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My father refuses to take baths to the point that he will smell. He has been told he has to take 2 baths a week and if he doesn't we will hire someone to come into to assist us with having him take the baths. Does anyone have any suggestions to make this an easier process. He is verbally abusive with this process and I am worried he may get physical.
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Does his doctor have him on medication? Sometimes the presence of the meds in his system will make it an easier process. My MIL was the same way. I think at one point prior to the diagnoses, she went 6 weeks without a full-on shower. It got rank. Finally, with the help of someone bigger than her, we wrestled her into the shower. It was ugly, but necessary. We then had a caregiver come in 2x / wk to bathe her. We established a routine and eventually that phase passed... medication was a tremendous help.
If your loved one is anxious about the whole experience, perhaps a chat with his doctor will be beneficial. When I worked in a nursing home, often having a non-family member come in carrying some kind of authority (ie: "nurse" etc) would have more cooperation than the family member alone. Chris, cln051784@hotmail.com, PS. 94: 17-19 If I should say my foot has slipped, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your joy brought consolation to my soul. www.intothemist.us God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. |
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Jacalyn,
You may want to use an elder care day care that specializes in Dementia. I visited one recently and found that they will asssist day care patients with bathing. You may qualify through your states elder services which means they fund the expense. Contact your local Alz assoc help line for these services. Dan please pray with me for a CURE |
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I also had trouble with my Lady, as too bathing. Most Alz. patients are scared of water. At first I had such a time to get her in the shower, she already had one, she wont do it and ect. Finally her daughter came and told her to get in, and wash everything she didnt want her to wash, and that helped!! But, her daughter dosent come that often, so I found out-Our bathrooms are almost togather-and if she hears me in the shower in the mornings, she'll take a shower also. That has helped so well. And for taking a bath, she said she dosent want to get in the tub, she might fall and break a hip. So, the shower is perfect for her, and Thank God, she does get in there with out a lot of trouble now. It really took a lont of time and struggling..
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Our body thermostat is bad too & many flat don't like taking their clothes off.To us we are cold,but ONLY to us.Even If you sweat,crank up the heat In the bathroom.
SnowyLynne |
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I too am having trouble getting my mother to take a shower. My father needs to take a shower also but because my mother won't I think she is telling him not to get in and take one. My mother is afraid of falling. I have told her I would come and help and there is a chair in there after she gets in but it is just one big battle with her. She doesn't think she needs one cause they don't do anything and did I think she/they smelled? I told her yes they both smell and need a shower once a week. My other problem that I came across today is my mothers toe nails. She is in need to help with cutting her nails. Toes aren't something I usually look at but after what I saw today I guess I should have been looking. They are so long and curled to the side. I tried to tell her today that this isn't healthy and can cause real problems with her feet. I tried cutting them for her and they are just too thick and long. I told her she was going to have to see a doctor and this also turned into a BIG arguement where she told me get out and never come back. I just sat down next to her and told her I wasn't going any place and I was staying as long as I wanted too. EVERYTHING I try to do for her ends up in a fight. I am not sure how I am going to get her to a doctor (she is refusing to go) about this, but something needs to be done. It was awful! I feel bad I haven't looked at her feet before now.
Diana |
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Hi DSA, Here's something that helped diffuse the situation w/ my MIL. Offer to take her for "a girl's day out" and go to a beauty salon to get your hair fixed and fingers/toes manicured. They have the training to cut nails and if it is couched in the idea you are treating her to a relaxing day, perhaps she is more receptive to getting it done. Chris, cln051784@hotmail.com, PS. 94: 17-19 If I should say my foot has slipped, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your joy brought consolation to my soul. www.intothemist.us God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. |
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Thanks Chris for the advice but her toe nails are so thick that I couldn't even cut them with the clippers and I used 2 different kinds. I have never seen nails like this before. The doctor may have to take a drill to them, clippers aren't going to do it. Not sure if a doctor would use a drill but thats my thought.
