my brother has decided to remove mom from the home of my sister and i to take her to his current town and put her in a facility....against the wishes of us. mom loves livinng here with her daughters, son in law, grandson and great grandson. we have two acres with horses and dogs. he is coming to get her on the 16th. i am still trying to stop him, but the waters are muddy, allen, and the eldercare attorneys are backing off due to complications.

it looks like he will have his way. my heart is broken. i promised her, and i want to take care of her. i know it is hard...but the reward is in my mothers eyes. she causes my heart to swell.

my question; what would you prefer i say if you were mom? tho she has trouble speaking, i can understand her. we look into each others eyes and i know how she feels, whether or not she can say. i want her always to know that i want to have her with me, that i love her and want her to come back home to her family. when he puts her in the facility, i do not want her wondering what she did wrong and why we sent her away. if ron wants to put her in a home then he must tell her. i do not want her hurting any longer then necessary.

i was thinking..."you are going to stay with ron for awhile, mom. we really do not want you to go. we hope you come home as soon as possible. we love you, mom." i sob while writing. mom tries to comfort me and it makes it worse. i love her so. what do you think? will she remember? will she hate us too?

Dear Eloquentsolution,
Perhaps I don't understand the situation? I am so sorry you and your Mom and family are going thru all this.
Does Ron have POA and all that other stuff? Is this all about money? If you have the means to take care of your Mom at home, why won't Ron let you?
I don't know what your Mom will remember, but I know you will remember the heartache. I'm so sorry.

Perhaps you need to keep fighting??

I don't understand why she needs to move either. Sounds like she is in the best place possible with people that sincerely love her. Also, if you and your mom are communicating, even by looking into each others eyes, she will know see your heart and know that you want her to stay. Take care.

Dear Eloquent solution,
We are all with you. We're waiting for answers. if your brother does not have POA, we don't see how he can take her. sounds as though it's two against one.

As long as you and your sister are able to safely care for your mom, it sounds as though she is in the right place.

How secure are your locks?

brother has dpoa. we fought him to get her here. in the end he did not change her ins to here so i was only able to use emergaency care besides a couple visits to her pcp until ins did not go thru. have talked to attorney who said it is very muddy. would need fiduciary as credit is not good enough for guardianship. ( almost lost our home in the mortgage fiascle...restructured before obama was elected. attorney is not hopeful because of mud. we cannot afford to pay if we lose and we may...ron is a preacher.

she is leaving. he is clos minded and will not listen. many letters have been written by mom's and my friends. i still have hope but not much. i cry myself to sleep at night.

Hi, What are your brother's reasons for having her removed?

What are brother's plans for Mom's care? Perhaps he does not realize the full extent of Mom's disabilities? Can he provide 24 hr supervision? Can he understand Mom's subtle non-verbal communication? Can he keep up with meds? Are his family members, wife, adult children, etc., in agreement with his decision?

Perhaps an objective third party, such as a dementia-knowledgeable social worker, family counselor or pastoral couselor, can mediate this decision.

Don't give up. You have made a wonderful home for your disabled Mom.

Iris L.

tho he lives in a compassionate state, he objects to us using mmj as medicine for her. feels he is saving her from going to hell for using the devil weed??? only reason other then that is her ins is up there.

i was so hoping alan would speak up.

But he isn't going to care or her. He's putting her in a nursing home. But I can see that your use of mmj for her would muddy the waters.
What you'd love to have is the eloquence of one of those lawyers on Boston Legal and the money to argue your case.

You have the preacher against those 'sinners. And if you live in a conservative area, good luck.

exactly

First, I admit that this situation angers me greatly. I'm doing my best to not be inappropriate, so cross your fingers for me.

What kind of Evil is more unstoppable, than someone who claims to speak for a god?

As I anticipate my life, oh, let's say a decade from now, which would I rather be living: Surrounded by poor people who love me, or locked up in a fancy nursing home? My own bed that smells like home, or a coated institutional mattress? Family cooking, or a cafeteria?

How much does medical cannabis help us? The only way to know is to stop it. I'm not trying that, any more than I'm stopping my Namenda to see what would happen. It's a fact that my doctors have observed that my disease is progressing slowly, compared to most of their other patients.

Lastly, my wise counsel to you is: FIGHT! Don't be afraid to ask him obvious questions, e.g. what kind of god wants her taken away from those that love her? And start networking to find an attorney that will work with you really cheap or for free. Hit back! If this is as important for your mother's health as I think it is, start having tactical meetings, and make your battle plans.

I know this is none of my business, but I've been thinking about you all week wondering what's happened.

Have you checked this link?
http://www.osbar.org/public/legalinfo/1193.htm

From my limited reading sounds like you could file for free. Maybe if he knows you've filed he'll back off??? Maybe just wishful thinking, I don't know.

