I am the youngest of 5 children and my father (65 years) has always been the "go to guy" for everything. Dad my car is making a funny noise...how do install.....where can I catch the most fish......and so on. He is a very fun loving family man who has a lot of hobbies. We have been noticing that he is becoming more forgetful and gets stories all mixed up having some trouble with some household tasks that involve tools. He has 2 siblings who died from AD and 2 that have it now. No doubt, SCARY for everyone involved (especially him). He has been to the doctor and convinced his doctor that cholesterol meds were causing memory problems and since he cut his pill in half everything is great. According to my mom, there has been no change.

He does not discuss this with any of us and often tries to prove himself "See, my memory isn't so bad after all" Do you think he knows this is happening to him? Does he notice when he mixes things up?

I would like to see him get testing to see if in fact this is AD...get on meds if appropriate but I don't know how to approach the subject. I'm afraid that if I bring it up, I will start crying and make him feel bad. He would probably handle a cancer diagnosis better then this. My siblings suggested we (me, my mom and sister) go and see his doctor to tell him what we have found. I don't think this is the best approach. If he ever found out, he would feel ambushed!

How do I start the conversation and spare his pride, dignity and feelings?

The same way you've always approached him about something touchy. The poor guy, I've been there, and I know he's living with constant fear and frustration. He'll be so much more at peace when he can accept what he knows.

Dear travlnrn,

I would agree with Alan that it would be best to approach your dad with plenty of compassion, care and reassurance that you will be there for him. It is common for people in the early stages of AD to try to hide their memory problems due to fear and frustration that others will know about it. Try not to use the words “alzheimer’s disease” or “dementia”. Instead, you may use words, such as, brain cells shrinking, memory problems, fluid in the brain, and other medical terms. You may have a discussion about having a thorough physical check up and let him know that it will make you feel better. Before your dad is evaluated by a doctor, it would be beneficial to send a fax or email of symptoms you have observed in your father. This will help the doctor with the diagnosis process.

It must be difficult for you to watch your dad having problems when you have always gone to him for help. You are doing the right thing by asking questions on how to help dad. Lack of judgment and poor decision making skills are part of the disease; therefore, your dad will most likely need you to be there for him now.

Please feel free to call our 24-hour helpline to speak with a Care Consultant for further discussion or clarification. Thank you for using the Alzheimer's Association Online Community. Alan, thank you for sharing from your experience.

Sincerely,

Mini V.

Thank you Alan and Mini. That helps a lot. I will be heading home for a visit next month and hope to take care of this when I'm home. My mom has already made an appointment for us to talk with his doctor to share what we have found. I'm not so sure this is the best thing as I feel like we are going behind his back but we need to get this information to his doctor one way or another. I kinda hope he will have an episode while I am there to open the door to a conversation about it. Such a touchy subject, and I'm so emotional about it. I wish I had a script to rehearse. I think I will call the 24 hour line for further guidance. Thanks again, Diane