Diana |
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Yes, they do have stuff like that available. My MIL has the same problem. It is common in people who are not too active, or who have diabetes. They used a dremmel sander on her toes, kind of like the one beauty shops use to apply acrylic nails. The regular MD would not have one--but a podiatrist would. Take her to the foot doctor, then go out for a leisurely day out -- just the girls, and tell her it is her Christmas present.
Chris, cln051784@hotmail.com, PS. 94: 17-19 If I should say my foot has slipped, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your joy brought consolation to my soul. www.intothemist.us God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. |
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Hi Chris,
I called the foot doctor this morning. He was going to make a house call but Mom has agreed to go into the office (as of today anyways) LOL. So we will see. Dad has an appointment too so maybe it will help knowing dad is going the same time with her. I never know what to expect when making appointments for Mom. Alot of time lately at the last minute she either won't go at all or says she didn't know anything about it and gives me a really hard time. And I have to cancel. Wish me luck in getting her there. At least I know the doctor makes house calls so I can go that route if needed. Diana |
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Hi Diana,
How'd your appt go? quietly and without much fuss, I hope. 
Chris, cln051784@hotmail.com, PS. 94: 17-19 If I should say my foot has slipped, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your joy brought consolation to my soul. www.intothemist.us God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. |
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Chris,
I took mom and dad to the foot doctor yesterday. It all went well for a change. They both had their nails trimmed and have appts in 3 months to go again. Now if I could just get them in the shower I'll be all set. Hope all is well with you? Happy New Year! Diana |
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Gingi,
Mom and Dad are both taking sponge baths. They have been for a long time. But I think they need a shower once in a while. I try to tell them how good it would feel with the warm water running over them but so far I haven't had much luck. Sponge baths are OK but they don't seem to be working now, if you know what I mean? I will just keep trying and maybe one of these days I'll be able to get them in. It is very frustrating cause I know my mom or my dad wouldn't want to smelling like they do and I just can't get it across to them they need a shower. It ends up in a big fight when trying to talk to mom about it. And my dad won't get in the shower because I think my mother tells him he might fall. Oh well, all I can do is to keep trying. Happy New Yaer! Diana |
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jacalyn:
Jacalyn, My aunt's Dr. told us to read "The 36 Hour Day". It was an eye opener. It explains how bathing is one of the hardest things for someone do. They have to get undressed, run the water, remember what to do once they are in the tub and then they have to get dressed. One of the other hardest things for them to do is to get dressed. The whole process was too much for my aunt. She found it easier just to stay in her night shirt all day, sometimes for many days. The book has many different ways to go about getting them motivated without the arguments. For my aunt it was helping her get what she needed together for her. I help her get her clothes together. I think she finds bathing easier if she is less confused about all of the things she needs in order to get dressed afterwards. I don't know why your father is having trouble with bathing. Maybe there is something in the book that will help you figure out what part of the bathing process he finds too overwhelming. |
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I definately can relate to the shower problems. Grandma is like a cat when it comes to getting wet. I make sure she is bathed twice a week. She lives with us, but we work, so there is a care giver. The care giver used to call me and say "Your grandmother is giving me a hard time again." I would come home and have to treat her like a naughty child and be a little stern with her. All the while she is telling me "This is rediculous." and "This is pure torture." We even have a really nice sliding, swivel transfer bench. All she has to do is sit and wash while someone holds the water on her. We try to be cheery about it, but it ruins her whole day.
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These suggestions are so helpful. I began reading "The 36 hour day" yesterday. I think it's going to be a really useful book for me during this journey into ALZ.
Robyn www.rileramn.blogspot.com |
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May I also suggest another book, written by one of us on the board, Deb Uetz...Into the Mist...When someone you love has alzheimer's disease. Very informative, very moving. You can preview it at Amazon.com
Chris, cln051784@hotmail.com, PS. 94: 17-19 If I should say my foot has slipped, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your joy brought consolation to my soul. www.intothemist.us God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. |
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I have trouble with my mom when it comes to bathing. 1. she is afraid of falling. 2. she is afraid of water. 3. gets to tired. 4. too cold. Well she takes showers and sits on a nice little bench chair. New shower head that is adjustable and is like a fine mist. I help her undress and dress. As much as I hate it I crank the heat up and it is nice and warm. I always get things ready before I take her in. Towels, washcloth, her special soap, powder, clean clothes etc. The thing that is funny is almost always she is so glad that she decided to take a shower she feels so much better. I don't take "no" for an answer..she takes showers at least 3 times a week if not more...
