I have been in a funk all week. Really unlike me. No energy to do anything. Thought I was fighting flu or something. I just realized that a year ago this week, we were arranging to put Dad in an ALF. He moved in a year ago this Saturday. It was the worst day of my life - even worse than the day he died. I don't feel guilty- there was no choice - but I am just so sad remembering all we went through and how horrible we felt after leaving him at the home. I didn't know I could cry so much. I felt like my heart was breaking.

I know I will get through the week now that I know what is going on in my mind. Just couldn't figure what was throwing me so much off kilter.

Just really missing him this week

{{{HUGS}}}
Take go*d care, Shaye

Sue,
Hugs from me too. I am so relating to the "remembering when" stuff. I, too, look back to a year ago and remember what was going on at the time. It is painful, but I guess it is part of the grieving process.

Peace,
Mari

Sue,
You know what? I remember when you did that (and I didn't cheat and go back to look at your old posts). I had just joined this community in October and I read everything that everyone posted. Your story struck a chord with me because of your mom. I just felt so sorry for her. I couldn't imagine being separated from my husband after all those years. I also remember when, a few months later, you said you thought he was going to pass away. I couldn't believe it. It seemed like it happened so fast, which is exactly what happened to my mom. It was nine short months from diagnosis to death.

I wish that I knew everyone here in person because I feel such a closeness to everyone. I'm sending hugs your way. Take care.

I remembered too, because early October last year was when I had to seperate my parents. I've been in a funk all week too! Didn't think it was about 'mom' because several other things are going on right now...I hate beaurecratic paperwork!

But Sunday will be 1 year, and suddenly it's crying time again.

Thank goodness that my SF had Alz too, seperating them was harder than losing them for me!

Take go*d care, Shaye

Sue, My heart goes out to you. Who knew these anniverary dates could hit us like this? People talk about holidays without our loved ones being hard, but these flashback anniversary dates are just as hard or worse.

My date lines are even shorter, as my mom went into the NH in June with advanced AD and late stage spinal cancer. She had lived with me for almost 3 years. The summer was bittersweet and horrid at the end. Mom went to resting peace Aug. 18. As the horrid memories are giving way, I'm beginning to get that it was actually only a couple months of truly awful stuff, not months and months and months of agony that it seemed. Really, the good memories are so much more, once they are beginning to find their way back again. In the end, there will be so much more good.

May your sweet and heartfelt good memories find you and ease the ache. Deb