Hello:

Below is one of many examples I do to help my mom with her personal care that I would like to share with you, in hopes that it may be of some help:

I always wait until my mom is in a very good spirits (I never pressure or rush her, because this will trigger her mood to change due to her illness) and have her help me along the way and will explain each step…Then I give her a lot of praise and “hugs” for each task completed and Thank her for helping me help her during her personal care and she always smiles and says “Thank you, too”…I always make sure she has plenty of “TLC” during this process and afterwards.

For Example:

1) Sponged bath with a “warm” wash cloth with (Dove Body Wash) her body (arms, back, front/chest, legs). (Please note, when I get to the back and chest I always tell her "with Permission” and when she allows me the permission and I proceed to clean her back and chest (if not, I immediately tell her “that’s all right, maybe next time”). Please note, sometimes I would clean one half of her body and then return the next day to clean the other half (or wait a few minutes and finish the other half the same day (it all depended on how she was feeling due to her illness).
2)Washing my mom's hair by telling her were going to the beauty shop and hand her the shampoo and conditioner and explained each step and had her help me by handing me the shampoo, then the conditioner. I also massage her scalp, dry her hair and comb it very gently. Then I gave her a great big “hug” and tell her how beautiful she looks and smells soooooooooo good! She will smile and say “Thank you”! (Please note, I also assure her that her “beautiful” hair will not be cut, it will stay long…sometimes she worries when she goes to the Beauty Shop that someone is going to cut her hair and I reassure her that this will not happen and then she is happy).
3) Wash her face and behind the ears & neck veru gently with a "warm" wash cloth: Then she will point at her check and lips which I know means to put New makeup and lipstick.
4) Pedicure (will soak and wash her feet very gently with Dove Body Wash). Also give her a foot massage as well. Then I put the cream the Doctor recommended and sprinkled some J&J Baby Powder. A new pair of socks would be placed on her feet.
5) Maicure: Massage both hands and arms with her favorite cream. Then let her choose the color (only "two" colors) and then I proceed painting her nails.
6) Brush and comb her hair very gently.
7) Sprinkle J&J Baby Powder between the sheets on her bed and in each slipper.
8) Body Cream is then placed carefully from the arms to the legs. The cream she loves, smells so good!).
9)Then end by placing a new bouquet of fresh flowers.

When everything was taken care of for my Mom, I always give her a “Great Big Hug” and “Kiss” her gently on the side of her forehead and “thanked” her for allowing me to help her take care of her bathing needs (My Mom always replies w/a smile and says: “Thank you too!”). I always tell her “how beautiful” she looks and I even “whistle” and she always gives me a great “big smile” and has a “twinkle in her eye”. We ended playing a few “Memory games”, watching a movie she likes (Tyrone Power – one of her favorite male actors. who was very HANDSOME). We would have her favorite “Mango/peach” juice and “Blueberry Scones” to relax. In the evening, then I will tuck her in bed where I sprinkled some J&J Baby Powder, "warm" one of her blankets that I put in the dryer for few minutes, place her favorite “aqua” Teddy Bear next to her and she starts to relax and close her eyes. (Please note, if we are not watching a favorite movie she likes, then I will put her favorite music and she will start dancing and I will end by reading her a story before she falls asleep.

PLEASE NOTE: The above items occur when she does "not" want to take a shower..you can also look into buying the following bathing items to help you:

1) Body Wipes (by Comfort or another brand you prefer)
2) Bathing Cap with Shampoo & Conditioner added inside by Comfort... (you simply warm the cap for a few seconds, cool it slightly and then place the cap gently on the head and tuck the hare inside and massage the scalp gently. Within 2 minutes the hair is washed and smells "delicious"... [Please note: this is only when she doesn't want to wash her hair in the shower or in the sink (like the beauty shops have)]

Wow, you are totally impressive. You are such a thoughtful caregiver.

my routine is a little different, but i agree with everything you presented. your mother raised a beautiful woman!

Liz P

I just read your statement of how you care for your mother. It has literally brought tears to my eyes. I'm 49 and was diagnosed with EOAD August 08. I have two daughters, ag 27 & 19.

The stage that I am currently at does not require assistance with toiletry. Frankly, I think it would embarrass my two dtrs.

I know it must be strange for you, taking care
of your mother as she did you as a child. I have an immense respect for you. I applaud you. You show love to your mother, gentleness and are respectful in recognizing her need of dignity (even though she can't say if for herself).

Your gentle touch, soft words and respect that I assume comes from your deep love is breathtaking. God will keep a place for you....

I thank you for sharing your unselfish act for your mother. Please, if you will forward this to the "caregivers forum". I truly believe it will not only help loved ones/caregivers in time of crisis/needs, but, also bring back the basic feelings of simpler times when these roles were reversed!

Liz, these are wonderful ideas and all positive reinforcement!

I have also found that if there is some pampering happening (scalp, hand, foot, neck massage), mom is eager to have her baths and have her nail care done. If she seems very confused or is upset about something, I defintely don't pick that time to announce that it's time to bathe.

The more flexible I am, the better this part of caregiving is. Mary, I thought I might be embarassed (or she would) with seeing my mom naked, but we are both girls and it really turned out to be no big deal.