Kathy squeaker004@msn.com |
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after two yrs of fighting to get mom to take a shower, i have finally hired someone to do it for me. she was angry when i told her, but she has never given the person i hired any trouble. i think maybe it's easier for her to listen to a "professional" than it is for her to listen to me. and the person i hired also doubles as someone to stay with mom for a few hours on shower days so that i can get out of the house. it is such a relief to me to not have to struggle with her anymore.
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Hi, new here. My mom also refuses to bathe.
We've tried everything everyone's mentioned previously, except for physically putting her in the tub or shower. The only time I've tried to touch her to get her to do something I needed her to do, she became enraged. To be honest, it terrified me and I don't ever want to see that again. The doctor ordered a home health care nurse to come in twice a week; we thought she would help with the bathing issue. Nope, Mom pointed her finger to the door and told my sister, "she has to go!" She is terrified to leave the house. She flat out refuses to bathe for many of the reasons already mentioned (already took one, water might be cold, etc.) She's getting ripe. We even got a pack of baby wipes; no luck. ~sigh~ Any suggestions? |
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Hi Paper Doll. Welcome to the board.
Sorry this journey has brought you here. As for your mom not bathing, Does she take any medications? My MIL used to be that way. She went weeks without a bath.  and she was pretty potent at the end of it. Short of wrestling her in the back yard w/ a fire hose, we were at a loss. Eventually, she had to be involuntarily committed to the geri psych ward for evaluation and when they put her on meds (Resperidal, Namenda & Aricept) the whole outlook changed. She no longer is resistant. Somewhat reluctant is about the worst it gets now. Whew!!! If she is not on meds, bring this bathing issue up to her primary care doctor. There IS help on the horizon...ya just need to find the right outlet.Chris, cln051784@hotmail.com, PS. 94: 17-19 If I should say my foot has slipped, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your joy brought consolation to my soul. www.intothemist.us God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. |
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Dad and I had a lot of trouble getting Mom to bathe and had to rely exclusively on sponge baths for close to a year. Home health aides were even less successful than we were. As for the toe nails, we always brought Mom to the foot doctor. In an outside setting, she was always more agreeable to a stranger. Mom, who is in later stages, has been living in a nursing facility specializing in Alzheimer's care since August 2005 when Dad was hospitalized for pneumonia and exhaustion. She has a visit from family every day and is clean and well fed at all times. I don't know how they do it, but she seems to like most of them despite the showers! Good luck to all.
Massachusetts regina5003@comcast.net |
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My mom refused to bathe and had a list of excuses as long as my arm. She was in the hospital for close to three months almost a year ago and I INSISTED that they bathe her AT LEAST once a week and that they could NOT take no for an answer.
When she came home from the hospital we had a physical therapist and an occupational therapist that came three times a week each and a woman came twice a week and bathed mom. I watched and learned her procedures and how she handled mom. I now bathe mom once or twice a week. I get everything ready - clean clothes, towels, bench in tub, A/C turned up to 80 degrees (yes I sweat my butt off while I am bathing her) and announce to her that it is time for a bath. I bathe her at the same time on Mondays and sometimes Fridays. I just say, "It's 10 a. m.; time for a bath mom." and she comes to the bathroom and we proceed. |
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Hi My MOM is in the late stages I had trouble with bathing too. I finally learned if I got every thing together and just took her to the bathroom with out mentioning shower things went pretty well. When she got to where she could not lift her legs to get in the tub I was lost for a while about what to do, so I bought a blow up kiddy pool, put a flannel backed table cloth on the floor and used a spray shower. Some times she will stand and some times she wants to set on the shower stool.I know this sounds crazy but after awhile you will try any thing. We do this 1 to 2 times a week.Some times she will say Mama why are you doing this ? That is what she calls me most of the time now. I just say WE need it. Hope all have a great day
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I love your idea about the kiddy pool! Speaking of "swimming" another family I know of dawned their swimsuit with mom and took a "splish splash" in the tub/shower together. Often times people will do things if you show them there's "so much to be done" and I need help can you scrub the tub for me? Coax her to get in. The repetitiveness and your supervision should help to make the experience constructive. |
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HI! My Mom is in late stages also. But she has hated bathing for quite some time! We have a hand held shower with an extra long hose on the bathtub which is right next to the toilet. Just couldn't do without it! Mom doesn't seem to sweat much so we just do "potty baths" most of the time now. This can include a sponge bath for other body areas too. Another huge help is a heat-light in the ceiling of her bathroom. We only get into the shower about every 10 days and she always fights it! So hurray for potty baths! Blessings to all of you! This is hard stuff.
