Close your eyes ... Imagine this you are 8 years old playing with friends, and then your grandma comes over. She calls you Lydia, your cousin's name. "Oh, Nana always does that; it's no big deal. "She might forget her keys or her glasses.

Fast forward two years. Nana doesn't even remember your name. She doesn't recognize you, but instead thinks you are some random kid coming to hug her. She cries and sings all the time. You are only 10, and you don't know what is happening. "Aren't grandma's supposed to be there for you? To fix your hair and to bake cookies with you? Well at least I have my Dad's mom, Granny. She can do that stuff with me."

Fast forward another two years to June 25, 2005. It's Nana's funeral. I didn't cry at all. Not during the visitation, or when my mom, sister or dad cried. Not when we buried her or when we put the rose on her. Nope. Nada. Nothing. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I didn't love my Nana. I just had said goodbye that summer when I was 8. Unlike everyone else who was just beginning to grieve, I was done grieving. That I think is the one good thing about AD. You have time to say goodbye. Well, I had already said goodbye.

Fast forward three months. Dad says, "Girls come in here." Uh oh, I thought, what did I do now? "Granny, has AD." Oh no. You've got to be kidding me! That's not fair, I'm only 12 years old. How come BOTH of my grandmas had it? It's not fair! Well, life's not fair.

Fast forward to now, or two years later. I am 14 and grandmother less. Well, not really. My papaw is remarried (he was before Nana died; they divorced in '80 something), and I have my Miss Becky. Now I hold on TIGHT to her.

My dad's Granny is still "here"; well she knows my name. We grannysat her today, and she got lost in my house, a house that she has been to probably a thousand times. The sicker she gets, the more I push her away. I know it's sad and unfair. But you have to see, I am careful about who I let my heart go to. I have already said goodbye to Granny too. I will enjoy the time left that I can hold her hand, and sit on her lap and hug her. But she isn't my Granny. She isn't mine. I don't know who she is. But she definitely isn't MY granny.

I don't want pity. I look at life like a glass half full. Hey, I have a grandpa, two actually. Two parents, numerous cousins, friends and an AWESOME sister. My life is good. Could it be better? Yes. Could I be sad? Yes. Am I going to be? No. Why waste my life being sad about something I can't change. Yes, people are researching a cure for AD. But is there one now? No. Will there be one in time to save Granny? No. If I help the Alzheimer's Association, will there be one in time to save someone else's Granny? Yes. So I choose to live my life to the fullest, because I know that I may not have as long as I want to have. It's not fair that this happened to me. It's not. I won't let that stop me. I won't let anything stop me.

This is what my grandmas have taught me: To never let anyone or anything stop me.

Hello Claire - are you truly only 14? You write very clearly. I have a 14 year old daughter as well. I bet she shares some of your sediments. I'm very sorry your going through this again. I know it seems like the right thing to do to protect your heart from pain but I would ask you to try it from a different perspective - maybe your Grandma's. She's been there for you for a very long time from what you write. You say she's taught you to never let anyone stop you. Are you running from the possible pain? Have you ever heard the quote 'nothing great is ever accomplished without great risk'? You may be surprised at the reward for sharing your heart. It make not be immediately visible but it adds to your character. You can chose to be bitter than your Grandmothers are and have been taken from you in this very cruel way, or you can make it a positive experience. How? This path can show you how to have compassion for other human beings for one thing. It can show you just how deeply and truly to care for another human being. As you get older, I hope you realize this is probably THE biggest lesson you can learn in life - to truly love another human being.
Now is the time to honor your Grandmother for all she has done for you. I bet you don't fully understand how your smile, your laugh, your stories can still delight your Grandmother. I bet her face lights up when she sees you. You have a gift to share with your Grandmother Keep holding her hand and hugging her. Even those small acts are now more than ever so important. And if that's all you can manage to do, so be it but don't stop loving her. You won't be sorry. Your Grandmother is still in there somewhere and can hear you. Show her how strong your love is Claire -

To Ms. Beth,
Yes, I'm only 14... Thank you, and your advice is really helpful. Its sometimes really good to get advice from someone outside the home. Is your daughter dealing with AD? Thank you so much, for taking your time. It really is helpful advice. Thanks again.

Hello Claire - lovely to hear from you. I'm glad to 'talk' to you. My daughter is not quite as strong as you. I think she's very frightened of what she sees and wonders if it will happen to me too.
I believe there is a site for teenagers too. They may have their own chat room? I know on the main site has a link just for children of AZ.
Hold on tight Claire - you're going to be OK. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps ME help my own daughter.
Warmest wishes,
Beth