I have a 79 year old aunt that has no other living relatives except for me and my brother....who doesn't help because he can't "handle it". My aunt lives 4 hours away - and we want her to move closer to us because it is just impossible to try to take care of her 4 hours away. She has a pretty good network of friends, but they are all the same age, so they are limited as to the amount of time that they can spend with her. She has lived in that area most of her life, so she doesn't want to move. She also denies that she has Alzheimers (even though the doctor has diagnosed her)- she just has trouble remembering things. I have her Power of Attorney. I have talked to 2 places here - one is an Assisted Living / Alzheimer's community - and the other is a total Alzheimer's community. I would love for her to go into the Assisted Living one so that when the time comes, that she would be able to move into the Alzheimer's unit without it being a major move. She is right at mid-way point of this terrible disease. She can function most of the time - but has trouble remembering to take her meds, eating and has had 2 episodes of being totally disorientated - not knowing where she was in the last 2 months. For the most part, she wouldn't need constant care, just when she became "disorientated" and to make sure that she was eating and taking her meds like she should. The Assisted Living place said that they couldn't keep her there against her will, the Alzheimer's place said that they could as long as I have the Power of Attorney....

Now I don't know what to do? I want her to be able to live the way she wants, but I also want her to be safe. The doctor states that as long as she is taking her meds (Aricept & Namenden) like she is suppose to, she should be OK for a while longer.....but I am not there but every 4-6 weeks, so how can I monitor this?

It would be so much easier if she would just move, but she is just not going to do that willingly.

What to do?

Have you thought about home health? Someone could stop in daily, and help with meds, cleaning, shopping, or even take her out to lunch or a movie, what ever she might enjoy. Then you could have peace of mind, knowing someone would let you know if problems came up. You need to approach this carefully, as the trust issue can be a problem, but if you introduce them as a friend, it can work well.

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This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mike K,

Sadly enough you have reached that very difficult place in the disease where you have to make the very difficult choices.

Try the in home Nursing assistance. See if it will work for a while. Then when things become too difficult, the alzheimers unit near you will be the next step. It is NOT easy but she will be at the place she CANNOT be in a merged nursing sitution.

Alzheimers patients need constant and special attention. Near you, you can visit once or twice a week and take her out for lunch or have lunch or dinner with her. My Mother in laws unit allowed this. So we visited two or three times a week and went out usually for McDonalds Ice Cream

Good Luck in your journey.

Is there any chance she can have 24-hour homecare? either private pay or through medicaid? Not only would she be unhappy going to an assisted living home, there are other issues. Would she really get the attention she needs? Also, being in a familiar surrounding makes all the difference in the world(in my unprofessional but caregiving experienced opinion). There may be a time when she won't know the difference..but now she does. It may not be realistic for you, but there may be ways to get it done...speak with social workers and an eldercare attorney(although it sounds like you probably have). Let me know how you're doing!