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This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mike K, |
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I have found a trick that works to get those stinky
 demented family members that we love in the tub. My mother is in the middle stages of Alheimzers and like many of her counterparts does not want to take a shower. She also can be abusive about the whole thing. I tried this one day and it's been working pretty well ever since.Alzheimer's patients have short term memory problems, right? Well here's the genious. Pretend that Dad or Mom has just asked you to start a shower for them. Walk into their room, putting on your best acting face and state "Okay, it's ready". This will always be followed by "What?" To this question you answer "Your shower. You wanted to get a shower before XXXXX came over, remember?" "Well it's ready" you add and ask "I forgot. What did you want to wear for XXXXX's visit?" "Was it the blue?" Taking advantage of the lack of memory can save you a lot of frustration. Accepting the memory issues and using them to your advantage can be a god send. If you're having a tense discussion with your loved one. Remember you can just leave the room and compose yourself. Come back with a positive and relaxed stance, pretending as if you had just had a wonderful conversation with them.  |
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You are all so wonderful!!!! I am lucky enough to be only a part time care giver for a friend of mine who's sister has AD...thank goodness she isn't to the point of not taking baths...infact it is truely the opposite...she goes thru body wash like it is going out of style...just the other day while I was at their home, my friend who is the brother to the AD patient, was in his bathroom getting ready to take a bath and couldn't find his body wash, well guess who had it stashed under her sink, funny? kinda, but then again not...more like frustrating, I have read all of these very helpful posts and am becoming very versed on what to expect or maybe what could happen later into her illness. I pray for all of you who live with your loved one who is going thru this brutal time, my friend is a true saint for keeping his sister in his home for as long as he can,(he is 73, and she is 78) and I am finding most all of you to be inline for sainthood as well. Peace and Restfull nights to all.
in the ozarks |
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This topic is so UP FRONT with me....YIKES, I wish I could get Mom in the tub, I try everything....Mom, sweetie, we need to change your undergarments/slack each day,....OH YOU'RE SMELLING YOU UPPER LIP....or MIND YOUR BUSINESS, IM CLEANER THAN YOU.....I feel aweful for her.....I feel ashamed to shower, cause she won't....I tell her, I will be with her and won't let her fall.....nothing works......so its the flushable wipes I guess, at least she uses them, but her poor legs look so dry and scaley, her appearance is not on the top of the list, in fact, there is no list. I put out cloths for Church, she gets mad.......I just don't what to do anymore except show more and more love to Mom.
ZOEY M  |
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Not sure if you have the funds... but you can look into this.
http://www.dynamic-living.com/ez-bath.htm EZ-Bathe™ inflatable bath basin is the answer for those who cannot get out of bed to bathe. The EZ Bathe™ inflatable bathtub is ideal for those need to soak in a bath but are bedridden or just have trouble getting out of bed. The EZ Bathe™ bathtub will fit any on any sized bed and will accommodate individuals up to 6' 2". |
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Zoey M -
I do the very same thing as Barbara Parker - "The water is ready..." "You wanted to clean up for church..." "Which shirt/slacks do you want when you're done..." Also works: "Do you want to shower now or after breakfast?" "Which soap do you want to use?" "Which lotion do you want for you legs?" This way they have the choice and control, but you get them clean.Using this technique avoids a great deal of argument with my husband who is Stage 4 with signs of both Stages 6 & 7.
