Some times I feel like I'm robbing God.

Quick disclaimer- Please don't argue this point. At least not the spiritual point. It is my own view point, everyone has one! Start your own discussion if you want.


Here it is. I started showing signs of Alzheimer's in about 1999. It continued to worsen until being diagnosed in 2008. Since then I might even improved, probably because of the medications. There are still times that my demenor is not normal but therd are a lot of good days also. I feel like I'm allowing medical science to keep God from his plan for me.

Tom, perhaps God is using medical science because he has lots of plans left for you.

JAB, Thank You for that thought. It has always been my policy though out my life to keep positive thoughts. At this point in my life I'm not sure what is positive.
I have accepted that my life has changed from my days of earning a living and providing for the family. I've tried to make the transition into another stream to help others. That isn't doing well and more and more obsticals come my way. Loosing my drivers lisense is an obsicale that has all but thrown dirt in my face.
I'll just keep my eyes and ears open for the signs sending me in a new direction.

quote:

Some times I feel like I'm robbing God.

Tom, when I read that, my interpretation is that you're wondering if taking medicine is altering your god's plan for your disease?

What are you thinking? Is it that your god wants to to die more quickly? I'm really curious, and I promise to be respectful.

Tom,
Try to view your losing your license as a challenge now.
I just did this today. I have a car but cannot drive due to a fractured knee.
Car was overdue on a oil change and sunroof would not shut all the way.
After several calls I found a place who would come and pick car up and do the repairs and bring car back.
Just because you can no longer drive your car dosn't mean you have no say so on what goes on with it.
Your still the owner and it's there for people to drive you where ever you need to go.
And as I have found out today I can get things fixed with out bothering any family members,.. that's a good feeling for me.
Marcia

Alan and Marcia,
Thanx for your replies!
First thing,
I know that my God is an awhesome God. He only wants the best for me. The medications are a result of His providing humans with a brain capabale of inventing cures for aliements.
Next,
I'm not used to needing help. Now I need the doctors to keep me living well.
lastly,
This disease was throwen at me for a reason. Is it Gods will to have me extend my life with meds or is he calling me home?

quote:

Originally posted by Ttom:
This disease was throwen at me for a reason. Is it Gods will to have me extend my life with meds or is he calling me home?

Hi Tom,

No, I don't think he is calling you home. I think your God is giving you the knowledge that there are options to your life. We all have decisions to make in life as well as death. You still have life left to live. You study and research those options available, then make the best decision for you based on the information you have available at the time. That is the way it should be.

At least that is how I look at it. Interesting though...... My feelings about the future are really a curiosity of sorts. What will it be like? What will I be like? And On And On. In the end.....What will it matter, it will be what it will be! So "Don't Worry - Be Happy!" Right?

Lynn

Dear Tom, I don't believe God gives us pain but God will use our pain to make something constructive.

You're helping us every day on these boards Tom. I look forward to reading your particular take on our fellow members' posts. You don't have to go outside your home to be of help.

Tom, when you get a chance, will you join us in the chat room some evenings?

Iris L.

Dear Tom,

I am a very spiritual person. What I have come to believe is that the things we've experienced in life (good and bad) prepare us for more life (good and bad). OK Example: My husband died when I was 29 and my daughter was 4. It took me a long time to work thru that grief but later I became an RN. I made people well for a while then later on I found Hospice. It's the circle of life. I think I went thru my husband's illness and death to prepare me to help others to the same.

Am I making sense?

I think your God has plans for you. Whether it's helping others on these boards or starting your support group! See what I mean??? A different life than before but still a good one!

Am I making any sense yet?

I think the many challenges I've faced in my life have helped prepare me for what is happening to me now. Oh, I have good days and bad days but I haven't thrown in the towel yet!

quote:

I'm not used to needing help. Now I need the doctors to keep me living well. Lastly, This disease was thrown at me for a reason. Is it Gods will to have me extend my life with meds or is he calling me home?

Tom, like music? I don't consider myself in the Miley Cyrus demographic, but I dare you to pull up, e.g. on YouTube, her singing "The Climb." There's always going to be another uphill battle, there's always going to be another climb.

