Just goes to show, IRG, you aren't as disorganized as you thought. You remembered to bring the most important things!

I guess we all have decided better to laugh than cry. This weekend we were watching AR- LSU basketball game on TV. We are huge Hog fans. Daddy did figure out that it was BB. I commented about one of the LSU guys having really big arms. My dad who now weights probably 110 lbs flexed his arm and said well what about these arms? I started laughing and as usual my mom had to have a little comment about well they are small arms and daddys reply- " Well at least I have arms!!!" Cracked me up.

We have a sun conure which is a small parrot (very bright colors of orange, yellow, and blue)and a couple of days ago he was on my shoulder while I was feeding mom in her bed. I asked her if she knew what he was and she replied "He's a chicken" I had to fight back my laughter. I just agreed and said, he's a small chicken isn't he?
My husband who teases me about getting rid of the bird now enjoys telling me that we should cook the chicken we own for dinner.
Ya just gotta laugh!

Last night I was helping my stepmom get ready for bed when she um... "passed gas" as I knelt to help her with her underwear. I looked up and she looked a bit embarassed when I told her "Hm... that was an upside down burp!". She thought for a moment then started giggling and said, "Yes, I suppose it was!".

We usually find a little something to make her smile just before bed.

Last Thursday, when my Dad got home from daycare, we were helping him out of his 'dancin' pants' - and into his play clothes.
My Dad wears a pouch around his neck that holds his i.d.s , money, his memory index cards - hasn't carried a wallet for a while. Well, guess what we found - a wallet, a pen and a tube of Mary Kay Cosemetics handcream in his pocket.
Mom kepted asking , Al, Al where did you get this? Of course he doesn't remember. We call the senior center to report it and they arrange for the bus to come back and pick it up.
Dad hears all of us talking and rushing about and says, Aren't I going to get a reward?
For what I ask?
I could have been an @ss and kept it, he says.

The hand cream was an actual given to him, the pen, who knows?

quote:

Yesterday: Sis calls to tell me she's locked in the house--mom has taken the keys--mom may have gone out at some point in time because her jacket was over the back of the couch instead of being hung up! Anyway, sis has been searching and searching for these keys (which by the way, she sleeps with ((another long story)). I suggest she look in mom's purse sitting next to the door and to call me back if she still can't find them--we'd think of something....She calls me back after finding said keys in HER purse! SHE NEVER PUTS THE KEYS IN HER PURSE! Oh well, mom knows that's where keys normally go

my mom is always looking for her keys.....she constantly hides them and then wonders why she can't find them when she is looking for them! One day we searched high and low and after an hour took a break and after another research of the place she had them in her BRA! Then she will say "I'm going to put them away in a safe spot....." and it resumes all over again .......

quote:

Originally posted by beachgrl:

quote:

Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
my son still does not want to talk about this.

Well, can you blame him?? He's only 47.
LOLOL~~~~~(ducking)

I'm gonna agree with the son.....I like to believe mom and dad only did it 3 times for all four kids.....(I'm a twin--otherwise I'd have to change the whole thing to four and I really can't go there.....
(also have to add that my daughters learning so much more about this subject than they ever cared to --- last week they were taught about all the diseases and such and proudly proclaimed to me that they will never have sex!!!! to which I said good...... please keep in mind that last year they were at a private Christian school and this year public and there is a HUGE difference in what is taught in health there vs. public..... And to think back in the dark ages of the 70's my biology lesson was learning how plants reproduced..........just plants.......

I would also like to thank all of you for showing the humor in this disease....I find the only time that I get angered at some of the names or whatnots is from those who don't care for mom. I was very offended when my sister in law took mom shopping only to complain that mom was "fruitier than a nut cake" that to me offended me (I was the only one out of the group) but then again this sister in law also thought that all you need to do to control mom's behavior was have her sign a contract....also thought that since we took the car away mom should adapt at taking public transportation.....since she really can't remember her address or phone number thought this would work really good.

But I do thank all of you for sharing your tales and showing compassion when you do it. even in the humor your love does speak. karen

Keys!

All of my life, Dad has collectd keys. No one was ever allowed to throw away a key. Old car keys, old house keys, it didn't matter what kind he just wanted them. From time to time, he was able to make over one for a lost key. He has at least three bread boxes full of these darn keys.

Now I am thinking. If anyone needs a set of keys to supply their LO with a set of keys to loose, I might be able to send you a nice little set.

