Diane, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Blessings to your mom.
jan

DianeJ, I am so sorry your dear sweet Eva is not doing well. We are all thinking of you and know that you have so much support through us right here. We are all on the same ALZ lane and heading for the same crash and burn at the end, and it is such a comfort to me to know I will be held up by you wonderful people across the country who know more than any of my friends the heartache we go thru everyday with our LO"s. Your wonderful sweet mother is so lucky to have you by her side everyday and she knows inside that you have been there 150% for her every min. and we are here for you.
Hang in there..

Okay so we are gonna try another road trip aaahhhh.. I'm needing a release of pressure and tension..
I'll bring the baileys and ice, and how about some cosmos???.

I say no depends this trip, we are gonna depend on each other for laughs and I say lots of cocktails.

Hey We could head to New York and see the Sex and city Movie and get all decked out in our sexiest clothes haha (hiking shoes or rubber boots Kirsten are not allowed) and George can be our Mr. BIg, (Shirlee fanning herself again) as he keeps us all on the floor laughing everyday with his endless supply of laughs. Shirlee you can be in charge of the route to p/u every wacco and get them aboard the wacco road trip train... A train trip would be fun so we wouldn't have to select a designated driver..

ALLLLLL ABBBOOOAAARRDDDDDD no tickets required,

I'm gonna make a scrumcious app for the first leg of the trip.. Still have plenty of snow here to keep it on ice till the train rounds the bend. Im sure the cheese ball will last most of the trip.. I hear it is growing by the day. And Alaskan Salmon for dinner.. Hey we all get to dine on Chef Dani's wonderful creations..

Ahhh I need a nap just thinking about it... actually I did take a nap yesterday and I must of needed it cos I didn't even see it coming. but didn't sleep to well the night before. there is always something to think about and sometimes it just won't go away at night.. eeks I am getting sidetracked again...
Mil has been so content lately and I try not to think about what is ahead. I try so hard to help her keep her dignity and not make her feel like she can't handle her own life (which she thinks she can)She will wear the same cloths over and over and tell me that they arent dirty, I work so hard with the staff at NH to sneak into her room to go thru her things and take the soiled!!! stuff out of her drawers.. She is always insisting she can wash her cloths (dirty underwear) in the sink and then she hangs them up on the bed frame or closet handles... Then I have to sneak them out while they take her to another area and I just throw them all away because of all the "skid marks" she can't get out in the sink... everytime I go in there I act like I am washing my hands and I scrub the sink... I just buy her new undies all the time and replace trashed ones... thank goodness for walmart and cheap undies. I just think it is very important at this stage to help her keep her dignity as long as possible. She is at the stage where her dignity is still very important to her but she is in such another world as far as delusions...We just agree with everything and listen and love her...
I love that the staff is letting her dignity rain supreme right now ...Gee did I get sidetracked..

Hey anyone got a good joke about skid marks!!!!!

George.... Heres to a restful night sleep for you, I hope you know how much you are appreciated here...
Kirsten and Shirlee, Diane, dani and jan and hey Marge you started this whole cwazy wabbit wide.. and everyone else .. ON THE ROAD AGAIN...JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET ON THE ROAD AGAIN....

when you come thru CO I'' be the one on the side of the highway with my thumb out...

See yall soon, I feel like I just babbled on and on but hey I feel better and that's what it is all about!!!

Debbie

"Happy Birthday to Eva!"

Diane, My heart goes out to you! {{{{HUGS}}}}

The Turbo Beep, Beep was soooo funny, I was waiting for a punchline, but didn't expect that one! Reminded me of the song, "My Hotrod Lincoln' with the little Nash Rambler. Anyone else out there 'young at heart enough' to remember that too?

It's been a week and no call from the facility. I'm planning on seeing my parents next week. This week is just too difficult for me, as I've been moving things and driving too much which really has my neck & shoulder acting up. The other day I could hardly get out of bed. Then when I take the pain pills, they work, but I sure don't want to be driving on those. But I want to see my mom before she acts up again, so I'm not always rewarding her 'bad' behavior.