I wish you, your Mom and all your family the best.

ty, patcor, i have not checked the link til now. have sent email request for attorney.

thank you alan, have been fighting and will continue to do so. i have letters from our friends as well as her naturopath. will print AD/mmj research articles. getting letter from counselor. will see what the courts say next. i am fearful the judge will prefer to send her to her preacher son over her "pothead daughters" daughters, both dealing with debilitating ailments and doing nicely on the oils and tincs with volcano for vaporizing. she does not smoke. she has been able to remove all but seraquil from her pharmas. no inhalers or pills for asthma, off dilantin for muscle spasms, of bp pills and does not need antidepressants or sleeping pills. i prepare whole organic foods, gluten and dairy free to get her off the switching back and forth between diuretics and constipation meds. she has problems swallowing pills.

i'm trying as hard as i can to change this, not looking good tho!

alan, may i print and present your response? patcor, mimi, iris, gyr and lisa, same question?

Hey, I like that fighting spirit.
Use anything of mine you want.
It sounds like she is doing fantastically well under your treatment.

Good luck and may the Good Lord be with you and your mom!

Yes, please use what I say if it could possibly help!!

Eloquentsolution


This is absolutely absurd! Your brother should be kicked to the street. Ask a social worker to come into the house and see that she is being well taken care of. Tell your bible thumpin' brother to go tell it on the mountain, and leave your mother where she is. In her bed, in her home and with the children who love, respect and watch over her!

Sorry, this makes me soo mad! It reminds me of how I was being treated in my marriage!

Good luck to you and yours...FIGHT LIKE HELL!

M

you are the people who taught me about how to treat and enjoy my mother. you are the ones i respect and believe. i thank you all for the pep talk. the battle ensues! will keep you informed.

Feel free to use whatever you need. Again, I wish you all well.

Yes, Eloquentsolution, you may use what I wrote. Keep working to take good care of your Mom.

Iris L.

have contacted an mmj lawyer who has given me a referral list of people he will help on the mmj side. the good news is i am in one of the most liberal counties in the nation. still, it will be work and $. we are in big trouble if we loose. we have nothing but our farm.

update...

i have been up for five nights documenting for the attorney. i have about a ream of paper to hand over....we,, email. just want you to know i'm full speed!

Thanks for the update. oregon is a great state to be fighting for yours and your mom's rights. You have a large group behind you in spirit. lots of luck!

I am not a fan of mmj. My most poingnant experience with someone on mj, was I had to "babysit" my cousin's SIL and her 5 yo daughter in my car for a couple of hours because she could not "remember" where her house was, and I had to wait for my cousin to come home to get her. If I had not had her 5 yo daughter in my car, I would have dumped her on the street. I know Montell Williams uses mmj but the people I have seen who are chronic partakers of mj don't seem to have full use of their mental capacities.

But eloquent solution, you do what you think is best for your mom.

Iris L.

yes, there are many, particularly the young who tend to abuse, as is with all drugs. sad to see the many overdoses on pharmas that happen today as well. just glad that at least cannabis will not kill you with an over dose. there are many ways to use it that do not result in intoxication. the key is to stay there. i also respect your choice of meds and wish you only the best. you have my undying respect.

and yes mimi, oregon is a great state in which to fight for mom. thank you for the encouragement.

Sweet Iris, your prejudice against medical marijuana is yours to keep as long as you'd like. However, I feel the need to offer a few thoughts.

Are you against all prescription painkillers, because they are all abused by a minority of patients?

Medical marijuana is like many medicines, it can be abused. The amount necessary for medicinal effects is less than what it takes to get high. This makes it similar to many drugs currently being used by millions.

What's different from narcotics and water, it is impossible to consume enough marijuana to kill yourself.

1. I have much more intimate experience with mj but in the interest of preserving confidentiality I did not bring it up.

2. I expressed my own, personal opinion. I would not like to see this board become one in which only certain opinions may be expressed.

Iris L.

Iris, I apologize, I didn't realize what a raw nerve I was hitting. Of course, that won't guarantee that I won't hit that nerve again!

Your first comment only confuses me, I have no idea what the connection could be between your having a history of cannabis use, and confidentiality. You're saying it's none of my business, I think, and that's fine. I respect boundaries.

Of more concern is your saying you don't want the board to be one in which only certain opinions may be expressed. I'm totally baffled at that. What in the world makes you think your opinion is being suppressed?

not me, someone else.

Iris L.

Iris, I totally respect, and look forward to, your opinions. If my writing style somehow comes across wrong, I'm deeply sorry. I used to be so darn good at written expression, but now sometimes I just can't do even that right.

Eloquentsolution

I hope all is going well for you and your family. Documentation can be tediuous, but, it's a necessary evil to help your atty and your mother!

Keep up your endeavors. Just continue to remember, love your mother as she has you!

M

I personally have no problem with mmj, BUT if I had a contentious family situation with the DPOA being against it, I wouldn't use it, simply for the fact that it gives DPOA ammunition.

I also would not use my farm as a way to get money to fight this, if I had no other place to live.

