Hello, I am a new member and am very concerned about my mother. She has had memory issues for the past few years, problems with abstract thinking, and has mood swings and episodes of suspiciousness. She gets very upset if we bring up memory issues or safety concerns and has mood swings resulting in verbal outburst which can be very hurtful to family members and very stressful. My father has a history of heart problems so I am also worried about this stress on him although he tends to act like he is not stressed and defends her and lets things slip under the rug. My sister and I have been trying to get them to go to the doctor for further examination of these issues but my mother becomes very upset when we suggest this and my father does not want to rock the boat. Just yesterday, my mother put plant food in a water bottle and put it in the refrigator and my sister drank it and my mother became angry at my sister instead of trying to help her. (My sister is OK). I am very concerned about my mother and family's well-being and am not too sure how I can make her go to the doctor. I have talked to her primary doctor's nurse and the cardiologist's nurse about my concerns. Any ideas would be much appreciative. I live 1500 miles away and am very concerned about my parents.
Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving!

Joanne

same here Joanne....I was in your very spot about a year ago...then Mom had a terrible health crisis.....she fell in her bathroom, hrt. rate soared so high, she fainted and hit her head and brst, so now in addition to the EOAD and her CHF, she has a ruptured breast. Getting her to go to the Dr's before this happened was impossible.......in fact after her 3 wk stay in hosp. she had to follow-up with dr's and I had to get 2 of her closest brothers plus my brother to pep-talk her into going. WOW what stress....it was a real hassle....I do understand, its a nightmare. She also would not go to dentist, now no teeth, I have to remind her to rinse w/mouthwash and she gets angry.....but the germs could cause worse problems......Im sorry you're going thru this, take it one day at a time...or it will consume you......Stand Firm.......take care....zoey

ZOEY
CHERUBCT@VERIZON.NET

Joanne,
I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. Have you looked into any programs that might send a nurse/doctor to your home that could do a memory test? There's a book I recently read-"Death in Slow Motion..." by Eleanor Cooney. In it a nurse is sent to administer a memory test. I don't know much about the names of programs that might be available or if that's even a possibility but it might help to have the person come to their house.
My thoughts are with you!
Kate

Many people have had success bringing people to a "routine physical" in which the doctor does the memory tests as discretely as possible. Most doctors will understand if you warn them ahead of time, and will try to accomodate the patient. She may be defensive about seeing a memory doctor, but a routine physical is nothing to fear.

I had the same problem with my mother. In fact her most volatile stages were before diagnosis. A relative took her to see her primary care physician because I was ill, when I tried to give the information to be shared with the doctor before they left, my mother went crazy, screaming, yelling that we'd be sorry and just wait until it happens to us.......etc. Her doctor didn't hear her symptoms that day because relative was too afraid to get mom all riled up again. Her diagnosis didn't come for another 18 months, which was too late because the disease was in the advanced stages by that time.

My advice is to let the doctor know ahead of time, before the visit, when the patient isn't around. You can make a phone call, an appointment to "consult" without the patient, or send the doctor a list of everything the person is doing. This is what I did and it was so helpful and finally we were able to get the appropriate tests and diagnosis. Since the AD was advanced, the medications only helped for a very short time.