I wish I had found this sooner, as I think I would have had so many more answers.

Here's our story. My mother began behaving strangely about 3 years ago. She started to have very bad financial judgment and seemed to do silly things. That was when I began taking care of all of her bills, grocery shopping, etc. Soon after that, she was exhibiting more confusion, so we brought in a home health aide for 2 hours a day. This worked for almost a year. At that point, she began saying that she had to go home, even though she was home. We upped her care to 4 hours a day. As her confusion worsened, we went to 8 hours, then 12. Then, when we found her in the parking lot of her condo in her bathrobe, we went to a live-in aide. She balked at this, but we insisted. After that, she became completely incontinent, and began to lose words. She became unable to dress herself, but she could still feed herself, swallow a pill, walk with a walker, and have a conversation.

On March 11, she fell while using her walker and fractured her hip. She had surgery and just never really came back. She was released to rehab on March 16 and since then, she lost the ability to feed herself, she cannot stand or walk, and her aphasia became worse. Her sugar has been all over the place. She also would retain her urine so she had to be on a catheter at all times.

I got a call on April 1 from the doctor, saying that her color was bad and her white count was through the roof. We had a DNH order in place, and he suggested putting her on a broad spectrum antibiotic and IV fluids. I have medical POA and my mother's living will, and I know very clearly what her wishes are; we discussed them at length when she was all there. I told him that all we want now is palliative care, and to keep her comfortable, treat her with kindness and dignity, until the end. He fully supported my decision, and since she is also refusing to eat or drink anything, we brought in hospice the very next day.

She is now getting pain meds and has people near her every day, making sure she is as comfortable as possible. We think it is just a matter of days. While I am sad that this is happening, I feel as if I lost my mother a few years ago. I have done most of my grieving already. I just want her to be as peaceful as possible until the end.

Dear SFCP - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope you all can find peace soon. I too feel like I lost my Mother a long time ago and yet... She's still here in an Alz. unit of a nice NH. I'm glad you had your medical 'ducks in a row'. It's such a hard time without any additional guilt or worry. It sounds like you got a compassionate doctor too - that's not always the case. Take a deep breathe - from what I've read here this stage isn't always a quick one.
Peace.

I really thought I had mourned my mom before she died. Now, it's been two weeks and I feel so lost and empty.
I was with mom at the end and I am so blessed that I was there.

ann, hospice has told me mom has a month to six weeks. She stays awak much of the day and sleeps from 7:30 pm until 9:30 am. Completely bedridden except for the fact that myself or caregiver will sit her in a recliner most of the day repositioning her every 2 hours. Tonight she kind of like had the shakes and seemed to grimace and I hear some congestion with her having some difficulty with swallowing tonight. She has been having some of this for the las 2 weeks. Hospice gave me adavant to calm her but it took about 3 hours for her to finally settle down and go to sleep. I also gave her a sleep med which I do everynite for quality sleep. Did your mom go thru this the weeks of her life?

Mom went downhill fast. Hospice really thought she would be here for at least two to three months and she was gone in three weeks. She was in a recliner daytime but sleeping most of the time. She was eating only pureed food and thickened juices and water for the last week and a half because of swallowing problems. She was semi-congested with a cough for the last couple of days. The only med she was on was morphine for comfort. I don't know what to tell you, every person has a way that they pass on. My mom wanted to go ... she never wanted to be the way she was. She passed very peacefully. She did have a really good day two days before she passed ... somewhat lucid and at peace with her life.
I really miss her ... as much as I wanted her at peace, it is very difficult without her.
By the way, I was searching all of the boards for answers before she died ... I needed something to tell me how to handle it. Nothing prepares you for the death of someone you love so much, but keep reading and searching ... and come back here after to "talk" to others... it does help.

My mother passed away at 10:55 PM on Friday, about 2 days after we began hospice care, and 3 days after we learned how ill she was. I am relieved that she only seemed to have 1 day where she was truly uncomfortable, and she spent her last 2 days sleeping. Hospice was a complete blessing to her and to us.