I think alot of her confusion was so many new faces, but the new management team is awesome. I've worked at and visited many facilities in SoCal and this is one of the best. Plus the new Activity manager used to work where my parents lived when they were more independent so she filled the staff in on their 'patterns'; although at that time it involved them walking to the local restaurant & bar (actually one of the reasons we chose the community) and Dad going to get 5 liter boxes of wine (almost daily) for my mother. But this just reminded my of why my mother is acting differently, I think she 'pickled' her brain a bit, plus the Alzheimers. It eases my guilt ...some! Oh, and they changed her caregiver..so maybe that's part of it!

For Kirsten...What is the STRONGEST letter in the alphabet?

P… Even Superman Can’t Hold It!!

Did you know that there is a company that makes & sells little statues from cow poop! Maybe there's some new venture out there that we WACCOs could come up with...????

Hope all have a better day!

Take go*d care, Shaye

Aw, DianeJ, I am so sorry for everything you have been through with your DM. You have done EVERYTHING possible to make her time as happy as you could. I know these last weeks have been especially tough, but know that you went above and beyond. She knows how much you love her.

We have a deck on the back of the house and had an under-cover installation of aluminum so water doesn't go through the deck to the patio below. Well, a squirrel has gotten in between the aluminum and the deck above it and cannot get out. I kept hearing this noise and would ask my family who was on the deck, and there was no one on the deck. The squirrel would be quiet, so they thought I was hearing things - or just starting to lose it. Yesterday I finally got someone to hear it - my greyhound! It is driving him nuts because he can hear and smell the squirrel but can't find it. Watching him run around and try to get it is hysterical. Now my family believes me.

Wait, they believed the dog but not me? I better check on this one!

I know!
My non-demented husband, has diabetes! For years I've been telling him about good foods to eat to lessen the effects.

One day he came home and he'd heard the same thing on the radio! So he finally believes me!?

I told him I was going to buy one of those kids radio microphoones so everything I said could be heard on the radio!

Have a better day!

Take go*d care, Shaye

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVA!!

Happy Birthday to Dear Eva. Thoughts, prayers and hugs to you Diane.
Peace,
Dani

I don't know if this one has been on before, but here goes...

Gambling Blonde: Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Southern Alabama arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice, and yelled, "Come on, baby ... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed ... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!

She hugged each of the dealers, then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbmfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know, I thought you were watching."
MORAL: Not all Southerners are stupid ...

Take care, Marge

George,How are things,this morning? You are usually here first......
Marge,our founder,had a fabulous Blonde joke,didn't she?

Later,
Shirlee

For all my fellow Caregivers:

"Sadness,fear,frustration or any troubling feeling cannot last. Nature doesn't create a storm that never ends."__Dr. Wayne Dyer


"A vision without a task is but a dream; a task without a vision is drudgery; a vision and a task are the hope of the world." __seen at a 17th century church in Sussex,England.


Someone told Garfield: "Never,never,ever,think outside the box!"

Love Ya'll,
Shirlee

Diane...I hope you found some peace; to everyone else, thanks for the outrageous humor.

************************************************

So, the waacos are finally on their first train ride together. Naturally, George was hungry, and just as he took a big bite out of the gigantic cheeseball, the train entered a tunnel.
Being the loving, caring guy he is, his first concern was for everyone else.
"Don't eat the cheese ball!" he shouted. "It'll make you blind!"
(He was secretly glad at least it wouldn't make him blonde)
Most of the waccos on the train were giving the conductor a hard time because of the poor service, the slow progress, the shoddy and inadequate accomodations, but especially because their own gourmet cook, Dani, wasn't allowed in the kitchen galley.
So finally the conductor asked Shirlee why she was the only one not complaining.
She explained, "I've got a free pass, but I'm considering getting off at the next stop and purchasing a ticket if things get any worse!"
Later, as the conductor was collecting passes, Kirsten was checking all her pockets and examining her purse looking for her pass. Finally one of the waccos said, "Why Kirsten, it's in your mouth."
"Oh, thank you," replied Kirsten.
After the conductor left, the wacco said, "I imagine you felt pretty embarassed looking everywhere for your ticket all that time."
"Not at all," said Kirsten. "I was chewing off the date, for this is from our earlier cancelled trip!"
Debbie was still upset because the train was not staying on time according to the timetable.
She asked the conductor, "Why do you even have timetables if you do not stick to them?"
The reply was, "Well, if not for the timetable schedules, how would you know you were late?"
The train was so slow, and one of the lady waccos complained to the conductor, "If we don't get to our destination soon, you're going to have to help me deliver my baby."
The condictor advised her, "Well, you shouldn't have gotten on this train in such condition."
She replied, "I didn't!"
Diane decided she wanted to get off near her home in Texas, and asked the conductor what time they would stop there.
The conductor explained there was no stop in Texas, but they could lower her out the door onto the platform.
She thought it was worth a try.
So, as the train appraoched the depot and slowed to fifty miles an hour, Diane was lowered to the platform. She had started running in mid-air, and as soon as her feet hit the platform, she was off and running. Her shoes were smoking, and she lost a heel, but she made it!!!
As she continued running at thirty miles an hour, all the waccos are cheering. And then, just as the last car passes, a hand reaches out, gets a hold on her, and pulls here into the train. "You're lucky," the helper says. "This train doesn't stop in Texas!"

