I cannot believe what a terrible disease this is. A once independent woman is reduced to diapers and needing to be in a locked facility due to wandering. I am mourning a person who is not even dead yet. I am an emotional wreck. I am not the caregiver. Mom is in a facility where she is well cared for and gets everything physically she needs. Is she emotionally alright? She seems to have lucid moments where she knows what is going on and then poof - she is gone. This is by far the worst thing I have ever had to deal with in my life.

Dear hates alz,
Welcome. I'm sorry for what brings you here. Alzheimer's is a thief who steals our loved ones from us! It really sucks!
Please, post your thoughts on the caregiver's site so that you can get alot more input!! Many people read that site!

Peace and Hope,

Dear Hate-Alz.
I to am sorry for what bring you here. This is an awful diease that robs us of seeing our loved spend their final years here on earth without knowing the ones that love them. Like you I had to place my mother and it is the hardest thing in my live I have ever done. But if I had not placed her there is no telling what might have happened. I thank God every day for giving the time I and my daughters had with her even though she didn't know who we were. When we would go to see her which was everyday for me, we would always walk in her room and tell her who we were and that we loved her. We did this when we would leave also. She may have not known who we were but we had the satisfaction of knowing that we made sure that she knew somehow that we loved her. It's been 5 years now and there are still times it hurts, but I also know that she is in a far better place now. A place where she knows her loved ones. And I also know that one day I will see her again and she will know me also. Just let your mom know that you love her even if she doesn't know who you are and that you will always be there for her. I send hope, love and understanding to you. Prayer works wonders.
I hope this helped in some small way.God Bless

Dear Hates-Alz,

Welcome and I agree.....it's so hard to accept having to mourn the loss of a loved one that is still here with us.

I lost my mom a year ago (to the disease) and watch her day to day and it's so sad. She's still here but what kind of life is this? I think every day how much easier it would be for her and then for my dad - her caregiver if she went to sleep and that was that. But then I feel horrible for thinking that. She's my mom for god's sake. Not the mom I grew up with - not the mom who raised me but my mom. The mom who raised me to be the adult I am today.

I know a lot of people will verbally tell their loved ones it's OK to go. I can't and won't. Medically she is fine and I can't say GO.

I am not extrememly religious but I am a firm believer in "god won't hand you anymore than he thinks YOU can handle" and your god, not mine. We all have our belief's and I'm not trying to sway anyone. But thru the years, I have come to find out how true this is......due to mom and other life tribulations.

Hang in there and feel free to vent - others venting can be quite theraputic. Not that I am saying I am glad to hear other's turmoil - but glad to see I'm not the only one. Even tho I know I'm not, it's re-assuring to read others and more so when you read what they did to help the situation

Kathy

My Dad is 73 years old. He was diagnosed approximately 1-1/2 years ago with this terrible disease. In March of this year he had eye surgery to repair a "ripple" in his eye and since that surgery has gone down hill fast. He had 5 trips to the Emergency Room by ambulance for various reasons but the biggest reason we decided to put him in a Nursing Home was because he got too much for my Mom. He went outside in the middle of the night with only a shirt and my Moms coat on and trampled through snow and ice to reach their side porch, it was that trip to the Emergency Room that we decided he couldn't be home anymore. While at home he would do things like open packages in the food closet and not eat any of it, just open them, plug the sink and let the water fill over the top, sit on their bedroom floor and crawl around, etc. Lately however its gotten worse. I'm so new to this that we don't know if these are all signs of the Alzheimers or not. He holds his head down to the point he can't eat, when he walks he stumbles to the point of exhaustion and then he sets himself on the floor and at times will just "cat nap" where he lay. He goes from extremely confused to agitated. Not long ago he was confused but he knew my Mom, couldn't remember her name but knew he was his wife. We went to visit today and I don't think he knew any of us where there. Because his head is down, he drools. We thought at one time he had a stroke because his head was down, he wouldn't use his right arm much, I tried to lift it and it was very heavy and because of his trouble walking. Sorry this is alot of information! I'm just looking for any kinds of answers as to why my Dad went downhill so fast.

I can truly empathize with you. I have often said this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. My husband (71) was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia in December 07. After much agonizing he was placed in a nursing home about a mile from our home on Feb 5th of this year. As you say, there are days when I think "there is nothing wrong with him". He seems so "with it" and wants to know why he cannot go home. Then, just as suddenly, he begins to babble about things that make no sense. He will ask me questions that are impossible to answer because they make no sense at all.

i went to agroup meeting yesterday and one of the men there was saying his wife has not known who he is in 9 days. he mentioned that he has wished she would have heart attack in her sleep and go on. it made me cry because i have thoght the same thing before.this man i believe had a wonderful relationship with his wife. it is in gods time not ours and the one person is right god will not allow any more on us than we can bear. but one thing is for sure he will help us through. i have been feeling guilty for having these feelings i love him. but i know my husband would not want to live like this. he talks about dying all the time and i know he is ready to go its just hard for us to let go.

just know that you are not alone. My mom is a completely different person now and I miss the
real mom" so bad I can't stand it. I relate to every word you wrote. She wandered, she fights and kicks, she is so different. Actually, that was one stage and it's over now. She is more calm, we moved her to a better facility. But there are no great facilities. Please know you're not alone. I can't believe this really happens to people. My mom was one of the best. How can this be happening? I guess God will tell us one day.