Ok, so I have been reading this thread and just cracking up. I am not a full time caregiver like all of you, and my hat is off to you, you all are my idols! My father is in moderate stage...diagnosed 2 years ago. Mom has been taking care of him but she has fallen and has been in and out of the hospital, so I have been spending more time at home. They live 1 hour from me. My father has grown up with cars and that is what he is obsessed with now. He constantly sees people (always ladies) in his car, they apparently come up through the floor boards. When I was home my SUV got a few new roof racks. Dad: "Do you know guys are on your roof putting a new roof rack on" Me: "no I didn't know that" Dad:"well you will probably have to pay for it" Me: "is it a nicer one than the rack I had before?" Dad: "well sure is its new" Me:"well then its ok I don't mind since it is nicer"

We were at a picnic with a big group of people I just knew casually.

I saw this woman obviously looking for something. I asked her what. She said her sunglasses. She said the last time she saw them they were on our table.

I turned to look at Mom and there they were, perched on top of her head in a jaunty style!

Kat

All it takes is a CONTRACT? And then, what, consult an attorney when she fails to conduct herself accordingly?

Oh dear God. I don't know which is worse, Colleen's story or IRG's story, but either way, between the 2 of you, my laughing woke up the dog out of a sound sleep.

My mom, before AD, had to go in to have a colonoscopy. I went with her to drive her home. As we were driving, she sat silently in the passenger seat for a while. Then she blurted out, "I don't know what the doctor did while I was sleeping. I suppose he looked up my butt."

Just ... not something you expect to come out of a 70 year old woman's mouth.

love this thread!

Me too IRG!!!
I have been having a bad case of WHAT's IT ALL FOR and I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS ANY MORE lately.. and this thread sure helps drag me out of my Pity party (for 1).. even a little smile is better than nothing right?

Well, I am the Publix Queen. (It's a grocery store chain in the south).
Mom ALWAYS wants to go. Always thinks we need:

1. Vanilla ice cream. (We always have at least 2 containers on hand- GAWD FORBID we should run out)

2. bread- HER bread, that she's gotten for years, has "changed", is now "squishy", and we must find some that's NOT squishy. 4 loaves in the freezer as I write. She prefers the loaves with the "wood chips" in 'em

3. Dark chocolate- especially since she learned that it's good for you. We have 1 lb on hand now

4. Cans of:
baked beans (5)
tomatoes in various forms (had 14 at her house)
Lentil soup (4)
all hiding in the pantry

5. applesauce (3 unopened jars)
6. Swiss cheese (1 1/2 lbs in fridge already)

TP, of COURSE, etc. etc. etc. I can recite everything, down to the last lime for her tea.

We go there just about every day I'm off, ~4 days/week. And go thru the list each and every time...

Yesterday, when we pulled into the garage after our Daily Run, she smiled sweetly & said, "I just LOVE to go food shopping!!"
Me: "I'm finding that out, Mom!!"

And of course, I always find a FEW things that we could use... so my food budget is getting blown out of the water. Hell. I need this $$$ to go to Bermuda with, people!! (See "Queen Mother & Father Time" thread)

quote:

Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
All it takes is a CONTRACT? And then, what, consult an attorney when she fails to conduct herself accordingly?

yep!!! Thats what she said....(don't know what she says now since we don't communicate.... ) But yep all behavior can be controled ---- She is also the one who made the comment "I wish your mom would grow up and act her age..... ) Also keep in mind she is the one they(sibs) consult for information.......who knew!

Yesterday, when we pulled into the garage after our Daily Run, she smiled sweetly & said, "I just LOVE to go food shopping!!"
Me: "I'm finding that out, Mom!!"
Mom loves to go grocery shopping as well....I personally can think of ten better things to do than shop for groceries.....Mom also has that ice cream fettish.....when you take her out you need to top off the lunch with ice cream cone...(of course all the way home she will be calculating how many calories on in the ice cream cone and then saying--well this is all I'm eating today) After always ordering stawberry ice cream all those years when I picked her up her groceries I got told that she hated strawberry ice cream..came home infomred dauthers and they were shocked....She also bought some cheese in January told me to cut off a small piece and she would keep that so I got the big block --- now she is pondering where these cheese came from since she never would buy it---so she is now asking who has keys becasue she doesn't like people coming in her place when she isn't there to leave groceries....she can buy her own...(of course she doesn't drive and can barely walk accross a room......)

quote:

quote:
Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
All it takes is a CONTRACT? And then, what, consult an attorney when she fails to conduct herself accordingly?

So that is where I have been going wrong.. All I needed to do is get her to sign a contract.. OK I am so going in the other room and getting a crayon so she can sign it.. Yipee all my problems are solved!!!! Thanks SIL!!!!! Now I can just call her the next time I have to pick
BF"s Mom up off the floor!!!!!! Doing the little happy jigg now!!!!