The bottom line here is that no matter what manner of treatment you use, the progression of the disease is not going to stop, so in the end one way isn't better than the other, right? Why would you risk your home and land in this situation? I know you are getting advice to "fight" this, but unless you have an unlimited amount of money to do it, I would opt for preserving what you have left.

I agree, putting your farm up is very scary.

I don't recall that the use of mmj was said to reverse the symptoms. I think I recall that it's use was said to ease the frustration the patient was feeling. And from my point of view: if it works for mom, great.

However, I do have a question. I have certainly heard of mmj being useful to make patients more comfortable at the end stage of some diseases. Has any one out there seen any discussion in the literature about it's use with AD patients? And I presume, that unless a patient is already smoking tobacco, another form of administration would be needed.

i understand your concerns about loosing the farm. this is oregon. it is different here then many other places.

update. i stayed up for five nights, documenting while mom was sleeping. i sent much of it to the state department of aging and disabilities, who investigate abuse and neglect.

she spoke to my brother and he chose to come. as i told him not to come without an oregon state court order or he will be met by police, he brought portland police. mom's oregon friends drove to the farm to offer support. the entire family was there.

ron and my step brother, jim (who reaked of booz), were allowed to ask mom if she wants to go home to her cat and all her things. they pressed her unmercifully with lies about going to her home, until police steped in and said it was obvious she could not make this decision and since she was in a loveing home being cared for her, they would not remove her. they said we will escourt you three off the property. you will have to settle this in court.

as the officer left she told me the only problem she sees is that i do not have primary care (they had apts. scheduled in seattle, so they had denied her care down here....neglect as the officer told me). i told her i had tried everything, what more could i do? she said put your mom in a car and drive her to seattle for primary care, till this is settled. that is our plan.

mom stays here while we prepare for court. the scales have tipped. we will keep her, but it is not over. thank you all for pushing me, particularly alan who lit a fire under my a**!

carla

yes mimi, it is scary, but mom has the rest of her life to live however it happens. she deserves to be healthy, happy and loved to the best of my ability til she dies. this is not about win or loose (possesions or otherwise), but what is right and just for mom. i hope my children love me as much.

medical cannabis has been very helpful for moms daytime anxiety and sleep. it minimizes the need to use hard drugs for other problems as well, like asthma, muscle cramping and arthritic pain.

when i get a breath or two, i will link some research on mmj and Alzheimer's for your enrichment.

Carla,

I am so happy for you and your mom. I will keep you all in my prayers and ask that the courts see the wisdom of letting your mom stay with you.

Please keep us updated on how things are going. Good Luck!

HI ES,
Fantastic news. Hopefully the Dept. of Aging will be in court to help you?

Good luck!!!

Be sure the court knows your brother's actual plans for her.

Eloquent Solution, I have been reading about your trouble and I just wanted to say that I'm so glad your won the first round against your brother. I'll keep you and your Mom in my prayers and hope that things continue to go well for you.

Possession is 9/10 of the law, you know. Now that you have a favorable police report, things are looking very good. Yay!

Horray!!!!

this is your victory not mine. had it not been for you all....

anyway, thank you all for the support. will keep you posted as things progress!

still struggling with my brother. sometimes he looks to be cooperative other times condemning and demanding. but we have mom. just need to get the insurance and money straight. we had to put off the week end care taker help. we are exhausted.

quote:

Originally posted by eloquentsolution:
still struggling with my brother. sometimes he looks to be cooperative other times condemning and demanding. but we have mom. just need to get the insurance and money straight. still documenting to protect. we had to put off the week end care taker help. we are exhausted.

Thanks for keeping us posted. Hope you can get a rest now and then.

Hang on, eloquent. It looks as if you may be on the home stretch!

eloquent, perhaps there is an issue or two that your brother needs honored, so he can back off while saving face?

Something about taking care of her, that he seems to think you won't do?

Sorry to go all Dr. Phil on you!

OK Gang,

Alan's idea is great.

Who has ideas? She needs the money he's holding back for support, so she can't give in on that.

She can give him unlimited visitation, which it sounds like he isn't interested in.

She feels the drugs are helping mom.

She can promise to send him a weekly e-mail telling him about his mother.

????????????????????????????

yes, alan, i like the idea. was thinking to send him a thorough monthly report on moneys spent as well as dr. reports. have been working on it for a couple days now. will be done soon.

you guys are great! if you can think of one more item to give him, that would be great.

Eloquentsolution

Also, send copies of all receipts for prescription drugs. Anybody that comes in the house to sit with your mom that you have to pay. Also, keep a log of the mileage when you take your mom to Dr appt., etc.

You know what? You have proven that "love is divine power"

Hang in there
M

yes, i must keep track of mileage...but i have scanned all receipts and emailed them along with an acconting and a variety of other documents. my son is planning to visit him.

I'm a newbie here and have been reading for 2 days. I sure hope you win your fight. Your love is obvious! As for people asking about the mmj/AD, there is a great article here about the research studies on that and red wine. Hope this helps and good luck!
Pam

http://www.miller-mccune.com/p...and-a-toke-841.print