There are a lot of things people can say about my dad, but, as his daughter, I saw his life in this way:

He was a husband and a father and friend for 49 years and I think that most of us here are remembering that man.

The second chapter of his life he spent most of it with another family. This was the most difficult of times for all of us because during this time he became sick, and mentally he wasn’t capable of loving us both.

The third chapter, he was an invalid, but this was perhaps the most glorious part of his life.
I know most can’t see it that way, but it was a gift, given for healing and forgiveness, to learn about strength…and weaknesses.

Everyone assumes I just volunteered. But the truth is, God told me to “get up and get going and take care of my dad.” I clearly heard his command. I didn’t want to do it. I was afraid to do it. Now I know why I was afraid!

But during that time, I learned to forgive and forget all the hurts, but it came with many tears. I realized, nearly too late, that Dad just wanted to live. He wanted to get out of that wheelchair and be in control of his own life. And who doesn’t want that?

Now we must all forgive. If God can grant one more blessing, might it be giving us clarity to solidify as a family, rather than scatter us in the winds.

Before I read my devotional and scripture, I want to thank those who were in the trenches with me.

Alice J. for being there for me from the very beginning. We met in a Bible study at the exact time God told me to help dad. No coincidence, but a blessing. She’s an amazing friend, who without our frequent “rant breakfasts,” I can’t imagine how I would have navigated so many emotions.

(Named to House where he lived), and all the caregivers who came in and out of dad’s life, but I want to take a special moment to thank Bennie T. who had to do things for dad that we can’t even imagine, and stayed with him until the end. Bennie sent me this email the night before dad passed. He said:

"i know you can keep up, just be strong! we did everything for him, we need to let him go, i know he'll be happy.."

That email gave me a good nights rest.

Pastor Bill and his wife, Cozette, for looking after dad’s soul and being here today.

Yvonne H. who suddenly appeared like an angel and stood with me till the end, praying and supporting us.

Kelly, my beautiful daughter, for all the precious picture arrangements and memory book and support.

But finally, gracious love to my husband, Tom, who took on an enormous task of caring for my dad, stepping up at every opportunity, never once complaining, never once saying, no, always ready to step up and hit the mark. My dad always “smiled” when he saw Tom

“For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.” Romans 14:17

I’d like to read something from Ecclesiastes.
There is a time for everything
and a season for every activity under heaven
a time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to
build,
a time to weep and a time to
laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to
dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time
to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to
refrain,
a time to search and a time to grow
up,
a time to keep and a time to throw
away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to
speak,
a time to love and a time to hate
a time for war and a time for
peace.
And finally,
I found this devotional and I’d like to share it.

“We have come over a long road to a place where we are now in our human experience, and in our knowledge of God.

It is an impulse stemming from good will to say to our children, “this is the way I have come…you must learn this way…”

But our children cannot go back to the land from which we have come. God has asked ups to bring them to this place and from here. they must be strong to go on into a new world which we may never comprehend.”

Dad is in heaven, right now, restored, glorified as it’s promised.

A little off topic..
I feel in a weird sort of way like you wrote this just for me to read.. I don't check in on these boards much any more.. I did multiple times a day both before and for months after Mom passed..I never truly grieved over losing Mom or maybe I did in a different way.. I had decided not to send her out of this world with tears..so I did not cry when she passed..then I decided not to upset my pregnant daughter at her service so I did not cry.. I held it all together well.. then 2 weeks ago I discovered my dog had bone cancer and I had to let him go... all the tears for him and Mom flowed into one.. Anyway.. today I am depressd as my 19 year old son has gone to a recruitors office today to join the army .. I cannot understand it... He quit college because he wanted to wait a few years..I didn't have a problem with that ..the credits he has will still be there... he has all one could ask for.. he has an inheiratance that will get him anything he wants.. he has a girl friend he loves.. he has many friends...and yet he feels he has to do this.. at a time when we as a country are involved in something that is rather politically mixed up to say the least..well I have no choice..he's going ..acceptance comes hard.. your last few lines "We have come over a long road to a place where we are now in our human experience, and in our knowledge of God. It is an impluse stemming from good will to say to our children "this is the way I have come ... You must learn this way..." But our children cannot go back to the land from which we have come. God has asked us to bring them to this place and from here they must be strong to go on into a new world which we may never comprehend..
I guess that's just what I needed to hear.. I will never comprehend his thinking but, I guess that's OK .. .....thanks for sharing this..SHardy

That was just beautiful. Thanks for sharing it with us. I read at my dad's funeral too. Never thought I could, but knew I needed to try. It worked out fine.

I hope this gives you some comfort as you adjust and move on. God bless.

And SHardy, I think your son just might need a purpose, and somehow he finds this as a duty he just must do. I know a friend's son just enlisted and she could not understand. He just felt it was something he had to do. I pray he will be safe. And thank him for me for his service to our country, even if we don't understand what is going on right now! I am sure I would feel the same way it if was my son or daughter joining.

Thank you Sayitisntso for sharing your thoughts with us here. Reading about forgiveness is of interest as recent events in my life these past few years certainly could use understanding of the subject. I have experienced it in certain instances, but still have a long way to go in many other instances of my life.

There are so many people to thank who helped with Patty too, as you listed your thanks to many. The memories of the kind people I have met as I cared for Patty will sustain me through other difficulties with difficult people. I want to be like all those caring people, and not see the trouble others demonstrate. Being aware of the good can benefit me to reach out myself toward the less trustworthy...

My husband too, as yours, was such a great help with my mother and Patty these past years. Now he continues to help others as a CNA himself this year. His journey has certainly been affected by Patty, and he works so hard to make money, but has taken a decrease by following this path. But as he tries to meet our bills, he comes home telling me about the clients/patients in such good humor even when he had the worst of the dementia patient. He seems to love the interaction he can have to try to make things better in each instance of care he attempts. These husbands that have the quality of sharing and humour and giving certainly make me proud.

Your prayers and devotional were touching and so true. Thanks again for the sharing.