Hi all

I have been experiencing the worst highs and mostly lows. I can't understand why. I've been trying to garden (if these rains at odd hours of the day would quit) I find digging in the dirt therapeutic.

What does everybody else do for depression? I'm soo tired of being drugged.....wellbuterin, that's my elixir!

M

Hey Mary,
How do I handle my depression? Frankly, I don't know. The roller coaster can be very difficult sometimes! I do know that the right meds do help a lot.
I know what you are saying about being "drugged" I call it being "gorked." (I like that word). I hate being gorked!

Mary, depression in and of itself can be a very difficult disease. Now it is coupled with your EOAD signs and symptoms! It makes things a little tougher.

Have you considered talk therapy?? I have participated in therapy at several junctions in my life and found it very helpful.

Finding the RIGHT therapist can be tricky! I talked with a lot of toads b4 I found a few really good therapy princes and princesses! But, it was VERY worth it. Time, energy and money well spent. But, you have to be willing to be honest, open and do the work which sometimes means feeling those feelings that can be so difficult! Sometimes, no pain, no gain!

If you're are up to it, go read some of my blog

http://lcc-thoughtsfromtherollercoaster.blogspot.com/


I hope it helps.

Thinking of you.

Mary, ever hear this: If you can keep your head when everyone else is losing theirs, maybe you don't understand what's happening.

What's hard to figure out when one has a progressive, incurable illness, is how much of a particular feeling is justified, and how much is over-indulgence.

And I ask myself questions. Like, how can I know what a normal reaction is, for those of us with deteriorating brains? It's possible for AD to cause depression by messing with our brains. For that, we take medicine.

My disease has given me rage episodes beyond anything I've ever reached before. It's given me hallucinations, and paranoia, and quite often a bad attitude. It's taken more from me already than I can even comprehend, and it's just getting started. How can we decide how much depression, or rage, or whatever emotion, is appropriate?

So, for depression incurred due to a progressive dementia, I unilaterally declare that all responses you have are normal . . . for the circumstances.

Keep up the meds, and light exercise. Avoid foods that will cause sugar spikes, when you come down that induces depression, too. Walking in sunshine is great, provided of course one has a fashionable hat collection.

Hey Lisa & Alan

Lisa, I'll read your blog in the am. Alan, I understand what you mean when you state: is the state our brains are in causing depression, but, with you, it's rage.

I do maintain a low sugar diet. I've been trying to walk every day. I love sunshine, hats, well, I don't know.

Do you all recall when I told you about the lady who was standing at the end of my bed when I awoke in the middle of the night? Well, now I feel cold air around me all the time. You know, when the hair on your body feels like it's standing on it's ends!

I'm so tired of taking pills...I've always taken vitamins to keep me going. When I was working, I didn't always eat right. Is this payback time? I can't seem to get past taking soo much medicine, it's not natural.

I'm also tired of circumstances, depression, feeling challenged with just about everything I try to do. And talking with people, that's another story. I don't like what this "monster" is doing to myself and everybody else on these threads.....it really ticks me off! I almost feel defeated in the fight. It's tiring...it's exhausting!

I want to know at what point, stage, whatever, do we get to the happy side of acceptance and drift with it? You know, like they show on TV (yes TV is fantasy/stories, fiction),I want to know how to get there, so I won't care anymore about this disease and what it has done to all of us!

M

Mary,
I know how you feel, highs and lows. After a year of have EOAD I realized I needed some help dealing with this. I called the ALZ Assoc. and they gave me a name of a Psychologist that deals with ALZ patients. I have been going for over a month, and I can tell it is helping. I have learned a lot from her. What I really like is she told me her grandmother had ALZ. and she had experienced it first hand. I felt I could talk to someone who knew where I was coming from and not just from being a PHD. I take 225 mg of Effexor a day. I have to fight every day with depression. My neurologist asked me if I wanted to have a medication for depression changed. I told him no for now anyway, I don't want to go around doppy all day. I also take three xanax a day for panic attacts or when I get real upset. I have to stay away from any stress if I want to get through the day. I am lucky my husband keeps stress away. You have had a lot of stress lately, I admire you how you have come out as sane as you are. I still think your ex-husband needs an ass kicking. I miss my old life, working, driving and making plans. Now plans are gone except the deep six. Hang in there.

Sharon

Our regulators are broken, aren't they? There's not much there to slow us down, like when I'm getting angry or someone else is getting depressed, instead of a normal, contained reaction, sometimes we just keep going.

Sharon, the right anti-depressant shouldn't make you feel dopey. Too bad you live in Texas, people with panic and anxiety usually benefit from the right variety of medical marijuana. If your Effexor quits working, ask your doctor about one of the SNRIs. Not an SSRI, I mean an SNRI. They seem to be pretty effective, where others fail. I take Cymbalta, more for the neuropathic pain relief than the mood, but it's all helpful.

When will we get to the happy, drifting stage? I'm thinking that I'll always be cursed with being aware of what's happening to me like I am now, so it'll never get easy. (I know, not very cheerful.)

The "happy, drifting stage", Alan?

If you achieve it, please let me know, okay?

Right now, the one person I know who seems to be the most "at peace" with this crappy disease, is our friend Mike Donohue.

I wish I live closer to him (and any of you - for that matter), because although my wife does her best to keep a happy face and me cheerful, I know it's wearing on her, and that makes me feel like hell.

The LAST thing I want is to be a burden on anyone, and this is about to drive me up the friggin' wall!

Alan, Sharon, CR, Mary et al,

WE are in the EARLY stages of AD/Dementia/FTD whatever. I pray that one day I just won't know anymore that way I won't have to fight anymore.

But then, I won't know my family!

