I miss her so much. It's been a year and it still hurts as much as then. As I sit and write this I am sobbing as I think back to the way I lost her. I really thought that I today would be an ok day, that I'd be able to handle it. I never thought I'd feel this much pain. I have posted here twice, but today I needed, I'm sorry, to share my pain with you; who else would understand better what I feel right now.
I cry now like the day I lost her. It will get better eventually, but I too, am forever changed.

Dear Negri's Daughter, I am so sorry you are feeling such grief on this milestone day. I think we all perfectly understand. A year, a month, a week, a decade even, it is all filled with the loss of our LOs.

Talk to your mom today. She can understand you now, remember? Tell her how much you miss her and love her and maybe share something funny or good with her...then listen quietly. You will hear her in your heart. She is there.

Mari

The hospice where my dad died has a ceremony every few months for the people who died in the previous few months. I was not expecting it to bother me - I hadn't cried in a while and thought I was handling things well. We got there, and the auditorium was just packed with people. My husband handed me a box of tissues, and I just stared at him. I wasn't going to need those tissues. I was doing fine! Then the ceremony started. The enormity of all those grieving just hit me. I cried from the beginning of the ceremony to the very end. We all walked up, named our loved one, and put a flower in a vase in their memory.

So, allow yourself to grieve this day. It is a milestone - a year ago she died. I know in some ways it seems just like yesterday and in other ways it has been forever since you have seen her. Remember that you are sorry for you and not her. Her misery and pain and confusion are gone, but you miss her terribly. Can you think of some place she loved to go and go there? Maybe that will give you some comfort. To just rest in a quiet place and think of her for a bit. Pull out some photos of happy times.

Allow yourself that grief. It is a natural way to feel after you lose someone you love.

I no longer know what to say except this is one of the worst experiences we must go through. I tell myself to be strong & honor my mom.
God bless you & give you strength.

Negri's Daughter, Thank you for sharing your grief with us. As we all move forward in this path, we to will reach this end. May you find peace in your memories and the knowledge that your mother is whole again and no longer has Alz. She understands your tears, but would hold you with love and understanding as you reach this anniversary. Please share often as we can cry with you in love and sharing.

Sheryl

Negri's daughter,

I'm so sorry for you pain.

Thinking of you.

Oh, I thank God for this message board. I've spent the last 20 months grieving for my mom in private, alone, with no one to understand how horrible the pain is. To Negri's daughter, I so understand your pain and grief, and I know how difficult each day is without your mom. I still cry uncontrollably every time I think of my mom in her last days. Alzheimer's is a cruel, hideous disease, and that's why we have to find a way to stop it! My thoughts - and my heart - are with you, and please know that you are not alone, which I have learned that I am not alone. God bless you and keep you.

I miss my mother terribly. The hurt is crushing. I don't know how we get through each day, but we do.

Please know that you are not alone.

I'm sending you a BIG HUG.

Negris' daughter & Janty,
A very bittersweet welcome to our forums. Just sending you both {{{HUGS}}}} today, knowing that grieving our losses makes them more bearable in the future, so allow yourselves time...as much as you need...there are no rules to grief. I always think of this quote when I'm missing my LOs.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight" - Kahil Gibran

So cry over your loss and remember a happier time! And as stated above...I believe that their essense is carried with/around us always!

Take go*d care, Shaye

Hi Shaye. Thank you for your kind thoughts. I thought at first that this forum would be helpful, but it seems to be more painful. I miss my mom so much and I have a very hard time remembering her without Alzheimer's because it consumed our family. I cannot think about her without crying because her last years, months, days were so hideous. I try to be optimistic - that the grieving will get easier and less painful with time, but so far, that's not the case. We are a close family, but as the youngest, I think I'm impacted because I spent so much time with my mom. I'm sorry, I'm just sad that she's gone, and it hurts to see my dad so lonely for her.

quote:

Originally posted by Shaye:
Negris' daughter & Janty,
A very bittersweet welcome to our forums. Just sending you both {{{HUGS}}}} today, knowing that grieving our losses makes them more bearable in the future, so allow yourselves time...as much as you need...there are no rules to grief. I always think of this quote when I'm missing my LOs.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight" - Kahil Gibran

So cry over your loss and remember a happier time! And as stated above...I believe that their essense is carried with/around us always!

Take go*d care, Shaye