My mom called this week to tell me she had accomplished one more thing that she and dad used to do together. At the end of summer when the first frost would hit, she would work in her garden and clean up all the brush and weeds and dead flowers and she and dad would take them to the dump. They would make a day of it, joking as they gathered stuff around the house and loaded the car, singing songs "to the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump" and other goofy stuff. Believe it or not, she was dreading doing this without dad. She just decided this week that she could do it. She thought of him through the whole process but was able to get it done. Guess this will give me inspiration next time something reminds me of him and I just want to put it off.

Anybody else have a funny ritual that you are dreading? Who would have figured a trip to the dump would be a big deal. But my dad was such a jokester and could make anything fun.

What a great story SueGall! How wonderful that your mom was able to get through this annual ritual with the help of memories! I am sure your dad was right there with her...enjoying the moments too! What a testimonial to the healing powers of the grief process.

Last week, I went to get my yearly flu shot. My mom and I use to go together every year for many years. We belonged to the same HMO and they had "drive thru flu shot clinics" set up in their parking lot. We would drive in, hand them our insurance cards, hold our arms out the window (one on each side of the car) and get our shots! This year, for the first time, I was alone, but thought about my mom as I was in the line of cars slowly moving up the line to get our flu shots ---- I even rolled down the passenger side window and said "okay mom, put your arm out!" Crazy, I know, but I never thought that going to get my annual flu shot would seem so sad without mom!

Mari

I'm dreading the Christmas holidays. The past 10 years or so I always had a family party a couple of weekends before Christmas. Now that Mom is gone, I'm not even sure I can bring myself to decorate the house. We always did it together (except for the last couple of years when she didn't realize what was going on). Christmas was our favorite holiday and part of me just wants to get as far away from our house as possible. No tree, no decorations. I never thought I would feel this way.

Maybe it's because both of my parents are now gone - Dad died on xmas eve when I was 12 and now Mom is gone too.

This will be the first Christmas/Thanksgiving/Halloween without DH. He was such a holiday person (dubbed "Mr. Christmas, Mr. Birthday", etc.). But the last two years of his life were so lost, the holidays for our family being so traumatic without his usual zest, and DH not even understanding it was a holiday.

I am a bit perplexed about what my reaction (and the kids too) will be at the holidays this year. On the one hand I am thinking they will be weepy whenever DH name, or a memory of him comes up. At the same time I am imagining the family being far more relaxed, with us being able to participate in the holiday activities we had to miss in the past couple years of his illness.

I mentioned this in a post/thread shortly after my DH passed away. He LOVED Zoos, and we always planned full days and picnics around going to the zoo when the kids were young. For several years we weren't able to enjoy a zoo trip due to DH's difficulties. We tried, and they turned into disasters. And disappointments for all. Just a couple weeks after he passed I got my kids to the Woodland Zoo in Seattle. They are now teens....not little kids. But for the first time we were able to take every bit of it in, taking all the time in the world. I would break into brief tears a few times that day because DH wasn't with us....and thinking how much he would have enjoyed such a trip when he was well. But it was brief as I would find comfort in the knowledge that we could enjoy our day in his memory. He would have liked that.

Diana, my heart aches for you. We all have our losses and I would never diminish anyone's loss, but I just can't imagine my kids (who are also teens)and I being without my husband. You all are so young.