I can't win!

quote:

Originally posted by Lisa 428:
Alan, Sharon, CR, Mary et al,

I likes it when you talk Latin to me, Hon!

But seriously, I understand all too well what you're saying. This is exactly why we need to stop this disease in its tracks.

I just re-aquired a very loving family (Dondra's folks), and I am scared to death of losing them through losing my mind.

I have GOT to get out of this "It's all about me" mode!

Thanks, Y'all

About that "happy drifting" phrase, I think I was quoting somebody else. Can't remember who or why, but you know how that goes.

And Bill, lighten up on cursing your remaining life, OK? If people choose to be around you now, that's with their knowing pretty much what they're in for. Saying you don't want to be a burden, to the very people that are there to be burdened with you, is being a . . . well, you can think of a word or two, just don't type it out!!

Nobody looks good in a martyr's uniform. You, sir, are worth no more and no less what any of us are worth, and you are no more and no less deserving of care than any of us.

Tough love, brought to you tonight by . . . well, me.

Hey Everybody

Thank you all sooo very much just, for being there. You help me put things into perspective when my head is so foggy that I can't.

Isn't life kind of funny (haha) in that, in the case of our disease, it has brought complete strangers together every day, afternoon evening and the wheeee hours of the morning?

I personally, have no idea how I would get through my days if it wasn't for all of you! Thank you soo much!

I guess I should count my blessings? Again, I'm not very religious. I have family who truly cares about me, we all have to make adjustments!

I just had the strangest thing happen to me. While writing this, several of the words I typed, letters in the words were completely mixed up (thank you spell check)! This ever happen to any of you? I can recall a test I took showed that while writing,(especially left handed/I'm right handed) several of my letters were either out of sequence or mixed up! Is this normal of this disease? I'm not sure.....

If that's the case, I "think" my brain is literally being consumed from the depths to the surface, instead of sporadically!

Alan, I've pulled my "big girl panties" up! But, I'm extremely tired of "tough love!"

M

Alan,
My med's for depression don't make me feel doopy, now they did at first, but I've been on them going on three years, my neurologist upped the dosage when I was told I had EOAD. I didn't want to go to something stronger and feel goofy all day. It's hard enough as it is. I guess I could get on something really strong and go around acting drunk and really scare the neighbors, Ha Ha. Being on something stronger won't make the pain of having to deal with this mess or make me forget. This is a journey I never expected to happen.I'm sure all of you feel this way. Sometimes I want to go outside and scream, but, that is not the way I am. I wonder at times if I act different around people, no one has said that I do, but most people won't tell you that. Lisa,I read your blog you are so honest.Bill I help feed the animals every day. I am an animal lover.

Sharon

Thanks, Alan and Sharon

SYou know? A friend once told me I am my own "worst enemy", and I believe I am.

Thank you both! Bill

Sorry Mary, but "tough love" is sort of what you get with me nowadays. If it's any consolation, I'm toughest on myself. But also, what you see as "tough" might also reflect my awareness that my time is short. Sure, my medicine, exercise, all the good stuff, has impacted my AD, and I'm progressing slowly right now. But that could change, and probably will.

Oh, I'll go ahead and whimper a moment, and admit that the constant pain my neuropathy gives me, probably has an effect here and there. But despite any rumors you may have heard to the contrary, I don't use "big girl panties."

Your problem with spelling is familiar to me. Sometimes when people are talking, live or on tv, I get I guess the same effect, I can't understand what they're saying. These problems only happen when my brain is already tired. Luckily, the part of our brain that interprets language is separate from the part that supports our own speaking, so it doesn't all crash at once.

Is it "normal"? You bet. And more common than you realize, I think people are afraid to talk about the weird parts of dementia.

Sharon, I like your fantasy about scaring the neighbors! Maybe this Halloween, you could give it a go? Meanwhile, about what I expected to happen? With my family history, I assumed that I would have AD and/or vascular dementia, if I lived long enough. I just didn't anticipate being such an early bloomer, or is that wilt-er?

While I agree that you can't expect your neighbors to appreciate your need to scream, do you have to do it outside? Isn't there a big pillow somewhere, that you can scream into? Or, you could plow your face into a sofa cushion. There are songs I can sing that help me too, depending on the mood.

Bill, I'm about to give you a for-real secret. A powerful secret, that in the wrong hands could put a lot of psychotherapists out of business. So, are you ready? Here it is: We don't always have to work through problems. Surprisingly often, we can choose to change, and we just do it. No magic, no regrets, just start hiking down that road not taken and next thing you know . . . you realize you'd already outgrown the problem, you just had never thought it possible. I've seen it happen many times.

Alan

How did you become soo wise in your early age?
I appreciate everything you said to me and it does make a lot of sense!

You've helped me put some basic doubts and fears mostly, into perspective. For this, thank you.

M

Dear CR, Alan, Mary, Sharon et al,

I wish, I wish ... ....

I wish we could All be together in a wonderful, quiet, restful place just to talk, hang out and be together for a while!

I live in such a dream world! huh?

Lisa,
That sounds like a good idea. I wonder what we would all want to talk about? Thats like my support group, I'd want to talk about the things that you go through and let myself know I was not alone and be around others who really understand what this is like. This board helps me so much I am glad I found it.

Sharon

Getting together would be cool, but revealing. Like, I'm not so smart when I'm talking. Too much of the time nowadays, I can't hold my thoughts in my head long enough to get a good sentence out. But when I write, I'm better able to think my way through things.

I'm glad I can still type out things, given time, but it would be nice to be more conversational, y'know?

Hey,

I think We could work out about the conversational stuff. I know what you mean, guys and dolls, sometimes I have trouble putting thoughts together too. It's harder when speaking that when writing/typing. I have a lot more time to put things together.

But, I still wish we could all share some time together, face to face!

I Love you all!