My husband has had EOAD for about six years. My children and I are in the process of admitting him to a nursing home. Even with Lunesta his sleep is spotty so he's up over and over again every night. (Ambien doesn't work.) I still have to work and my kids are out of the house, so I don't sleep enough, either.

I spoke to my out-of-town sister-in-law a few weeks ago. I told her what was happening and the subject of finances came up. I told her about the Spousal Impoverishment Law - explained what it is, how it works, etc and that I plan to take advantage of it. It's not perfect, but it's a godsend to me. To make a very long story short, she told me that if she were me, she'd make his sleep medication available to him and "sort of" let him know that if he feels that he can't live this way anymore, all he has to do is take "some more" pills and he would sleep painlessly away - because she was just sure he wouldn't want to be living the way is now if he had a choice. (She even said he'd have to take his own pills so that his fingerprints are on the bottle.) I was stunned.

At the end of the conversation she said that, of course, she'd understand my decision and would not try to stand in my way, but, she said "I just never thought anybody in my family would end up on Medical Assistance." What a fine sister my husband has. Seems she'd rather see him dead than have to admit to anyone that MA covers the cost of his care.

I swear this is the truth. There's more to the story, but this is what really upset me. Has anyone else ever had to deal with someone like this?

You SIL doesn't know anything about AD but she should be concerned. If her bro has it, maybe it will get her too, then she can take her own advice.

I am so very sorry you have to deal not only with losing your spouce but with stupidity as well. The thng is she may very well have her own illness going on and that is why the strange respounce you know. I hope you take care of you....your sister in the Alzheimers Journey. Oh yes my husband is 53 was dx'd 3 years ago... I know how hard this all is on you honey.

I too am so sorry you have to deal with that kind of thinking. Thank God that you are smart enough to realize how stupid she is. I myself cannot stand remarks that I have heard from family members unknowledgeable to AD but think they know what's best. I am considered a very calm person, but this kind of talk makes my blood boil. We have our friends here and I feel blessed every time I tune in to the messages that will always give me strength to do the right thing. Feel comfortable to know you have many good friends through this journey we are all involved in. My mom's daughter.

Tallgirl, please don't listen to your SIL or anyone else who talks that kinda trash to you.... I have EODA and I know I would never want my family to have to live with anything like that on their conscience. I would want them to put me in a NH and go on with their lives..... and not feel guilty about their decision.

Hey,.I am not going to be happy anywhere...and from what I am reading this is much harder on the caregiver than it is going to be on me.

When this disease advances to the place where I will need a NH....... I want my family to know that I know they did their best and now I want them to let me go.

I am making notes of all of these things to remind my family to "LET ME GO" and not to get hung up on all of these feels of guilt and shame for not being able to do more, etc, etc......

Tallgirl, do what your heart tells you to do in re to your hubby. Then go on with your life, at least that is what I will write to my family. If there is any funds out there to help you then by all means use them!!! This country needs to wake up to what is important,

I am just sorry it had to happen to me before I woke up. Look at all the time I have wasted by not helping and giving to those who needed help....What a shame!!

Many blessings to you and your family,

Carolyn

Thanks to all of you - such wonderful new friends - for taking the time to write!