AH,GEORGE,
YOU NEVER DISAPPOINT ME! TOO FUNNY!!!!!

As President of the WACCOS WRITER'S GUILD,I present this
Pulitzer to you,for your piece on "The Train." Rut-Ro,it's not a Pulitzer, it's a Bulletzer, for the many bullets dodged each day,as a Caregiver.

Take care,
Shirlee

Shirlee....MERCI BEACOUP!!!

DianeJ..I continue to hold thoughts of you and your family close to my heart. (((HUGS)))

George,the French,wheew!!!,I'm fanning......

Shirlee

A perky HI MARGE..ooppss a little decorum here..ahem..good morning Your Royal Highness of Waccos...perky good joke!!

OMG the train trip was a scream GeorgeK and Shirlee speaks for this endurance group..well done. A Bulletzer!!!! Wow..doesn't get any better than that now huh?...sneaky GeorgeK slipping into French cause he just knows what a French talkin man does to Shirlee ....fanning...fanning..

We actually made it over to the other house yesterday and two of my hubby's lifelong pals showed up. Frank, Roy, and hubby were sitting out back and remembering the good ole days..they were soooo patient with hubby's new language but for some reason it all fit and all three seemed to enjoy the visit. I came out and joined them and told them..boy it never stops does it? One is on chemo..one is recovering from heart surgery..one is speaking a new language and the BS never stops..you guys are amazing!! Good to see true friends enjoying their BS sessions STILL.

A WACCOS tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his Moped. "I've circled the block for twenty minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

When Georgek came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for twenty years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.

Remember fellow WACCOS: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Here's hoping you have as good a day as possible!!

another sleepless night....Oh well......


Some people think May 5th, Cinco de Mayo, is similiar to America's 4th of July, Independence day.. but it's not. This is the story of Cinco de Mayo......
Back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 cases of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after it's stop in New York City. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But, as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs on May 5th, and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

My MIL was reading the table of contents of her new HEALTH magazine the other day and got me laughing. One ariticle promised to help you rekindle your love life and she commented that she didn't have a love life. We'd have to find you a man for that, I offered, but she said she wouldn't do that even if she did have a man! Any strangers in her bed would be out of luck!

Jokes are great.. Marge southern blond joke had me on the floor. and George the train trip was hysterical.. Loved the part about the pregnant women..

Diane J, we are all thinking of you, Godbless you and your dear mother..

Kirsten I can just see your hubbie and his buddies hangin out, I'm glad they had a good time.

We moved my daughter all day sat. She finally found a place all to herself.. A 1 bedroom and she could have her dog.. YEAHHHHHHH .. She was really getting sick of the roommate thing...

Hope everyones weekend is going great.. it is beautiful here today and I spent the morning in the yard getting the hoses all set up... YEAHHHH SPRING HAS SPRUNG IN THE ROCKIES...

Debbie

Thank you all for your kind words about my blonde joke.
I have been so fortunate. My daughter Karen has Down Syndrome and autistic tendencies. When the neurologist said she now had Alzheimers,(June, 2005) it was quite a blow. Life was very hectic with lots of sobbing and yelling, people coming out of the TV, etc. Karen is 50 and her sister Susan (also Down Syndrome) is 49 but an absolute angel. It was hard for Susan to understand what was happening.

