So, dad died Sept 14. Let the wild rumpus begin.

Nary his body was cold and a sib wanted to know when he was getting his money. My dad has a trust, and I am trustee. He is causing enough grief for me to believe he is going to sue the trust and me after all I did for everyone. I kept all dad's estate out of probate by getting the trust together for him and protecting his assets. Well, non of my good work is appreciated. This sib did NOTHING for his dad during the 5 years total I cared for him. He never even visited his dad, nor came to his death bed. NOW he wants to buy his house and yesterday he and has wife ran me through the coals. I got sick from shaking so bad. I now have grief and fear that everything we could have will now be gone because of this nit wit.

I too have a " Wonderful Brother"! Did not hardly visit or help left the country comes back & accuses me of killing her. He didnt go to her wake or funeral. He did find the time to go to the courts to see if he could do something to me regarding her estate. Too bad he was told "NO"! If you are the executer and have power of attorney there is nothing he can do. Good luck & hope it all works out.

You know what they say, no good deed goes unpunished So, you know you did what was right. Do you have a lawyer who can make sure everything is being done legally? They can mouth off all they want, but if you are doing everything right, that's all it will be - a lot of mouth. But you are already dealing with your grief, and you sure don't need to be dealing with this too.

So sorry. Hang in there.

Had a lot of drama over the weekend. Younger brother called and wanted me to use his wife's Realtor friend. NOT. This lead to him accusing me of keeping him of buying the house, and rounded up with him asking "what kind of Christian I was," and that I wasn't a good one. Ouch. Well, at least I am a Christian! I think things are calmed down as I have included a few professionals to back me up to back him down.

Then: FYI. I found out (El-Hard way) that dad's 2 IRA's are NOT in the TRUST, even though I put the accounts into the Trust. Seems there is a little matter of government regulations... So, the person who dad hired to do the trust made a big mistake on not telling me to move those out of the IRA's when I had the POA. So now the monies I was going to pay his bills with is tied up and will go to us individually. Bummer. Next... the investments bro is chomping on the bit for is now going to be held back in reserved to pay debt. Again... makes things more complicated for those who do not, or don't want to, understand the process. Dad is not cold yet, I know, because I buried him in his leather bomber jacket to keep him warm throughout eternity!

So...still doing paperwork. But, hey, it's raining in So CA and, boy do we need it!

Jesus does truly rock and you aren't doing so bad either. Had to laugh about the bombers jacket. Know he is still warm and in your heart for sure. Brother will get his so you just be at peace and do the best you can as you have already been doing. Kudo's for the loving care you gave and to all those who did not.
Care for yourself as you grieve and deal with all "them"
Sheryl

Barely a month ..how sad.. when Mom passed last May the bad son actually asked me at the funeral service about what he would receive.. it's now 5 months later and the trust still isn't settled... Of course while I was trustee/POA while she was living we left the bank to be sucessor trustee once she passed so he can hassle them or sue them all he wants.. I applaud you for taking on this extra hassle...

Wow... I was thinking of starting a similar thread. Glad to know we're not the only one's with "new" headaches!

One of the sisters is contesting the decision to have Mom cremated, because "she wouldn't want to be burned". Oh, geeze! It was less than 24 hours after her passing yesterday, and I'm on the phone for the first time with the funeral home that took her away, and they asked, "Oh, are you the one that is meeting xxx tomorrow at 1?" Huh? What? Needless to say, her Son (my brother-in-law and POA holder) and I *WILL* be there at 1 tomorrow to let this sister *know* that the decision was made - BY HER - years before she was ever touched with Alz. So be it!

On top of that, one of the brothers who lives out of state, is drunk out of his mind and has been calling continuously throughout the night to berate us for her death and demanding to know the autopsy results (there will be no autopsy, fool! She died of natural causes under a doctor's care!), and what - exactly - "killed" her. (I guess the past four years of suffering through the Alz isn't a clue...)

