My Father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2004. My StepMother passed away in Feb 2008. My Dad has lived alone since. We had in home care 3 days a week, me on Saturday's (I live about 35 miles away), and my Stepsister at various times during the week. My Dad regularly misses medicine, forgets to change clothes, forgets to shower, and does not eat right. Of course, he insists everything is fine and he doesn't miss any of those things. However, he is quit healthy physically for a 71 year old. His short term memory is basically gone. He repeats stuff over, and over, and over again. But, he has never done some of the typical Alzheimer patient stuff like wandering (he keeps both doors locked), or leaving the stove on because he never cooked. But, our doctor said it would be a good time to move him while he can still become acclimated to a new environment. He does NOT want to move. He argues about it and gets really nervous...almost paranoied..and angry. He said he doesn't understand why he has to move when he is perfectly adjusted to his home now. He will throw out any reason he can think of to stay...like "I have to cut the grass, and blow the snow off the driveway in the winter." (He hasn't driven in about 5 or 6 years). He makes me feel guilty about making him move. It's like I'm taking away all the things that he loves. I feel that we have been fortunate so far that nothing bad has happened to him as far as falling...etc. The move to assisted living is this Saturday. In need of any helpful hints, comments or advise. Thanks.

Wow, sounds so like my Dad (he's 83 yo) always "doing fine". Dad "agreed" to move for me, changed his mind, and we had to basically just tell him we couldn't back out. I worked on so many of the positive things i could think of - how since you are "retired" you can now enjoy sleeping late/watching tv, etc. How isn't it so great that you have 3 meals per day fixed for you and you don't have to do the dishes. Dad's move put him super close to me, so I told him time and again how I was so happy I could see him "all the time." It was a super big change for dad, but we kept plugging away and in about 2 weeks he settled in. I did have to hire a private duty caregiver, as dad struggled with sundowner's and had more trouble in the evenings. For my dad, that seemed to help as the evening routine was able to remain more the same. Prayers with you and your father, that he will be able to adjust quickly and enjoy his new surroundings.

When it was no longer safe for my mom to live alone, we (the family) decided that she needed to move to an ALF near me so I could take over things for her. This involved a move from Texas to Florida. Needless to say, Mom didn't agree...she had been living alone for 14 years, and she was doing just fine, thank you very much!!

We finally got her to agree to "a visit for a week or less." She has been here a month and a half, and hasn't mentioned going home a single time. I think (& hope) that on some level, she understands that "home" is just a memory, and where she is is where she will stay.

Bob, I agree with your doctor that moving your dad while he can still adjust is a good thing. I also understand the heartbreak of having to make that decision, and the difficulty of trying to find a way to explain what's going on and why. With my mom, the truth didn't work, so we had to go with "therapeutic fibs" to get her to agree.

I hope it gets easier for you, as it did for me.

Hi Bob,

You have gotten some really great responses from your fellow members. Moving is such a big transition, not only for your father, but for you as well. I hope I can offer some tips to help.

It is common to move someone with Alzheimer’s disease as early as possible because it is thought that the earlier in the disease the easier the transition. There are couple suggestions I have that may help you and your family with this move.

First, please talk to with your dad’s new Assisted Living Facility Staff (social Work, admissions director) about suggestions they have to make him feel more at home when he moves. Many families try to move their loved one while he/she is out of the house many visiting a friend for the day- that way when they arrive at their new home all of their stuff is there and it looks very similar to their old house. This may be something you could try. Other families find it important to go through the moving with their loved one, as they feel it may help with the mourning and grief- however due to the changes as a result of the dementia, this may be less likely. But throughout this transition keep in mind the huge loss your father is going through by losing his home, emotionally he may be experiencing grief related to this loss and you may find this expressed in other ways.

It is clear from what you have written that you father is very upset about the idea of moving, and makes this even harder, for sure. When you address moving with him, keep in mind that it will be important to keep what you say very simple and concrete, and if he becomes upset to recognize those feelings he has, but to not go into much more detail at that point as he could become more upset. Some families then share with their loved one that the order to move has been made by the doctor. You may try something like, “Dad, I am so sorry you are upset, I never wanted you to be upset. But, your doctor has ordered this move for your safety.”

If he does become upset, I would encourage you to let him know you understand his feelings. And if we become very upset, give him some space and try to re-direct him and change the subject to help get his mind off of it. “Dad, I am so sorry you are upset, let’s pop in the movie we rented and get our popcorn ready.”

Moving, because it can be such a major transition, is a time families find the need to be very creative with how they communicate and work with their loved one. If you are comfortable and feel it is better to use the technique like a therapeutic fib with your father regarding his move. Some families have found this can help ease the day and first couple weeks of the move. You know your dad the best, and would know what may help make him feel calmer.

After the move, it will be important to check in on how he is not only cognitively but emotionally. Work closely with the doctor and the staff at the facility to communicate your concerns, especially if there are any issues during the first months. But keep in mind this transition can take time, but it is always vital you share your concerns with the professionals involved.

Bob, if you would to receive even more tips and suggestions from your fellow caregivers please check out the caregiver’s forum part of this site http://alzheimers.infopop.cc/e...ms/a/frm/f/214102241 there you can ask your same question, and get more responses and tips for how others may have made this type of move.

Also, please call our helpline anytime you have a question about what your dad is going through, or what you may be going through. Call us anytime 800.272.3900

Best of luck and take care,

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Jaimie E.,

Thank you very much for all the responses...they are helpful. I know that on move day, my Dad will not remember the preparations we did with him, or talking about the move with his doctor. I will just keep with telling him its doctors orders and he can keep his two poodles. That seems to put him at ease. My Grandmother was not allowed pets in her apartment, so my Dad thinks he cannot keep his dogs...but he can. He just can't remember he can. Thanks again for the help.