Then the MIRACLE happened. Her doctor prescribed ABILIFY and we took her off Zoloft. She has been on Abilify for 14 mos. and is a very sweet, loving child now. Everyone is amazed at the change. She also takes Namenda and Paxil.

Apparently Abilify is usually prescribed for bipolar folks, and the sheet that comes with the prescription lists a lot of side effects, but it is certainly making life a lot easier for us.

I keep thinking I should recommend it to everyone with a loved one with Alzheimers, but of course not everyone reacts the same, but for those of you whose loved ones are violent and so unhappy, you might ask your doctor.

And now for some light humor .... I was raised in Montreal, Canada and during WWII a lot of servicemen came thru there before they were shipped out to Europe. Many of them said they were taught one phrase in French. I asked what it was and they said "Voulez vous couchez avec mois?"

Answer comes tomorrow unless George translates it for you first.

Take care, Marge

Goodness Marge you have your hands full, and the love for your daughters shows so much.. I'm glad the abilify has made everyones life so much better..

Can't wait to read your answer. tomorrow...

Comon George I bet you can translate..

Debbie

[quote]Voulez vous couchez avec mois[/quote]
Would you lie with months?

I don't speak French. There was a song in the 70's with those lyrics, I understood it to mean something like:
"Would you please sleep with me?" And that's as far as I'm going with that!!!!!

***********************************************

A distinguished looking young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask you a favor"
"Of course. What may I do for you, my child?"
"Well," she explained, "I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Custom limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The offical asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so now he asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused!"
Roaring with laughter, the official said, Go ahead, Father."

***********************************************

During an ettiquette class, a teacher asked her young pupils, "If you were on a date - having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you had to go to the bathroom?"
Michael answered, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."
Peter answered, "I am really sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
The teacher observed, "That's better, but it's not very nice to say the word 'bathroom' at the dinner table."
Johnny answered, "My darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."


au revoir, mes amies

Yes,George,Rod Stewart sang that song.He was in town,recently.
Cute jokes! Hope you were able to sleep,last night.

Shirlee(fanning)

Good jokes everyone. George is there room for my Harley and me on that train???
Kirsten glad to hear your hubby and friends had a good time. That put a smile on my face.
Diane...How Are You??? And your dear mom????
jan

Thanks for your concern, I made SURE my wife was tired yesterday, and so we both slept soundly.
Actually, there were at least two songs with that phrase in them, the one I heard first was by Patti LaBelle, her line is,
"voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)?"
"Would you like to sleep with me (tonight)?"

Once again, au revior, mes amies, (Shirlee, I hope you have plenty of fans; I'm thinking about making that my signature)

Oh, by the way, I'm thinking about trying to continue the futher adventures of the disORIENTed EXPRESS, but I don't have the time today.

Au revoir, mes amies

Also, since we're talking about music, Shirlee, do you remember a song called "Let the good times roll?"
It was by a duo called Shirley and Lee.

Au revoir, mes amies

Can't wait for the adventures of the disORIENTed EXPRESS... Should be good times for all..I will bring the scrabble board. I love a fierce board game...

Hello Diane, your in my thoughts...

George you little french devil you...glad you got some rest.

MIL was in good form yesterday.. dissed my husband when he came to take her to dinner because she was playing Bingo.. and then refused to go to dinner in the dining room later because her son was taking her out. So they called him and he rushed back down there and took her out. She keeps us on our toes...

Everybody be good

Debbie

Okay this isn't a funny hahaha joke but I thought it was kinda true and wanted to share it...

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were
driving
in the right lane when suddenly a car
jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver
slammed
on his brakes, skidded, and missed
the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his
head
around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was
really
friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined
your
car and sent us to the hospital!'
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of
the
Garbage Truck.' He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.
They run
around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it
and !
sometimes they'll dump it on you
Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.
Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home,
or on
the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let
garbage
trucks take over their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.....

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Enjoy

Debbie

Mornin Folks...

I've said it before and I'll say it again..(we're all used to that right?) this thread is so rich. We are taking rides on the disORIENTed EXPRESS and now we're having French lessons headed our way...amazing!

