MIL is staying with us---has two other daughters and a son who has epilepsy, who also stays with us.

Questions are:
1-MIL has property (a home) that has just sat vacant with evrything still there due to the fact the daughters are too busy to deal with it. I think denial and not wanting to.
2-MIL has money in accounts--daughter writes checks for power, eater ect on the empty house monthly....
3-2 year old car setting at house. MIL cannot drive

4---how do my husband and I get control of her(personally) and her assests in order to take care of her. At this time, everything is coming out of pocket. We have suggested over a year ago that MIL be placed in assisted living(daughter said it was too much money and took her into her home where she slept on pull out couch in basement for one year, stayed at home alone during the day and did not get taken out much)Daugher does not want to us mothers money to take care of her-wants to save it for what I am not sure) We have taken her into our home, she says she hated it there, lots of yelling and did not get to go out much. MIL is worth a great deal in property and stock. My husband and I do not have money to hire an attorny to help with this. MIL is now past the point of assisted living and now needs to be in a special place that deals with memory lose and alz. How do we get her the help she needs if daughter does not want to persue this. My husband and I both have to work full time to make it and she and BIL (who is totally dependent on us)stay at home during the day alone, but this is not going to be able to continue for much longer. They fight and argue and she is hard to deal with so he retreats to his bedroom and she is left to sleep. They do walk to breakfast, but are not usually up till almost noon....i almost feel it is safer for them to sleep as much of the day until I can get back home. I am afraid for them to walk, but it is only about 5 blocks to the restraunt. They spend a couple of hours there and come back.. like I said we are going to have make some changes soon....she is getting worse and worse and now wets herself and hides the clothing everywhere....I have to hunt and I have to MAKE her change clothes.
These are only a tip of the issues that are happening and we have to have a way to get her the help she needs and to make sure she is safe. But, the daughter will just say to bring her back, but that is no kind of existance....I jsut cannot not send her back.

Any suggestions would help - and a list of what legal documents we need in ordr to be able to make the decesions that are needed and the ability to handle her affairs in her best interest.

Thank you for your help and suggestions.

Dear Caring in VA

You and your husband are truly in a tough situation. It must be frustrating when you are taking care of your mother-in-law but the family members that are not taking care of her, are not acting in her best interest. The best option for you and your husband would be, to obtain guardianship of your MIL or a financial/medical power of attorney. You may contact your local Legal Aid for free legal advice.

Another option would be, for you to meet with a Social Worker and have a family meeting to discuss MIL's best interest. It might help to have a Social Worker present to give objective advice. You may contact Alzheimer's Association local chapter for resources for low cost legal services and referrals for Social Worker.

Your MIL is lucky to have you and your husband wanting her best interest. I encourage you not to give up and to continue advocating for her needs. Good luck and feel free to call our 24-hour toll-free number if you want to discuss the issues further with a Care Consultant. You may also call the same number during business hours to connect with the local chapter. Thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community.

Sincerely,

Mini V.