If there is anything I can share with everyone, its that I have been through countless "grieving" sessions in my former profession as a firefighter/EMT-D/9-1-1 dispatcher, and I know that everyone grieves in a different way. The person at the funeral home who spoke with the sister at 11pm last night actually had to hang up on her, since she was so irate. I keep reminding myself and the other family members, that these two siblings are simply grieving in their own way and this is the result of their anger and frustration over Mom's death.

So, as we will probably all face some difficulty or other in the days or weeks following a passing, we should also remember that the outbursts, anger, and "selfish" behavior may simply be nothing more than their form of grieving.

If there is anything you can do to encourage other grieving family or friends, please tell them to not drink alcohol or take drugs, as this can severely worsen a depression. Help *IS* available, and usually a mere phone call away, to professional counselling services.

On that note, my condolences to all of "us" going through this difficult time, and remember to celebrate the end of their suffering!

Cheers!

Chris

Angry siblings! Well, tell me about it. Poor Patty was not visited by anyone in the family. My oldest brother lived with us for a short time before Patty got sick, but he died a few months before the ALZ Disease began the worst on her. My other three siblings never called or wrote to me after my mom died as that following year was torment with their accusations and greed. My oldest sister and I found peace with each other this year before her own death, and she did get to know of Pat's illness this past January when she visited her in hospital. They passed within 4 months of each other.

I would not have been able to go to the funeral for my oldest sister if my two other brothers had been there. I want to not be angry at them, but how can I trust them? They hurt me immeasurably. Greed! They only thought of money, not love and family. They acted as if they cared about my mom, but I saw a lack of attention for years for she and Patty from them, and in the end they care little for me and proved it, and still prove it.

My mom needed help and I was finally in a position to help she and my sister Patty. I still can't fathom how my other siblings could be so jealous and callous...

Your siblings might not have valued your good work, but you do know sayitisntso that you can be so proud of yourself, and we here value your good work and your caring nature. Your dad certainly was lucky to have you.

Did someone mention brother & greed in the same sentence?
One of the days that 4 of us siblings stood around my mom's bed (about 1 week before she passed) my youngest brother turns to me and asks if we have thought about what clothes mom will be wearing. I just looked at him and couldn't believe he was asking me that. He sure seemed to be in a hurry for her to die.
Now he's in a hurry to sell her 2 properties (he doesn't care that 3 of us live in the properties and would have to move) just so he can get his share. He already took all the money my mom had been saving in a trust for 5 children.
Seems that most families are lucky to have a special sibling. I've also heard that Karma visits them when they least expect it.

There was a reason you are in charge. Parents know their children well, love them all, but know them well. We are who we are.

As my friends comfort me when I carry on, "you are adding feathers to your angel wings."

I am the responsible one in our family. My parents knew that, so I have their strength with me as I tell sibs and other family that the settlements will happen when when the estate is settled. If it takes 8 months, if it takes 12.

Take your time. It's only been since August, but I find the giving away of Mom's things is tougher than I expected, so I just do a few hours of it and then go on to something else. Whatever works.

You not only have the POA, you do have the faith of your dad behind you.

Who needs a laugh? Talk about about "Karma", my younger brother who was never there is in the Phillipinnes again. He left my mom to go there when she was declining & came back right before she died accusing me of killing her & taking her money, he even went to the courts to see what he could do to me. He didnt even go to her wake or funeral, how disrespectful is that! For me he doesnt exist now but I will still do what I am suppose to do, because it is the right thing to do. I have not settled the estate yet because he is away & I must wait till he gets back, wont he be surprised that he will be getting some even though he doesnt deserve it. Right now the Phillippines were hit with a typhoon that turned around & hit them again & also were hit by a second one. I feel for the people there but thats what I call "Karma" for him. Just love those younger brothers!

quote:

Originally posted by sayitisntso:
Had a lot of drama over the weekend. Younger brother called and wanted me to use his wife's Realtor friend. NOT.

Need help in selling? My son is in the Real Estate business. Just thought I'd mention that.

It's like my brother, instead of keeping it in the family and helping each other out, he goes out and hires some Broker that we don't even know. I don't think so!

