Hi--
I am new to this site, but my family is having a terrible struggle with my MIL (who has AD) and my FIL, who is her main caretaker. The issue is driving. My MIL has had her driver's license taken away. She is 81 and has gotten lost many times, driven out into the front of oncoming cars and trucks, and is generally a menace on the roads. My FIL is in denial about this issue and still lets her drive. We live in a rural area and he thinks that she is "Fine around town". We have contacted the police, but they can't seem to catch her. Any suggestions about what to do with my FIL who is in denial--or just doesn't want to confront the situation time and time again during the day (she badgers him constantly) or out of guilt, can't say "no" to her?

Thanks,
Lauren

Hi LaurenP.

Welcome to the message boards!! Please consider reposting your idea on the Caregivers Forum. Many, many of us have dealt with the driving issues and I know you will receive a LOT of great advice and info.

Again, welcome.

Cindy

Lauren, my siblings and I had to take steps with our mother, who was becoming a menace on the roads, too.

She lived in a very small town and I think for a number of years most people would see her car coming and watch out for her. Still, every time I'd visit there would be a new scratch or dent in her car. She'd had a couple of very close calls where someone could have easily been killed. Thank God she told me about those.

It's very sad. One day we'll probably end up with someone yanking our keys!

Even though Mom had always said she'd stop driving when the time came, when it did come she sure didn't want to give it up.

So we found a better approach by getting her into senior living. Then the car not only became more of a nuisance (a parking spot cost extra, insurance would go up, etc.) but it became less necessary - Sr. housing is in town, and there are other transportation options.

Since the discussion about driving had become so loaded with anxiety and conflict we avoided that all together and focused on the benefits of Sr. housing. It would offer graduated care, new friends, meals, housekeeping services, it would be closer to all of us kids, and so on.

It was a big adjustment for Mom. She'd been used to her independence and used to country life and then small town living. But it worked out best in the long run. She felt better being in a place where she knew if she needed help it was very close at hand.

And presto, no more driving!

Good luck with your MIL and FIL. Maybe shifting to a new home would solve a variety of problems for them. What ever you do I hope you find the options that work best for them and the rest of your family.

Miko