Last year at this time my mom’s AD was progressing and we were dealing with some paranoia and delusions. Her Neuro started her on Aricept in August 2008 and a small dose of Respirdal for the psychotic issues. She was living in an ALF and waiting for an open room in their dementia care unit.

On October 1, 2008 at about 1:00 AM, I got a call from the ALF. (I knew THIS couldn’t be good!). When I answered the phone, a frantic voice at the other end told me that I had to come and get my mother because she was awake and in the hall screaming and waking up all the other residents. I tried to get her to tell me what happened, but she just kept pleading with me to come and get my mom and held out her phone so that I, too, could have the joy of hearing my mom yelling for everyone to just leave her alone! Ok, I make the 17 mile drive to the ALF and go in, half way expecting to hear my mom yelling, but instead I hear nothing. A caregiver was sitting downstairs and said, “She is upstairs with Danielle” (the facility’s Administrator). I went upstairs and found my mom sitting in the “Library” with Danielle. She was wearing slacks and a blouse and on top of her slacks she had on long underwear, but only on one leg…the other leg of the underwear she had pulled up and wrapped around her right hand like a bandage. She told me she was pretending it was a “weapon” in case the caregivers didn’t go away and leave her alone. After about 1 ½ hours, we had my mom tucked back into bed and I kissed her goodnight. Danielle then told me to come back in the morning (it WAS morning by now!) because I would need to get my mom admitted to a psych ward because they cannot have her yelling and waking up the other residents again. I left (after I called the Auto Club because, in my frenzy, I had locked my keys in my car) and got back home about 4:00AM. I called work and told them I wouldn’t be in that day and went back to the ALF at 8:00 AM and called mom’s Dr (Neurologist) from the Administrator’s office and explained what happened. The Dr talked the ALF into keeping my mom there and letting her manage my mom’s behavior with medication adjustments, feeling certain that removing Aricept and increasing the Respirdal dosage would help. I stayed at the ALF all day with my mom. I had lunch with her in the dining room and sat and visited with her in her room all day. I left after dinner that night, kissing mom goodbye and telling her I would be back on Saturday. I slept with one eye open that next night, hoping the phone wouldn’t ring, praying that the medication adjustment would work. It did. Mom never had another outburst like the one that night.

That was one year ago today. It was also my birthday. I remember feeling sad and depressed about how I was spending my birthday in this ALF all day long after not having any sleep the night before and mom didn’t even realize it was my birthday.

Today, I am missing my mom. After that episode last year, mom’s AD progressed. She experienced depression and more confusion. She eventually fell and broke her hip, had surgery, but never fully recovered from that trauma. She passed away on February 14th this year (Valentines Day). I loved her dearly. I miss her terribly and I hate what AD did to her. She was the best mom ever for 55 years and for that, I will always be grateful. And, I am grateful that I spent the last birthday I would have while mom was alive with her although I didn’t realize it at the time. And, this year, I know my mom is wishing me a Happy Birthday today!

Thanks for letting me share my story. The help and support I have gotten from these message boards is a blessing.

Mari

Aye Mari! You always do it to me! I'm crying here at work. Thank you for sharing your story. I want to write more but don't want to cry more.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *hugz* I know your mom is watching over you and wishing you a Happy Birthday too.

P.S. Guess what? I spent my last birthday with my mom too and it will be 1 yr ago this coming December.

Mari - First, Happy Birthday! And thank you for being such a support to me through my own grief.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how deeply it hurts and especially today.

I am sending you a BIG HUG tonight and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers so that you find some peace and strength.

Love,

Lisa

Mari- I hope you had a Happy Birthday Yesterday! It is amazing what we remember. My birthday is 4 days after Christmas & I spent it with my mom also. She didnt remember either,but you know what I do & always will. My cousin even took pictures of our visit. Who knew it would be the last one? This morning driving my son to school the song Mama Mia comes on the radio. What do I do I start to cry! Then I remember the broadway shows I took her to & how much fun we had. I am trying to focus on the good times we had & hoping someday to smile & laugh about them. We all know what this disease does & others need to be educated. Sorry to keep rambling but this disease took our loved ones & we must fight to be strong. I have read the other posts & wonder if the behavior issues are just another stage of this disease too. I am sure that we all went through it, I know I did. Take care of yourself & treat yourself to a birthday dinner & raise your glass to the heavens! Continue to make memories & remember your mom is watching you & smiling from above.

Looking back really does change things, doesn't it? How wonderful that you took the time to spend with her last year. And how wonderful that her doctor was able to convince the ALF to work with him and her to get meds worked out. We never did find the right meds for my DF.

Happy Birthday. I know this year she knew it was your birthday!