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Thx...friends...I'll try but she is also afraid of the steps (about 10) to the upstairs bathroom, Dr. said she could go up only once, I don't know what to do......
ZOEY M |
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Zoey,
Is there a downstairs bath she could use? Even if he takes a "bird" bath (IE: Sponges down) that may help. "Aqua-phobia" seems to be part and parcel w/ Alz. My MIL went about 3-4 MONTHS without showering and she was RIPE!. Finally, she had to go the hospital for something and they just "wheeled" her into a shower...fully dressed...and she got a good scrub down.Chris, cln051784@hotmail.com, PS. 94: 17-19 If I should say my foot has slipped, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your joy brought consolation to my soul. www.intothemist.us God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. |
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My mother too hates to bathe. She does a fair job with "sponge" bathing. I buy her a lot of diaper wipes, cleansing cloths, etc. I finally found a way to get her in for a full shower, although not frequently enough. She likes to keep her hair colored. So...when it's "time to do hair", it is understood a shower comes with it. Sadly her problem is emphysema and even small physical efforts are exhausting. I follow up with nice lotion. And, YES....sweat your tail off but keep the bathroom warm!
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If your LO is on Social Security, the doctor can write a prescription for in home care. It is no cost to you. Yhey will bathe them twice a week and check their vitals once a week.If there is a problem, the nurses are always on call.
One thing to remember is never give them a choice. Tell them they are bathing, period. Trouble and the Grace to bear it, come in the same package. |
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You don't live with my Mother....she has tantrums and starts breathing hard.....I don't like to upset her, she does take sponge baths, so I guess that will have to do for now....she has no S/S, only Railroad Retirement....
Thx to everyone....ZOEY M |
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I have the same trouble with mom. I have found an old activity she likes and that she always bathed after. it works like a charm. I take her fishing-not a real hook of course but she always wants to take a bath after, it is the "fish" smell that requires the cleanup. I would think gardening, washing a pet or any number of things they used to do that was followed by bathing might work. I also tell her it is time to cleanup so we can run into town. Town usually means the veggie market, sometimes a short drive, but it works. Good luck!
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My dad has had Alzheimers for a couple of years and went okay on just the Aricept and later Namenda. My mom died last month so now we have dad's care and also, I assume due to her death has put him fully in stage 5/6 maybe. It was such a relief to finally find an online support group. Reading this thread on bathing hit home on all levels. It makes me feel not quite so alone.
* Life is too short to live with regret. |
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Hi, Rosanne, and welcome to the message board. It's designed to have many different interest areas, and I hope you will come over to the Caregivers' forum and post about your dad so the wonderful community there can give you support and advice. This portion of the forum gets very little traffic -- I don't want to think we're ignoring you! You're just off in a tiny little dim corner, so to speak. Come over here by the punchbowl in Caregivers!
Carolina Songbird "Grant that what we sing with our lips, we may believe in our hearts, and what we believe in our hearts, we may show forth in our lives." |
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Hello all I am new to the site but really have enjoyed reading all the things I have been going through with my mother. I have been caring for her for 4 years by father died 2.5 years ago they were married 61 years. She keeps asking where he is and I say oh he went to the store or he's at work or he went to a ball game with one of my brothers. I think bathing is a nightmare for any of us. I can tell you my expierences I tried haivng someone come in and bath her that went ok not great for a while then she started getting abusive and I had to have my aide bring someone with her as it just got to much for me and I would get all stressed out but at the end of those days she would be WILD for 2 hours I would have to lock her in her room because I was afraid she would fall down the stairs. What I found that has been working from me best is she is best early in the morning my window is 7 to 8 I bring her juice and her meds and then say lets get up and cleans ourself then I will bring you breakfast in bed. I do not do this everyday one 2 times and I pick mornings she is most cheerful. I have everything ready the AC OFF the water running so when she gets up and in the bath rooms I sit her on the toilet and pull her pants off which I do every morning to change her then I say to her we need to take your top off and then I want you to step in the bath and let me rinse you off sometimes there is a little fight but if you do it quick get them in and out AFAP they are less agitated one day once we were done and back in bed I asked her how she felt and she said CLEAN. It doesnt always work out well but I have found this to be less stressful on her and me. So if you can find that window and try and work within that time it may make it easier for you. Each day is a trail what workes today may not work tomorrow. Good Luck to all I know how you all feel I have had many crying sessions.