On Friday, about 5 hours before she died, my husband and children and I went to see her. We stood around her bed, held her hands and told her that we loved her and that we were all fine. She was sleeping, but her breathing became faster and I know that she heard us. When we let go of her hands, her breathing slowed down again.

You are all right that, even though we are prepared for the death and we rationally know that it is for the best, the sense of loss is overwhelming. I am sure that time will heal, so I just need to be patient. Today is her funeral and I know that there will be support from family and friends, and then it will be one day at a time.

thank each of you for your replies and my heart to each of you as I sit here and cry knowing what is to come. I wish God would take her because she has been this way for so long without much of a life. She has been unable to walk, talk or feed herself for over a year. Last night she just shook so bad that I called Hospice and they told me to open the care package and give her the morphine. I felt my heart break as I now see that it really could be close. But this morning she began trembling but not near to the extent of last night so I just gave her the adavant (and a suppository for a bowel movement as hospice keeps asking about the last time she had one) I guess I dont understand much because I wonder how she needs a bowel movement with only eating a jar of baby food a day and a small pudding for the last 3 days since the last bowel movement. Ann, I thank you for the heads up on not really being prepared as I see the time drawing near it gives me comfort to realize I am not off my rocker because now I am not sure I am ready.
Thanks again.

Dear SFCP - giving you a cyber hug. May a warm breeze touch your cheek today and remind you of better times ahead.

Dear SFCP - I am still crying at the drop of a hat ... or a smell ... or really anything. When you lose someone so close to you, I don't think anything can make it better but time. Start looking for pennies or dimes ... I hear a story a couple of days after Mom died ... when you see a dime (or penny) and it's in an unexpected place, your loved one has "contacted" you. I have been finding dimes everywhere ... I am throwing them our in our "zen" garden where I placed a "BLESSING" rock that I received as a gift after Mom passed ... it's her garden now.

My experience mirrors what others have written in this thread. I, too, thought I had already grieved - only to find out otherwise when my mom died. A few weeks after she was gone, I figured I was getting over it - only to find otherwise. After two months it dawned on me that I hadn't had any "sad days" for quite a while - only to have more the next week.

My biggest surprise was how "healed" I could feel, for days or weeks and then how intensely the grief could return. Sometimes I think that, subconciously, it's intentional.

You never know what will trigger it - but I don't think it will ever completely go away. I think it's just a testament to how much your loved one really meant to you.

The grief and sadness never really goes away. The intensity of the grief and sadness does get easier with time. When you've loved someone and lost them, there's a void and a hole where that person once held a place in your heart. With time, a lot of time, you are able to think about them with a little less pain and grief, and you can remember them with happier thoughts. My mother passed away almost eight years ago. There are times I think about her and I cry, there are other times I think about her and smile at the happy memories of her. I always miss her, but I am always relieved that she is no longer suffering and in pain. I hope to be with her one day again, but in the meantime, I know she's with her mom and dad, and brothers and she's with people who love her, and she is whole again. I miss her, but I sure do appreciate the time I was able to have with her.

My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I lost my grandmother (my mom's mom) almost a year ago now and even though I know she is in a better place and not suffering from this disease anymore, it's still very hard. I was 5 months pregnant when she passed and she never got to meet her great-grandson. Still not a week goes by that I don't cry, I just remind myself that she is safe now in the arms of God. Just being with her as much as possible in the last few weeks is the best thing you can do.

Thanks so much for all of your sharing. I am a new member, a middle-school teacher, and both of my parents have this disease. Dad's 83, Mom's 82. I came to this site, to get a glimpse of the inevitable. I was shocked to find out that Dad is either in stage 6 or 7 already. I guess I've had my head in the sand for a while. It's been three years in January since I've been caring for them full-time.
Again, forgive my ramblings, and may you all be blessed with calm and peace today and everyday for what you were able to do for your loved-ones.