And really, if your god wanted you to die, wouldn't you be dead now?

Ttom,

I struggle with the same question. What is my purpose now that I have been removed from the prior opportunities to impact the world or others?

I do see that occasionally, I will be given an opportunity to help someone else get through a struggling time. Last Thursday, I was at a brain injury support group. I usually meet with those who have been long term survivors of brain injury or disease.

This time, I met with those newer (less than a few years) to brain disjunction. I commented on how I have learned to accommodate some of my disabilities. Afterward, two people expressed their thanks for my input. They had felt isolated and dysfunctional with their struggles. I gave them hope to learn how to overcome or accommodate these struggles without feeling so isolated.

It was amazing how many said, "That happens to me too." They had attended many prior meeting with the same experienced facilitator/social worker. My few minutes of being transparent about my struggles and successes was a great benefit to them.

We also discovered that many of us have strong spiritual beliefs. We were able to support each other with this new openness.

One woman, who has a serious speech struggle due to a massive brain trauma, was even bold enough to shake her finger at those who were stuck in a pity party. She has come a long way from her comatose state and has a long way to go, but was able to encourage others.

Only LeiAnne could be so bold because her disabilities and struggles are so obvious.

Those in the most dire circumstances can often be the most help as they persevere in their struggles.

As my signature says, "Be still and know that I am God" or in other translations, "Cease striving and know that I am God."

We do not need to be striving to be productive to be acceptable and valuable to God and His creation.

My only routine outreach is taking care of others toddlers and other youngsters. The little ones have a good way of letting you know that you are still significant.

Whether it is my own grandkids, or someone else's kids, their look of excitement or comfort tells it all.

When they realize that your lap is available and comfortable, your other limitations become very minor.

At least for me.

For the Christians, re: finding the Christian god's meaning for your lives? Heck, I haven't been in church for over twenty years, and I still remember where that's found. Matthew, towards the end, maybe chapter 25? The Great White Throne Judgment, where god clearly lays it out. You do x, y, and z, you go to heaven. You don't do x, y, and z, you go to hell.

Hi Everyone

I'm at a stage in my life, which I have just come to realize....I am dying!

Since being dignosed, I have mourned my career, I mourned the loss of frnds and some family members.....but, I'm still here...

Finaly, I'm at peace with my life. I will be going to PT for my "wide stance" and my "strange gait". I lose my balance, fall or am just dizzy!

I will have a new MRI to check my hippocampus and the brain stem.... my vision has "gone to hell in a handbasket" but, that's okay...I simply acept.

I no longer research, it's exhausting and confusing at this juntcure in my life. So, I simply accept.

Is anybody else out there just "plain ol' tired"? How do you get past it. Sleeping up to 14/16 hrs a day then staying up for much the same....

I'm just tired
M

Hey Mary,

I do understand what you're saying but there are times when we still need to fight the good fight!

Yes, I am tired. Yes, I get down and out. Yes, I'm tired of fighting this monster on a daily basis.

But, there is still GOOD life to be had. Perhaps your just in a rut?? Do you do any volunteer work? What about animals??

Find something to re-kindle your passion for life! Perhaps it's a pottery class?

Keep searching, Mary. You're a doer!!

Just hanging out can make you crazy!! lol.

Thinking of you.

Hey Lisa

I completely understand what you're saying.

I am currently living with a girlfriend. We will be renting a house and move within the month.

She has a puppy "elephant" Beau, which I am happily "trying" to train. He's 65 lbs and solid as a rock! It's sometimes difficult to control him, due to my gait and his weight!

Once I go to court (re:divorce) I will once again be able to enjoy life as it was/is...

I do plan to volunteer with the Alz Org here at home, but, it depends on transportation.

I'm still trying to deal with my daughter who is in denial and she's to be my caregiver!
M

Mary, Lisa,

I don't post much anymore, but I've read your post about the falling and gait problems. I have the same problems. I also see a shrink and what Lisa wrote about the anger and not being the same person and learning to deal with the new person is what we are talking about. When I fell really bad and hit my head I haven't felt the same since. I will most likely have to have another MRI. I walk with a cane, but I was having gait problems before I was told I had EOAD.

