My wife is 56 and I am 55. She was diagnosed when she was 49. She is a 3 year breast cancer survivor. We have been married for 32 years. I really do miss my best friend. I have her in daycare while I work. A piece of me dies every morning when I drop her off and then pick her up after work. I truly feel I am alone and at the end of my rope. I am very thakful there is a knot at the end of that rope that lets me hang on. I would love to speak with others who have a spouse with this horrible horrible disease.

Sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis.

You would do well to post in the caregivers forum too.

My condolences on your wife's diagnosis. In my marriage, I'm the spouse with dementia. My wife is just now finishing up treatment for breast cancer found about 14 months ago.

Speaking from your wife's side of it, my wish is that you quit beating yourself up over dropping her off in the morning. For many if not most of us, that's the best thing you could do for us. Sure, we need our spouses' love. But we have to get out and about, see places and people, or we decline a lot faster.

You're doing great. I hope when I catch up to your wife in the next couple years, my wife is as dedicated to me, as you to your spouse.

Hi, wfbjr, and welcome to the forum.

As Mark suggested, you might want to also post on the Caregiver forum. It is a lot bigger and more active than this one, and many of us with AD spouses spend a lot of our time there.

The emotional, legal, and financial issues that a spouse faces are, of course, very different from those caring for parents, grandparents, etc. But a lot of the caregiving issues are the same, no matter what our relationship with our loved one, and like this forum, the Caregiver forum is a wonderful place to learn, and share.

For better or worse, I don't have to face leaving my husband to go off to work ... I lost my company. I miss my work (and the income!!!), but I would have a terrible time of it if I had to be separated from my dear love every day. He is still pretty functional, and while there's a lot he can't do, the basic essence of his personality is still there, and he is good company -- very sweet and affectionate.

Dear wfbjr,

Hello and Welcome to the AD Message Boards. I'm so sorry to hear about your wife but I am glad you've found us.

Sounds like you are doing a great job! As Alan said, don't beat yourself up about things, you are a wonderful husband. It just happens that there is no cure for EOAD/Dementia.

You may want to post on the Caregiver's forum or go to the Chat room.

Remember, we do have a 24/7 AD Helpline @800-272-3900 if you need someone to talk with.

Welcome to OUR family. You are NOT alone. We're here.

Please, come back and tell us more.

Hello wfbjr, Let me also welcome you to these message boards. There are other young dementia couples who have recently joined our boards. Please look for the threads of DSM14 and RedSox2004. They are in your age group.

Come to the chat room in the evenings. There are several married caregivers who come on who are caring for their spouses of all ages.

Iris L.

quote:

Originally posted by wfbjr:
My wife is 56 and I am 55. She was diagnosed when she was 49. She is a 3 year breast cancer survivor. We have been married for 32 years. I really do miss my best friend. I have her in daycare while I work. A piece of me dies every morning when I drop her off and then pick her up after work. I truly feel I am alone and at the end of my rope. I am very thakful there is a knot at the end of that rope that lets me hang on. I would love to speak with others who have a spouse with this horrible horrible disease.

Dear friend, I certainly know your emptiness. I have been sole caregiver for five years now for my wife of 26 years, who is now only 56. I am retired on a disability and have quite enough to do just caring for myself, let alone act as caregiver for an early onset dementia patient. This is an incredibly cruel disease and I terribly miss my beloved wife, who has always been the most kind and gentle person I have ever known. She is not a candidate for daycare and now I consider it unsafe to leave her with others at our home for as little as two hours at a time two days a week to allow me to try to attend to responsibilities of running a household. She is able to stand and walk and until recently, she has been able to feed herself, but that is the extent of her abilities. Her speech is no more than a series of meaningless repeated syllables. She raised eight beautiful children with me who share the grief of seeing their mother consumed by this cruel disorder. The time has come for me to arrange for long term professonal care for her and I don't know how I'll cope with being without her next to me. My heart goes out to all who have come before me in this painful experience.