I'm sure glad you got some sleep GeorgeK..we need you here too ya know. Too bad you don't speak French but ya better learn cause Shirlee has already orded a couple of cases of fans just in case..a case just in case..

No new adventures here on ALZ Lane just more of the same. My neighbors from hell did have a party though and I really need to thank them for giving all the little darlins those whistles. I kept hubby away from that side of the yard so he would not hang over the fence and interupt their good times but when those whistles were distributed..well let's just say payback is gonna happen when I leave this place. I know, me bad, should not be thinking this way but sometimes humor gets me through the day, sometimes evil thoughts work too.

Are we going to have tests and grades on our French lessons? Sure hope not..I'd flunk for sure..ya'll know how I can butcher the English language, can't spell anymore..and forget the punctuation..it's gone. My brain is so fried from this journey that I can only hope I can sign my own name when they commit me.

Diane, as always, thinking of you.

Have as good a day as possible and remember: If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip!

Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

KNOCK, KNOCK,
WHO'S THERE?
IVAN.
IVAN WHO?
IVAN WORKING ON THE RAIROAD JOKES!!!

Au revoir, mes amies

George,
Yes,I remember.I have a larege collection of (showing my age) record albums.....Now,they call them Vinyls.I have the Vinyl of Patti LaBelle and The Bluebells Greatest Hits,including "C'EST LaVIE."
My younger Son says I could make a fortune on E-Bay with my Woodstock,Beatles and Platters,alone.And 45's,I have hundreds.I was quite the "Teeny Bopper Fan",back in the day. LOL

C'est LaVie,Frenchie!

Shirlee

Oh,I forgot,
At one time, I think Ruthie brought up Wild Sockeye Salmon........
My Schwan's delivery man has Stuffed "Wild Caught",on his truck.
Schwan's.com......and they have this fabulous water melon ice cream
and the"seeds" are chocolate. Yum!!! Delivery works for tired Caregivers.Get a catalog.......

Shirlee

George, you won the prize for translating, but there was no "please" in there, just "Will you sleep with me?"

Now to test your Spanish: ... "Como esta frijoles cabrito?"

Translation tomorrow.

Take care, Marge

ok-I am on the WACCOS Express....you can come through El Paso & I'll be sitting there, thumb out (we DO HAVE A TRAIN STATION) a satchel full of "green chiles" in one hand, Putter (the dog) sitting with me waiting, and just enough clothes to get by for a day or so...no high maintenance shit.....my boots, my hat, jeans & one pair of shorts, some dried fruit & nuts, and a coke. Yep, I can live on that...proved it already....
When ya coming thru El Paso????? I'll be waiting. I'll bring my home made KEY LIME PIE. It's the real deal & it's good.
=5
Mom's stable now. Seems meds are kicked in, she's more lucid & stable, but God she's so not my Mom anymore. I've had weeks & weeks of Letting Go & Letting God, and it's ok.

Ortho Doc today told me arthrisits in neck. Between C5 & C6 & it's ausing alot of discomfort but will be ok. P/T 3 times a week for 4 weeks. That's fine.

/well, muscle relaxers & ice are working & I need sleep real bad.

Love you guys,
D

Diane, it's good to hear from you, I'm glad things are getting resolved some.
Marge, I put the "please" in there because I think it's important to be kind. I don't speak Spanish.
Translation: This is like beans and goat?

************************************************

A tour group stopped at the tower of London, and was given the chance to try on some of the ancient armor. Two men, one from Prague, and the other from Athens, did so. One donned a slightly damaged suit of plate armor, and the other chain-mail armament, while the rest of the group crowded around. But in the full suits, the onlookers couldn't tell them apart.
"Is that the Czech wearing the plate armor?" asked one tourist.
"No," replied another, "the Greek has the broken plate, and the Czech is in the mail."

Hey,Diane!
So glad your Mom is stable.Take care of YOU,Dear!
Key Lime Pie. Yum!!! Will you share your recipe?
I have one of those"Ritis Boys"in my neck,as well.Too many overhead
smashes.......

Hey,Kirsten!
I'm sure it warmed your heart to see your husband and his buddies,together again. It sure is the small things in life that touch us,isn't it? I had a happy mental picture of that meeting......with you
wistfully remembering the old days,before AD.

