My mom's church invited us to their service today as they were honoring those members who had passed away in the last year. I knew it would be tough, but didn't realize how tough.

I have not been in her church since her funeral. As soon as we walked in, I had to turn around and go back outside and try and pull myself together.

It was a nice service, but my mom sang in the choir for 20 years. It was so sad to listen to that fabulous choir sing, and not see her smiling face up there. The entire service was devoted to All Saints Day so every song and scripture were basically about dying (and eternal life, of course).

They read each person's name, then rang a single bell and lit a candle. At the end of the service, I got to bring the candle home.

DH and I went over to the cemetary afterwards, which is right across the street from the church.

It was a sad morning, but nice to honor her too. Just one more of those "firsts" that I'm struggling through. If only we could fast forward through the holidays.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend.

I too wish we could fast forward or better yet skip all the holidays starting now. I didn't go to church as I wasn't sure if it was All Saints' Day, kind of forgot. What I did do was attend the Memory Walk in downtown LA and met Maria Shriver.
On my way there, I got teary eyed as I thought about my mom and everyone that has been affected by Alz. After the walk, I went to the cemetary and visited with my mom for a couple of hrs. I feel this calmness when I there with her.
Not looking forward to my "firsts" especially Thanksgiving.

Oh Jackie --- I am going to the very same thing at my mom's church tomorrow evening, All Souls Day!!! Same thing - they sent me an invitation to attend a special service on Monday evening honoring all those that died this year. I have not been in my mom's church since her funeral in February. I was wondering just how hard this is going to be...I guess you confirmed it. But, like you, I am bound and determined to do this for her.

Thanks for the "heads up" on this one!

Mari

I forgot this until I got into church on Sunday. In my mind, it was still October! It really hit me hard, too. And I felt really bad because I didn't think to go with my mom. I teach Sunday School at a different church, but i could have gotten a substitute. Didn't even think of it until I walked in. It truly was overwhelming to think how much has happened in a year.

For some reason, we did not have the whole service related to it - just a brief portion - so the songs weren't as tough to take as usual. Maybe that is good, and maybe that is bad. Sometimes I think every mourning step we take is just part of the process of moving ahead.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sarah12:
I too wish we could fast forward or better yet skip all the holidays starting now.

Speaking of skipping all holidays---I know that the first ones are going to be the hardest for those of us who have lost loved ones. I am concerned for my mother. My father passed away Sept. 21st from his battle with alzheimers. Where I work we shutdown from Christmas to New Years and earlier I had asked my mother if she'd like to come stay with us during that week as I had absolutely no plans and I did not want her to be spending the Christmas holiday alone. At that time she said yes but just this weekend when I reminded her of it she said she really didn't want to spend the entire week and if she had to she'd go for a day. She made me feel like I'm forcing her, which I am not, by saying if she HAD to. It hurts.

She doesn't even want to come to our house for Thanksgiving, she simply wants to stay there at the retirement villa that my brother, my parents POA, made her move into back in May. She knows that she is in the villa for good and she needs to make the best of it and that includes holidays.

My parents celebrated their 62nd anniversary in March. I know in my heart of hearts she wants to be with him. Understandable since all in the past year she has been taken out the home my father built and they raised a family in, her husband was placed in the Veterans Home with Alzheimers in late January, she lost her husband in September, her world as she has known it for the pass 62 years has crumbled right in front of her. I see my mother dying of a broken heart.

I won't force her into anything and I will follow through as she wishes but I so hate to see her not around family on the holidays. And a big part of me wants her with me for my own selfish needs. She won't be alone as there are many at the retirement villa who do not have family members nearby so she will be surrounded with friends and a very caring, devoted staff.

Hello Bin,
I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, and I am sorry your mom is going through such a hard time. I can understand that you would want her to be with you on the Holidays. Perhaps if you tell her that? Make it sound like you want her to come because YOU want her company, not just because you dont think she wants to be alone. Maybe that will help. I know the retirement villa will still have people there, but no reason for your mom to be there with the people that dont have close family, when she does!

I agree, the Holidays will be very difficult this year. A first without my mom, ever. Not sure how that will feel. One day at a time, I guess, one day at a time.

Mari

Thank you for the heads up Jackie. I also will be going tonight to the special mass for all that died this year. According to the letter all names will be mentioned. I will say a prayer for all of us tonight as well. I hope to feel mom tonight knowing how much she loved church. The last time I was there was for her funeral. Take care & God Bless

Good morning, Mari.

My sincerest sympathy on the loss of your mother.

Thank you so much for your kind words. My mother is a two hour drive from me so the next time I go for a visit I will ask her again about coming for that week but, as you suggested, I will ask her if she will do it for me.

I have come to realize just how much my father was indeed my mother's backbone. I know it is the generation thing but it blows me away especially with the strong independence married women display today. Progress; its a good thing!

If I don't get back to this message board I want to extend wishes to all for a blessed Thanksgiving.

Becky

Dear Jackie b,
I can "fully" relate to your situation, as mine is quite similiar. My heart goes out to you and my prayers as well. My experience with my own mom is almost a carbon copy of yours. I pray our moms and all the LO are experiencing "Eternal Joy" in God's Kingdom and watching over us, until we are reunited with our LO's! May God Grant you and your family, His Peace!