didn't bring her in when we did she would of pasted away!! So after two weeks in the hospital she finally got to come home, we hired a caregiver for her but she threw her out. So I started coming by everyday to feed her lunch and dinner. My father decided to just walk away becuase he couldn't handle the anger or memory lose. So that is when my wife and I decided to take care of her. So now that you have some history. We are new to this! We could use all the help we can. I have started to do a lot of research on line. Here is what I am having troulbe with, She won't bath, she wears the same clothes for four or five days before I ask her if we need to do laundry, she just gets angry and says no!! She is always negitive,angry, frustrated. If I don't cook for her she won't eat or she tells me she eat, when she didn't. Then she gets angry when I cook and put food in front of her. She won't go to the doctors. Anyways I need help and feel alone in this adventure. My wife is working two jobs to supports us as I have stopped working to take care of my grandmother. I love my wife!! She is the greatest. So any suggestions?

Dear Matt, It is kind and generous of you and your wife to take such care of your grandmother.Dementia is a very hard disease as everyone on the forum learns. It may help to think of your grandmother as a child. She needs to see her MD and get medication to help her control her emotions and to allow you to help her more easily. Respiradol is what worked for my mom but there are many other medications. Get her to her MD whether you have to trick her or lie to her. If you do not have DPOA then you may need to get that from her, or become her quardian. If you do a search you will find that many dementia patients have a hard time with hygiene, bathing and washing clothes and a number of different methods have worked after a fashion for others. Look for a local support group, this will also be of help to you and your family. Check out the caregivers forum to get more feedback and suggestions.

MattB,

As vjh has stated, it is incredibly giving on your part to devote the time, energy, and passion to caring for your grandmother. I would simply echo many of the tips that vjh suggests, that is, you may eventually need to trick your grandmother to get her to go to the doctor if she continues to be resistant. Once there, whether or not a particular medication is appropriate for addressing some of the behavioral and psychiatric symptoms associated with this condition is a different question altogether and should be collaborated upon with the attending physician. And as for obtaining a durable power of attorney (DPOA), as was suggested, a DPOA is simply a legal document that authorizes an agent, i.e., a family member or friend such as yourself, to make legal, financial, and health care decisions on behalf of a person who can no longer make these decisions on their own. This is something that you might want to look into for future consideration and for planning purposes, but you may need to refer to an elder law attorney in your jurisdiction as many of the legal definitions concerning Alzheimer's relevant terms such as capacity/incapacity differ from state to state. The website, www.naela.org, is a primary source for obtaining referal information for elderly law attorneys in your area.

Morever, with respect to the issue of bathing, the first thing here may be to get a sense for why your grandmother so stubbornly refuses to bathe. Accordingly, she may not know what bathing is for; may feel afraid or cold; or may simply experience some discomfort associated with the lack of modesty. Whatever the underlying reasons, caregivers sometimes find it helpful to keep the room temperature warm and reduce bright lights; break the activity down into smaller steps, i.e., wash different parts at different times; make the person feel in control, that is involve the person through each step of the bathing process; experiment to determine if the person prefers showers or tub baths and what time of day is best; or simply try bathing later or on another day as you've already been doing.

And as for your grandmother's eating and nutrition, there's a previous post by "Aggie53" entitled "How to get the Alzheimer's patient to eat again" in which we provide tips regarding the said topic. Additionally, please feel free to call us at 800-272-3900 if you have any remaining questions or if you'd like a listing of support groups in your local area. Thanks for using the message boards.

Welcome. Sorry to hear your family has been thrust into the world of Alzheimer's dementia.

You've received some real good advice. In addition to that I'd suggest you look for the book "THE 36 HOUR DAY." Many book stores should have it but also check Amazon.com. I ordered mine there and got it in about 7 days. You'll hear that book mentioned several times over. There are many other sources of Alzheimer's and caregiving books others here may mention. I have only checked out the one I mentioned.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for all the the info and advice. I found a local support group in Orangevale! That is affilated with ALZ Assoc. They meet the first Tuesday of the month, four blocks from our home. I am excited to meet with the group!! I belive in family first! My grandmother and grandfather were my true parents, they took the time to raise me and help me through school, especially my grandfather who never graduated high school. He took the time to learn right along side me and never got frustrated with me when I didn't get it. So it is the least I can do for my grandmother. My grandfather pasted away in 1993. Looking forward to talking and leaning on everyone here through this adventure. 8-)

Matt B

I just signed up for the forum today & reading what everyone else says about their loved ones helps me not feel so alone in this problem. Maybe I'll live through this. My mother suffered so much loss this year. She was caregiver to her mother who past away in Feb & since that time my mother hasn't done well. Would that kind of loss & depression worsen her early dementia & should she be taking meds for depression?