Well,I must go vote.I guess I'm getting cynical,in my old age,because I'm not too excited or interested in any of the candidates.At one time,I was very active and passionate........But 2008.......Talk about BS.........

Hope you all have some peace,today,

Shirlee

My boss just called to say her dad went to the hospital with a mini-stroke. While there, they did the mini-mental test and he failed miserably. She knew he was having problems, but didn't know how bad. Couldn't tell president - didn't care either. Couldn't tell year - didn't care about that either. All he knew of his wife was that she was "honey". Guess it was good at least he knew that much. Couldn't tell what his socks or watch were called. Guess we will be having a new member to our group soon to try to keep her sanity.

DianeJ, guess stable is the best you can hope for now. Glad you at least have gotten to that point. Prayers to you and your DM.

My daughter and I are on this goofy de-tox diet and are eating very few foods. We decided to have orange roughy last night but my DH doesn't like fish so I bought him shrimp I was going to steam. I have cooked these so many times I know the recipe without looking. It only calls for shrimp, vinegar, water and Old Bay. Got all the ingredients out but oops, cooked them without the Old Bay. HUH? He was such a good sport. Just used more cocktail sauce and gave me a hard time. Guess I have been around my DF too much lately.....

A few years ago my mother, who didn't have dementia, was in the hospital because of a fall. They asked her if she knew who the president was. Her answer - Yes, unfortunately!

Zen Sarcasms
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a women - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Walking down the street one day, a woman heard a voice yell, 'stop! If you take one more step, you will be killed. The woman stopped and seconds later a brick fell and landed in her path.

A minute later or two, she was ready to cross the street when the same voice bellowed 'halt! Don’t cross the street now'. An out-of-control beer truck soon screeched around the corner and didn't even slowdown as it ran the red light. Shaken, the woman asked out loud, "who are you?"
'I am your guardian angel' replied the voice. 'And I imagine you have some questions for me"

'You bet I do', the woman said. 'Where were you on my wedding day?'

I think this is appropriate for this thread....

How about some BABY BOOMER BLUES:

It was fun being a baby boomer... until now. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:


They include:
Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker..

Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?

Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Roberta Flack --- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now !

Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair.!

Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba --- Denture Queen !

Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore !

Leslie Gore --- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want Too!

And my favorite:

Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again !!

TRANSLATION:

Como esta frijoles cabrito --

frijoles = beans

cabrito = young goat (kid)

How you been kid??

George -- you almost had it. No more tests for now.

Take care, Marge

Another sleepless night..............

A pony walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, 'Speak up, I can't hear you."
The pony repeats, "May I have a beer, please."
The bartender asks, louder now, "What? Speak up! I can't hear you."
Again the pony asks for a beer.
The bartender tells the pony, "For the last time, speak up or you won't be served."
The pony responds, "I can't, I'm a little hoarse!"

NH has a new director and she wanted to take MIL on an outing, Mil was convinced that they wanted her to buy girlie clothes.. All she wears are denim elastic waist pants and scrub shirts with the big pockets (full of kleenex at all times) and she wasn't about to have any of it.. I kept telling her I am sure they just want to take you out and you can buy anything you want. She has no concept of money anymore..
Went by yesterday to see how the outing went and the staff were telling me, wait till you see what she bought, and they were all laughing... So I went into her room and saw nothing new.. asked her what she bought on her shopping trip and she of course said "what shopping trip"

We started searching her room and finally in a bottom drawer (she hides everything) we find a target bag and open it up and she starts crackin up hysterically. Inside was a frog and when you squeeze its foot it starts dancing and singing,rap music. She was laughing so hard, almost peed her pants and then wrapped it back up and put it back in the bottom drawer...

We were there about half hour and everytime we mentioned the shopping trip she wouldn't remember it and we would get the frog out again.. side splitting laughter everytime...

I think it's gonna be like christmas everyday for awhile... AHHHH the little things make my day...

Hope everyone is having a great day...

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs,she kept laughing and saying, "I don't THINK so."

Debbie B
That is hysterical. I was laughing out loud on that one. It is such great fun when they can get as much humor out of one as we can. And you will be able to get so much mileage out of this since she doesn't even remember it's there. Thanks for sharing.

