Dad has been sick for years, diabetes, COPD, GI problems, heart, broken hip and Bipolar to mention a few, but Mom is the one with dementia. Last year Mom was diagnosed with early dementia. Since the time change in November Mom has not done well. She fell in the fall and broke her shoulder. This put a stop to her going out for walks and her bowling league. Mom has been the only care taker for my Father for over 10 years and my sisters and myself think this has taken its toll. They still live in their home of 50 years without help. They have a great support system in their neighborhood. When a friend dies or leaves for a home a child moves in. I know the neighbors check on them daily and do little tasks like grocery store runs if needed. It’s time for them to ask for more help such has cleaning the house, but she of course refuses. Any suggestion?

If you think they may be in danger--and if Mom has dementia, that's always a possibility, you can call Adult Portective Services and explain the problems. This is elder abuse--not by you but they are doing it to themselves. You should be looking for placement for both of them, your mom is only going to get worse. And, yes, caring for your dad has taken a dramatic toll on your mom. How much longer do you think she can do this?