Then I had spinal cord compression surgery and have used a cane since I lost all feeling in my right leg. Of course I can't drive now, which really sucks. I hate to depend on others for things I always took for granted.

I don't know if the day will ever come I can really say I accept this crappy way of life. I miss my old life, but who wouldn't? I hope my shrink can help me, I've been going since April. I really like her. But, at the end of the day it's like Mary says it is what it is. Maybe none of this makes sence, but I just wanted to put my two cents in. Everyone think they understands, but they don't. I'm sorry Mary your daughter feels the way she does.

My daughter knows, but we talk about my EOAD. I am able to keep my grandbaby and that helps.


Sharon

S.H.
I have been having falls and walk with a wide gait. I get banged up with these falls but I have been lucky enough to not break anything. I have been accepting the changes in my life so far. I am still enjoying reading books, doing word puzzles and watching old movies over and over. I have trouble speaking and I have been limiting my social life to just my family. I work from a home office but I don't know how long I can continue. I have been finding support by just reading all the discussions. I have been going through so much of the same issues.

Dear Mary, Sharon and Kathy,

Thanks for sharing your lives and your stories. Yes, sometimes life sucks. Yet, there still are wonderful times! My daughter and her husband came this weekend and we did the AD Memory Walk! Wow, I had a great time except for my leg injury. But, seeing my daughter and spending time with her, well, there's nothing like it on this earth!

There is still good life to be had!

Dear Lisa, I don't have the energy to do a Memory Walk right now. I'm glad you and your daughter and SIL were able to participate.

Kathy, I don't remember if I welcomed you before but Welcome Now! You's still working from home? Great! Maybe some others of us can find work to do from home.

Sharon, I'm glad you're so close to your daughter and grandbaby. That's good for all of you.

Mary, I've been divorced so I know you will feel a big weight lifted off your shoulders when your divorce becomes final. Then you can go to your next stage of your life.

I've been on treatment for about 6 months. I feel like I'm coming out of a coma. My life is resuming again. I don't want my life to be the same as before; I want it to be better.

Iris L.

Hi Everyone

Thanks for your posts, they really mean alot.

My PCP is having me take physcal therpy "to re-train my gait". She said that it is probable to possibly walk closer to normal than how I walk at this time (wide gait).

I'm still trying to work on my dtr, but, I find not doing a thing is possbily best at this time.

At this time I find I worory more about money, how to get around (my belongings, inclding my vehicle are stil at my brothers)and what my friends and family think.

My family basically, pushes me away. I guess this is to be away from the disease and the (?) sorry lost my word)relty of it!

If it wasnt for all that post on these threads, I truly don't know I how make it each day.

I try to take each day as it is, because, it is what it is. I try to hold the monster at bay, but at times I find it diffclt.

I thank god for all you. You help me make it thru my day(s).

M

Dearest Mary,

Sounds like you're not only walking the walking but also talking the talk! Good for you!

You can't worry about what others think. You have to do what's best for YOU!

My leg is still a mess after the fall on my new bike. Oh guess, what? I received the bill in the mail (credit card) yesterday for the trike and it (the trike) was stolen the day before! Wow, such is life! I'm sure the police will never find it!

Keep hanging in there!!!

Lisa some credit cards used to have a warranty policy for expensive items if they broke or were lost. can you check that out?

Iris L.

Iris is right. Many VISA cards come with a year insurance for theft, damage, and extension of the factory warranty.

I got a Futon mattress refunded when it was damaged by slipping and getting torn up by the trailer tire.

You probably have to file a police report for the claim.

Good luck

Hi to All,

My mastercard doesn't have any of that so I bought the bike, road it a few wonderful times then crashed. A few days later it was stolen. I did file a police report but haven't heard anything. So, I had to pay for the bike. Ah, such is life!

I'd just like to understand how people can just take other people's things (that they've worked hard for)!? I don't understand. I would never take someone else's stuff? how to they think it's OK to steal??

This is such a crazy, mixed-up world!