Hey there fellow WACCOS! I've read all the posts & THANK YOU all for your well wishes, your thoughts & your prayers & also FOR THE LAUGHS!!! OMG the disORIENTed EXPRESS...I cannot wait...but hey, I forgot to mention the Harley...IT MUST GO WITH ME...I know, I know, I promised I'd be Low Maintenance...but hey...she's (her name is "Sadie") my shrink & I have to have her where ever I go. She only takes up a few feet of floor space...so I can ride her up onto the RR Car & then sleep next to her...I'll bring my own sleeping bag...no problemo.
I'd love to take blackie the cat along too, but he & Mr. Putter may get into too often....so that may not work. Will is feeling a bit forgotten, so I told him simply-BE READY. He's worse than any woman I know, including myself, about getting ready & out the door on time....Remember that comic in the newspaper "Family Circus"? The little boy, Billy, when asked to take the trash out ends up going up the tree, down the fence across into the neighbors yard, uses skateboard, etc. & 30 minutes later, makes it to the trash can on the other side of the house...well that's my hubby. Sunday morning, I say "will you pull my bike out of the garage with yours?" SURE HONEY, NO PROBLEMO....1/2 hour later I go out to get on bike thinking we're ready to roll as we needed to be to make it to Mass on time with Mom, and here he is, 40 gallon container of bird seed & sunflower seeds, going to all the feeders in our yard (front & back are 4 I think) filling them with seed....he's such a "caregiver" even though he doesn't realize it. He would not dare leave the birds go all day without food....

Well....now here's where we are with Mom. No Hospice yet, no Last rites yet....but, she's made a bit of a turn-around since changing of her medications. 1st, the injection of Risperderol, then the topical application of ABH 4 times a day, and the daily dose of Remeron under the tongue....plus she still gets her oral meds, if she'll take them, which includes ativan .5 mg 4 times a day AND lexapro for depression. ALOT of pshycotroptic drugs, but hey, it's helping, she feels little or no depression or agitation now, has stopped crying, fighting, kicking & slapping & no more cursing, so somethings working. AND, she's content! The past 3 days have been pretty good. She's taking megace again, which is giving her some appetite, and today she sat in a chair at the d/r table & ate a whole order of onion rings & a small shake from Wataburger. Yummy! I'm thinking that for Mothers Day, we may be able to sneak her out to Luby's where they have a devine pie (Key Lime, Moms favorite) & she & I can split an entree of fish with sweet potatoes. My MIL will probably want to go to another restaurant, but we're going to go there either this Sunday or the Sunday after Mothers Day as it is AWFUL to try to get seated on a Sunday.

SO....Mom's doing ok! She really is doing ok. I am so happy that she's done somewhat of a turnaround. I really thought for a few moments & days that I was going to lose her very soon...She is considered "end stages dementia/alzheimers" along with "failure to thrive" which is simply, "refusing to eat". And, she will remain in SNF the remainder of her life. She's in a good place, she now knows people that are there to help her. She goes out to the garden often & sits & watches the birds in the trees, which is good.

It's one day ata time. Today she ate & drank, she does have a silent UTI, but the antibiotics will be here tomorrow so I've given her cranberry extract pills for a couple days & it's not getting better, but not getting worse. she asks me for help with hygeine issues like brushing teeth & as soon as we get into bathroom with toothbrush & paste, she knows what to do. Today she said when I walked in "See these cute kids here (pointing to the nurses & CNA's behind the desk)...they are all taking care of me! She had a big smile on her face & seemed genuinely content. Then she had to show me her room, which she took me right to it.

For her birthday she got lots of cards...some funny ones, one with Johnny Depp (handsomest pirate going ya know...) and she loved it...something about rum, tying up behind he boat, and adding cake & I'm in...really cute & funny. The the hoops & yoyo one which had the happy birthday singing & it's a sream. So acouple were funny from me & my MIL...but the one from my husband....shows a geeky guy, real nerd....it says I'M SO HAPPY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY....(and in the card when opened it says) I COULD JUST FART! Well that one cracked her up, because she had gas today & I was faning her with the cards....

OK-eyes not open anymore. must sleep. Musle Relaxer is hitting...along with Celexbrex. Guess it's all working heh?
love Ya'll,