Maureen |
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Welcome to the message boards, Maureen. You obviously have a great deal of hard-won experience and knowledge to share with us. Please come visit over in the Caregivers forum -- there is a lot more going on over there!
. Carolina Songbird "Grant that what we sing with our lips, we may believe in our hearts, and what we believe in our hearts, we may show forth in our lives." |
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Thank you to BParker and SpecialK. I've found all of these things work for me, one day one approach will work and then I'll have to try another trick the next time. I manage to talk her into the shower 2 or 3 times a week.
The main problem I have is that Gram gets too upset whenever I ask her more than one or two questions at a time because she doesn't know how to answer them. Then once she's frustrated with me nothing else goes well for the rest of the day. What I found worked great is apologizing to her. I just start off saying, "Sorry I was hogging the bathroom. Thanks for waiting, it's all yours now." That seems to put her in a more conceeding mood and makes her shower something that she wanted to do and I was actually DELAYING it rather than requesting it or demanding it. Then while she's in the shower I get her things together and leave them in the bathroom for when she gets out. She assumes she picked out the outfit on her own and brought her own towel, toothbrush, etc. Overall, some of the more difficult things during the day seem to go a little smoother if even a small part of the mix-up and confusion she feels was also my fault. (And she never holds it against me the next day. lol)
we come. we read & rant & chat. we cry & laugh. then we smile & are comforted. Bless this forum! Gram's in late middle stages, quickly progressing. I CG during the week, currently looking for ASL. |
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Medicare will pay for a podiatrist to take care of your mom's feet. My mother refers to this procedure as "getting a pedicure." We have a great lady at the podiatrist's office who will do this once a month.
I usually take care of my mom's feet at home. Once a week I have her soak her feet for at least 15 minutes. This softens the nails and then I cut them with manicure scissors, easier to manipulate than clippers. Hope this helps. Linda Quote: I'm having trouble getting my mother to take a shower. My father needs to take a shower also but because my mother won't I think she is telling him not to get in and take one. My mother is afraid of falling. I have told her I would come and help and there is a chair in there after she gets in but it is just one big battle with her. She doesn't think she needs one cause they don't do anything and did I think she/they smelled? I told her yes they both smell and need a shower once a week. My other problem that I came across today is my mothers toe nails. She is in need to help with cutting her nails. Toes aren't something I usually look at but after what I saw today I guess I should have been looking. They are so long and curled to the side. I tried to tell her today that this isn't healthy and can cause real problems with her feet. I tried cutting them for her and they are just too thick and long. I told her she was going to have to see a doctor and this also turned into a BIG arguement where she told me get out and never come back. I just sat down next to her and told her I wasn't going any place and I was staying as long as I wanted too. EVERYTHING I try to do for her ends up in a fight. I am not sure how I am going to get her to a doctor (she is refusing to go) about this, but something needs to be done. It was awful! I feel bad I haven't looked at her feet before now.[/QUOTE] I am Linda; a teacher, farm wife, and primary caregiver for my mother who has Alzheimer's. Visit my blog at www.copingandpraying.blogspot.com |
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garyswiger |
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ive been using no rinse wipes for about 6 months.they work great. look up www.nwmedicalsolution.com no more struggling. to get in shower. gary in texas
garyswiger |
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I've been having problems for a couple years. I am living with my Mom and I have a care-giver for 12 hours Monday through Friday. We had been able to shower my Mom 3 days a week - she screams through alot of it. Recently she has started hitting. She hit my caregiver twice yesterday while getting dressed and my caregiver is on the verge of quitting.
My mother is mid-stage and no longer taking any medication as the Aricept stopped working and she had an extreme reaction to Namenda. It also seems that anything we give her interferes with her appetite and we have an ongoing concern about her weight-loss (also due to another medical condition). Any suggestions????? |
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