My brother had POA (that ends when LO passes) and now he is the Trustee (can't be trusted), those titles hold a responsibility/duties in which case my brother has FAILED all the way around. Oh and my mom didn't pick him because she knew he was the right one, he was just the person that took my mom to have the Living Trust made and so, he appointed himself. My mom was always saying, "when one of you have time, I'd like to go and have a Living Trust made." 10 yrs ago, I trusted all my siblings and I'm sure my mom did too. Had I known that my brother would just be messing things up and taking advantage of my mom, I would have taken her.
Now I'm dealing with attorneys and my brother to try and make things right. So even though my mom passed away in April 2009, I am still dealing with all the brotherly BS.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Rosas daughter:
I too have a " Wonderful Brother"!

I found out just how "wonderful" one of my four brothers was the day of my father's funeral. After the graveside services there was a gathering at a local hall and this "wonderful" brother of mine caught me when I did not have anyone around me and he told me "to go to my parents -------- house, get the ------ what I want and never go back to their house; in fact stay the ---- out of town for good." Thank you, broth............I was so upset that he had the balls to say this to me at that particular time that I walked out of the hall in tears. Thank God a cousin overheard every word he said to me and she went to hunt my aunt and husband down to tell that what just happened. They came outside and tried to talk me into going back inside if for anything for my mother (who, Yes, is still living). I couldn't even do it for her. Later that evening when my aunt filled my mother in on what happened my mother called me and said that my brother had no right in saying that to me and she didn't want to see anymore encounters with him upsetting me to that extreme so she strongly advised me to say a prayer for my brother and bury him as well as my father. I have been the victim of his demoralizing abusive from this particular brother for almost four years and after what my mother said to me I have done just that. I don't even answer the phone when he calls (thank God for caller ID!). But he shall die a lonely man as not only has he spoken to me this way he does the same to his sons and their wives. Sick, sick, sick......

BinMaine and Everyone,

How awful to have to deal with such insensitive and hateful family members at a time when you're trying to deal with the death of a LO!! I truly believe that if they don't have to answer for their behavior and/or deal with the consequences during their lifetimes, they most certainly will have to account for themselves when they meet their Maker!!!!

My heart goes out to all of you who have been treated in such a cruel manner. Please know that you're not alone and that I, as well as everyone else on this board, care about all of you!!!

Thank you Footballmom! I evny families that don't have to go through any of this BS. It's bad enough losing our LO and trying to go through the grieving process w/o having anger & stress beating our head.

Thank you footballmom! It really hurts knowing how much we did to keep the family together & taking care of mom only to have someone turn on you like this. I needed him so we could cry & laugh about mom but no that is just not happening. Oh well! I am moving on & like BinMaine I buried him also. "Honor thy mother & father", not my brother! I heard yesterday that another typhoon is headed for the Phillipines, oh well!

quote:

"Honor thy mother & father", not my brother!

DITTO, ROSA'S DAUGHTER!

IT IS ENOUGH COPING WITH THE GRIEF THAT WE HONESTLY DO NOT NEED NOR DO WE WANT THE MEANINGLESS, HATEFUL CRAP COMING OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF SIBLINGS. OUT OF FOUR OLDER BROTHERS I NOW ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH TWO AND THOSE TWO ARE INDEED MY BROTHERS; THE OTHER TWO ARE MY PARENTS SONS

It's truly sad that all the anger needs to be present when we are grieving our parents or other LOs. I'm sad for myself as well as for all of you who could use the support of your siblings now. Throughout my lifetime many instances of sibling rivalry occurred around me and included me, but certainly I did not try to cause the rivalry. I suspect none of you who were able to care for your LOs did either.

There are so many different types of people in this world, and unfortunately that included in our own families. Children can be so different from parents and siblings different from each other. I so want to see the good in people, but have been disappointed with not only siblings but many friends as well. Life happens to us all. We just learn to cope with the downers and try to feel the good when we can.

I say to you all just try hard to get past those difficult times and forget those people who hurt you. Be proud of yourselves and try not to let them make you feel the anger too. You each need to feel the joy of those memories that are good about your lost loved ones. As you can get past the bad times and get on with your own lives, looking to cheer yourselves again.
Love and hugs to each of you.