My sweet mama passed on March 25. She had been bedridden for the last 2 months and was recieving hospice care at her home. My father and I have been caring for her. I have a young child and he and my husband are what is keeping me going. I physically hurt with grief. Tomorrow is her funeral. How do you cope with this pain?
Cindy

Dear Artistsdaughter,
I am SO very sorry for the loss of your Dear Mother. How hard it must be. I fully
understand what you mean when you say you're experiencing "physical pain." I have
a father with dementia, who is still alive; but I lost two sisters and in 1997,
my 36 year old sister Barbara died; I felt EXTREME physical heaviness and pain.
I remember laying in bed, sobbing, barely able to catch my breath; my husband
was scared for me, and kept asking if I was OK. I was NOT! If this doesn't
pass soon, I encourage you to see your Dr. Grief can be overwhelming, and to
watch your sweet Mom pass (and to watch her be sick) takes its toll on us as
humans. I will pray you, your Dad and family are able to get through your Mom's
funeral OK. Please realize that since your Mom just passed, the intensity of
what you are feeling will be at its peak right now. Try to take deep breaths
and get through this day, hour by hour. (moment by moment if need be) Don't
allow your mind to think on or worry about tomorrow. You have enough to handle
today. I'm sending you ****big hugs***** I also wanted to encourage you to
check out the "Caregivers" forum. Even though you have lost your loved one,
this forum you posted on doesn't seem to have as much "activity." You will
find a HUGE amount of support on the other site: Caregivers forum. Many
people there have also lost their loved one. Please check it out, and post
about your Mom. You will see, many many others will answer you. God bless
you and your family.

It hurts so much. Looking back is a complete blur of that first few days. I guess you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. For me three months later it all seems so unreal. Has it been that long? on some days it still really hurts, other days not so bad but I don't think it is ever NOT on my mind. It is on running loop in my mind. I guess you just go on because I don't know what else you CAN do.

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief hurts all over. The pain may seem unbearable at times. The only way I am able to release some of my pain is by shedding many many tears. When you feel like you can't cope, hold on to your father, husband and child.
You will go through a time of numbness and disbelief. Your emotions will be all over the place. If possible, surround yourself with people who understand. Let them be your strength and let them hold you up.
I understand your pain. May God give you strength and carry you through this difficult time.

My mom hasn't passed but is hanging on by a thread. I, too, am very devastated. I'm anguished over the loss of my soul-mate, even though I have a spouse and grown kids. You see, this mom was quite special-very, very giving, loving and supportive all my 57 years. I'm trying to accept that I've lost her, but grief continues to consume me. I had to take a leave of absence from work. Now I slowly watch this dying process which kills me.
I don't really have many people who understand and would consider a grievance suppport group if I had a contact. I've read different posts and commend those compassionate souls who replied. I don't know if there's really an answer for me. I live in Philadelphia.

Hello: I understand the pain that you are going through. I just lost my mother on February 20th. It still feels as if it happened yesterday. The only thing that keeps me going is just understanding and knowing that she is in a better place now where she will not have to suffer anymore. It hurts to see our loved one go, but It is more selfish for us to want them here with us. We have to ask ourselves, Would we want them to continue to suffer or go to a better place? My mother lived a long life and I wish I could have her here longer, but in a healthy state. Just take one day at at time, that is all you can do. Remember the good times and keep knowing that even though they are not here physically with us, they are now in a much better place. I will keep you in my prayers.

g cohen
i understand the soul mate part because that is how i felt about my dad
he died in september and i still cry so much
it feels so empty without him
i too have a husband and grown children but no one can replace our special relationship
he loved people
i did not get the privilege of beeing with him the night he died because it seems the emergency d.r. did not tell the care facility how sick my dad really was
so his death was unexpected to everyone
i feel so bad that he was alone until the morning they found my dad on the floor
emergency was called but he was unresponsive
snyways just thought i would share this with you
i am now dealing with my mother who is dealing with several health issues as well as dementia
cheers spec

Oh dear ArtistsDaughter,
I lost my dear mom on March 20 and, although I am very sure she is in a better place, I, too, am devastated. I lost my only other sibling, my brother, a year and a half ago and my father five years ago ... so I am the only one left of my immediate family. As I sit here writing this there are tears in my eyes and my heart hurts. I am trying to wake up every morning with some sort of purpose - to make a difference. I quit my job yesterday and am going to volunteer for the library, the hospital and hospice. I NEED to make a difference now.
Bless you and peace be with you.
With love,

Zoprano,
You have always made a difference in this world! I'm very sorry about your Mom but you're right, she is in a better place now. No longer ill and free of pain. Caregivers are angels who walk on this earth! Be kind to yourself. Do joyful things. Thank God for having had such a wonderful Mom! Many people aren't as lucky as you. Wherever you volunteer, you will be an asset!!