I TOO AM GLAD THAT I FOUND YOU ALL...MY MOTHER HAS ALZ. AND MY FATHER JUST PASTED MARCH 14 2008..I QUIT MY JOB TO STAY WITH HER THOUGH THE DAY AND SHE GOES TO AN ADULT CENTER ON WED..THERE ARE 5 OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND A SISTER-IN-LAW THAT HELP IN THE EVENINGS THEN WE HAVE HIRED 2 OTHER LADIES THAT MOM KNOWS TO STAY SO WE CAN HAVE A BREAK AND BE WITH OUR FAMILIES...IT IS SO HARD TO WATCH HER SIT THERE AND I KNOW SHE IS DEPRESSED OVER DAD AND CONFUSSED ALL AT THE SAME TIME..I TAKE HER TO THE 50+ CLUB WHERE THE LADIES EXERCISE 2 TIMES A WEEK AND GO GET HER HAIR DONE ONE DAY WE TRY TO KEEP MOVING BUT NOT FAST TO HELP KEEP DOWN ON THE CONFUSION..SHE SAYS THAT SHE WANTS A SMALL HOUSE DOG..SO WE-HER AND I- HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT LITTLE DOGS..THEY SAY THATS GOOD THERPY..BUT I JUST NEED TO TALK WITH SOMEONE BESIDE FAMILY THAT IS DEALING WITH THE SAME THINGS...I AM THE PRIMARY CARE GIVER AND I NEED SOME SUPPORT AND I HAVE READ YOUR STORIES AND I HATE TO HEAR THE END FOR YOU THAT HAVE BEEN THERE ...LOSING MY FATHER IS STILL HARD AND NOW I HAVE LOST MY MOTHER TO SOME DEGREE...THANKS FOR LISTENING...SARAH

Hi Folks,

Mom had a stroke 7 years ago and I did all I could to keep her happy, even quitting work amd moving to a place where we could be in the fresh air and I can ride her around.

For about a year, she became super verbally abusive and at times physically. Regardless of all this, I continued to drive her around for air and sites.

Just 3 weeks ago, she became very sleepy during the day, refusing to eat and does go thru sundowning. I taped all the yelling she does. Feel if I ever start getting guilty after she passes I can play back the awful times she put me thru. Cussin', yellin' you guys know the deal.

Now, I think we're coming to the end. She stays in her recliner with her eyes closed, doesn't eat but sips the Ensure drink. I give her her meds crushed with vitamins and whipped cream.

I just don't want her to suffocate in her congestion due to CHF.

Hopefully, the hospice folks will come by tomorrow and advice. I know I won't be able to bathe her because her balance is shot. She is now total weight, no help with her weak side like she used to.

Kinda hard to watch mom go but I pray she's not in pain.

My thoughts & prayers go out to you all. It has been just over 2 yrs since ALZ took my Dad. One day while having a foot ulcer treated my Dad looked up with clear lucidity (that rare moment we all live for) & asked me to "make it stop" he said he hurt, his foot hurt, his hip hurt (2 hip replacements) his butt hurt and most importantly, his heart hurt for my Mom. I made the decision to use hospice. I couldn't cure him, the foot treatment was only prolonging foot or leg amputation. Dad was in the end stage at that time, refusing to feed himself or do anything anymore.

Once hospice was in place it was not long before the end, 2-3 weeks only. As hard as it was I never regretted the hospice decision. He was treated with love & kindness & dignity until the end. Actually, I was also.

Each day the memories move from the final stage of ALZ to remembering Dad as he was before ALZ. I am able to smile & even laugh now at some of the "old timers disease" stories of Dad.

This is a wonderful website, I learned so much while going through this although I did not post alot I read everything. Good Luck and love to you & yours.

I'm going thru this now. My mom had been living in an assisted living for the past two years.

Two weeks ago Sunday I got a call that she was being taken to the ER. I thought it was for the flu but it turned out to be a bi-lateral bleed in the brain, probably due to a stroke.
She was placed in hospice and has been intaking very little fluids and pureed foods. Swallowing is an issue for her. She is in no pain, and the Alz and stroke effects have made her be in the present. I've been to visit but am trying to distance myself, yes as a coping/defense mechanism. I spent almost every day with her for the past two years and this is so hard.

I pray that she will pass and not linger. My sister and I told her the other day we wanted her to go to my father and to be reunited with her mom and dad too.

I believe each and everyone of us who has been through this horrible disease comes out on the other side with a new appreciation for life and love.