I need to find my Dad some help. My Mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimers (about 6 months ago) and my Dad is the primary caregiver for her. In a nutshell he is depressed, losing weight and is worried sick about Mom. I have been trying to let him know that I am there for him, but he does not want to burden his kids. He does not want to join a support group and does not want to tell their friends or anyone else what is wrong with Mom. I just got home from spending a few hours at his home, while Mom was out, and he finally opened up to me and did alot of crying. All I could really do to comfort him was to give him big hugs and tell him I will always be there for him and that I think both he and I should go somewhere to get us help in dealing with this. Can you make any suggestions where I can at least start to look into this? I live outside of the Milwaukee Wisconsin are. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

NancyJB,

It’s heartbreaking to see a parent’s health deteriorate as he/she goes through the emotions accepting that a loved one has Alzheimer’s disease. You have been supportive to your father by simply giving him a hug and letting him know that you are there for him if he needs help to care for your mother. You are his shoulder for him to lean on and that is exactly what your father needs at this moment. Sometimes a parent is resistant to get help from the kids because they don’t want to worry the kids or as you have stated “put burden on the kids”. Don’t pressure your father to attend a support group or seek outside help during this time. People process news differently, so give your father some time to go through his emotions in accepting that your mother has this disease. In addition, caregivers can experience depression at any point in the disease process. Stress, anger, guilt and grief related to caregiving can lead to depression. If your father is experiencing depression and it’s affecting both his physical and mental health, seek immediate help from his doctor and have your father get an evaluation for depression. Treatment for depression can include some combination of medicine, therapy, psychosocial support and activities. Attached you’ll find helpful information that you can share with your father in caring for someone that has Alzheimer's, coping and dealing with grief, mourning, and guilt.

I know it’s upsetting to see your father go through this. Therefore, continue to offer your love, comfort and support as you have to help him get through this difficult time. He is lucky to have you there for him! Please contact your local chapter for a support group near your area and local community resources. If you have any questions please write to us again or call our 24hour helpline at 1-800-272-3900.

Sincerely,