I just want all of you to know that everything you described IS NORMAL for this disease. It's a horror OF a disease but it is what they go through, you're not crazy. Just enjoy those times when they are "still there" cause I still get moments of those and I adore having even a minute of my mom acting like my mom again, it doesn't happen much anymore. I want her back.

I understand what you are going through. I was wondering if you have a home care company helping you at all..it is so stressfull with what you are going through..

Deisree

Hate-Alz I'm with you I hate this illness also, I know the pain your feeling because I'm going thur the ssme with my mom. She will be 81 next weekend. She is still in her home with my step father taking care of her, tho we are going to get someone to come and help take care of her since he can not do it. I only see her on the weekends to give him a break and I go and take care of her. Every weekend I go and I see a big change. I call her every day even if she doesn't know who I'am most of the time. Just to hear her voice makes me smile, but when I see what this illness is doing to her, it has been breaking my heart in two.
If you would like to chat or need to vent I'm here
my email is
Dolphind7@aol.com
take care
D

My dad is in late stages, it's the hardest thing. I was just saying how I am mourning him, but I don't get the support I would if he were actually gone. I love him and miss him terribly. A couple of months ago, he fell and broke him hip, we all thought ok, this is it.... Fortunately he hung on, and I got one more lucid moment with him. It ws amazing!!! That's all I look for now. Something has kept him going. But now he's bed/chair ridden. I took my daughter to see him the other day (she's 8), she cried and cried. Every day I wonder if this is it. For anyone who's given up I understand but my theory is that his "soul" is hovering and waiting, he's not the same, but every once and a while he pops back. That my friend is worth his weight in gold! I pray that when he finally lets go, he lives in peace and remembers us all again! my heart goes out to anyone suffering from this dreadful disease!

Roxanne,
I so understand what you are going through.
Did you try Seroquel or Zyprexa (they are similar) for your dad? My Dad (he's 73, and has AD or vascular dementia for about 4 years) had a period of agitation, aggression and wondering around very hard to deal with, and we also had to check in to Energency Room. They gave him Ativan and Risperdal, but it didn't help. THen we stopped it, and his psyciatrist put him on Seroquel. After 1 week on it things seem started to get under control. Now he takes 50 mg at lunch and 100 mg at night - but the dosage is different for everyone. As SnowyLynne noted on "Medications/Treatments" part of this forum "Seroquel is good to keep anger,agitation at bay with the least side effects".

hello my dad is in his last stage also in a nursing home..he is 77

My mom will be 82 and the emotional rollercoaster is so hard. Does anyone understand why someone would throw food away? I would cook something or when her daily meals on wheels comes, she would throw it in the garbage?

Thank you, Linda G.

I have had a really bad day. I care for my ex-husband...it's long story. He has had this horrible disease since 2004, he is only 53 yrs. old. I work full time and have no help with him. We have 2 children, who have children and busy lives. He has had 2 bathroom accidents today, he keeps forgetting where the bathroom is. He follows me from room to room while I'm cleaning, doing daundry, cooking, etc. He very seldom talks, and if he does he makes no sense. He paces all day. I take him out for walks, which takes a lot of patients because he walks extremely slow. He enjoys the walks. I try to get him interested in other things, nothing works. It sits in front of the TV but doesn't understand what's going on. I miss him. I carry on conversations with him all the time and he responds (when he responds) with something that can't be understood. I feel like I can't help him any longer and don't know what to do. We have spent 32 yrs. together and never did I imagine anything like this would happen. I really feel like I am at the end of my rope. I may need to go outside and scream as loud as I can. Some of my co-workers and family feel I should put him in a nursing home, but he is so young, I can't see him there, yet.

Linda and Jean Ann -- welcome to the message boards! There are lots of people here who can help you with this issues.

You may wonder, though, why you have not gotten any replies. This message board is subdivided into many forums, or areas of interest. Learning your away around the place may take a little time, but we were all new here once, so don't worry about it. You have posted in the area for people who are looking for others to chat with them in the chat rooms. It gets very little traffic, to be honest, since most chatters just head to the chat room.

I would suggest you check out the Caregivers forum, one of our liveliest, and one in which many people will read your posts and reply. I'm glad you're here, and hope to see you posting often!