Good Luck,
Please, keep us posted!

Peace and Hope,

Dear CRG and SPEC:

Thanks for your support, kind words and prayers. Hopefully, some of it will sink in and help ease my pain. I'm grateful. G-d bless.

I have read this thread over and over again, debating whether to reply. My own ego is in the way but I feel I really need to say something.

Grief is scary. All too often we allow it to gain power over us. In addition, when we lose someone to this disease, we find ourselves lost and without purpose. The moment our loved one breathes that last breath, we lose our identity.

I am not against volunteering. Within a month after Helen died, I was volunteering for hospice. But I do have to tell you that doing things on the outside will not fix the hole on the inside.

If you are in severe grief, I urge you to get help. Hospice offers a year of support after a death. I thought I was strong enough to do this on my own. I wasn't. The end result for me was that last month, I took an intentional drug over dose. Now I feel like I am at square one, trying to learn to deal again. So please do not follow in my footsteps. Please try to find someone to help you through this.

Lori ... thank you so much for your post.
I think I need to get help.I can't imagine trying to take my own life, but there is a hole inside of me that just can't be filled. I find myself eating things I don't normally eat because I feel so empty. I am the only one of my "growing-up" family left and I feel so alone even though I have a wonderful husband and three terrific grown daughters. I do feel without purpose - I went to visit a man in the home that mom was in and almost ran when I got to the door. My God ... how does one go on?
Thanks for being here.

Dear Artistsdaughter,
I am so sorry that your Mom is gone. My dear Dad died in January and I am lost without him. He was my mother's caregiver and he died suddenly. His heart just gave out. It feels like my heart was ripped out of me. My sister and I have only each other as Mom who has dementia is now in a nursing home. She needed care 24/7 and we tried but could not do it. We are going through the motions of living but the sadness and emptiness of Dad being gone is overwhelming. You are not alone - this site has been a lifeline for me. There are many days when I just want to run away. I am told it gets easier with time. God bless.

I lost my Mom on March 20th. I can't seem to get her face out of my mind when she was struggling for her last breaths. The fear in her eyes still haunt me because there was nothing I could do to take away her fear. My mom was just the best and I miss her so much! Some days it feels like a dream and some days it feels so real that I wished it felt like a dream. I miss her hugs and her smile. There is a big empty hole inside of me that nothing can fill. We all love our parents and life is just not the same without them and never will be. But it's the memories of them that will last forever and no one can take that away from us.

I lost my mother almost 8 years ago to AD. My father now has AD. I was lost without my mom. Those last few months were so intense in taking care of her, then it was over and I didn't know what to do with myself, I didn't feel I had a purpose any longer even though I still had my family and a job. My main focus for so long had been my mother. You are right that nothing will ever fill the void when you loved one passes. You have put so much time and energy into caring for your loved one and then one day they're gone. It will take a lot of time for you to adjust and to gain back your life. Be patient with yourself, step back into your life slowly again. Remember the things that you enjoyed and begin to do them again, one by one. Live your life again and in doing that you honor your loved one, because life is precious and your loved one would want you to be happy and enjoy your life. This all takes time, no specific timeframe for it. Nothing will fill the space they left behind, but with time the intensity of the sadness and grief will lessen, and you will be able to remember them in better times. I wish you all better days, they will come in time.

Please accept my belated condolences on your loss. Grief is a VERY difficult thing to cope with. I do agree that talking to someone could help. We used to live in Indio, CA just off of Monroe St. My hubby & I were both volunteer firefighters for the fire dept out of Station 86 ( the headquarters ) in Indio. Now we live in Tombstone, AZ.