My mom is also obsessed with dark chocolate. For years and years now. Any time I was tired or run down, a natural human response to a life such as mine, she would ask if I was getting enough chocolate. You gotta love it. She wouldn't ask if I was getting exercise, or a proper diet, or vitamins, or days off.. all things were solved by the application of chocolate, and yes, to the MAX once the "health benefits" were discovered.
And paper products. Toilet paper, paper towels, kleenex, paper plates ad cups, paper to write on.
Mom is now, or maybe "for now", not interested in grocery shopping, but she was a handful with it for a while.
Chewing gum is the bane of my existence. She "chain chews" it, I think there's a five-pack in her mouth right now; she wil, if left to her own devices, "save it for later" somewhere and it winds up getting stuck to someone's ass! I have to watch her with it.

Oh, of course. I get her to sign a "gum contract" and all will be well, because she'll "act her age". Oh, but what if some clause of the gum contract is a "sticky" point? That could gum up the process, giving us something to chew on.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
My mom is also obsessed with dark chocolate. For years and years now. Any time I was tired or run down, a natural human response to a life such as mine, she would ask if I was getting enough chocolate. You gotta love it. She wouldn't ask if I was getting exercise, or a proper diet, or vitamins, or days off.. all things were solved by the application of chocolate, and yes, to the MAX once the "health benefits" were discovered.
QUOTE]

I love it. 'Are you getting enough chocolate' is going to be my matra from now on!!
Peace
Eileen

quote:

Oh, of course. I get her to sign a "gum contract" and all will be well, because she'll "act her age". Oh, but what if some clause of the gum contract is a "sticky" point? That could gum up the process, giving us something to chew on.

Aren't you all glad now that I shared that "contract" thing! I think it is major breaking news on the forefront of this horrid disease---I guess we all had it wrong with being compassiate loving caregivers wactching out for our loved ones....just point to the contract! And to think my mom feels life begins and ends with her will---any time she is mad it is "can I change my will...." then you tell her "no" and she will look at you and ask "why"--- Keeping in mind that (according to her)she "only has a little bit" so why should any one know????
My mom always asks if you are taking vitimins-guess I'm glad she never new about the chocolate things--when I was pregnant got a serious dislike for chocolate and really never got the like of it back.....

Oh

I thought an Elder Law Attorney was just a very old attorney still practicing law. Now you are telling me that an Elder Law Attorney is one that draws up contracts for gum chewing and behaviors of the LO's.

Now I am going to need to spend the day calling all the attorneys back and telling them that I am looking for one that can write me a contract about the furnace controls. I just hate it when this happens, half of the time they just put me on hold and forget me. Sometimes we even get disconnected.

quote:

Originally posted by Vicki B:
Oh
Now I am going to need to spend the day calling all the attorneys back and telling them that I am looking for one that can write me a contract about the furnace controls. I just hate it when this happens, half of the time they just put me on hold and forget me. Sometimes we even get disconnected.

Just Google it, Vicki B. Surely there's a standard form out there somewhere!

quote:

Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
>>Oh, of course. I get her to sign a "gum contract" and all will be well, because she'll "act her age". Oh, but what if some clause of the gum contract is a "sticky" point? That could gum up the process, giving us something to chew on.

LOLOL- I didn't know you actually met my mother, the Queen of Corny Puns. LOL!

Yeah, a contract. That'll do it. **Smacking forehead** why didn't I think of that?? Hmmm... a contract for limitations on shopping at Publix...
BTW, do they need to be notarized?

quote:

Originally posted by Vicki B:
Oh

I thought an Elder Law Attorney was just a very old attorney still practicing law. Now you are telling me that an Elder Law Attorney is one that draws up contracts for gum chewing and behaviors of the LO's.

Now I am going to need to spend the day calling all the attorneys back and telling them that I am looking for one that can write me a contract about the furnace controls. >>

What a hoot, Vicki!! Yes, make sure you have the temps spelled out in detail. I'd go for Celsius as well as Fahrenheit. Why not throw in Kelvin, as well. You never know, and you need to cover all bases.

Maybe an Elder Law Attorney just practices the old laws?

quote:

Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
Maybe an Elder Law Attorney just practices the old laws?

OMG---- Keep it up, and I'll be giving YOU the Aricept.

My son does me in, tho. I came home from the store - Publix (chortle!) - with two boxes of his fave cereal, and I tell him it was on sale "buy one, get one"... he says "Well, I would HOPE that if you bought one you would get one". His delivery and timing are flawless, and I shall have to beat him soundly yet again. I keep telling him he has to stop, I'm exhausted from rendering the constant beatings.(I've poked him in the shoulder twice in his life, okay? I'm kidding aboutthe beatings!)

He says dumb things to bug me and I want to be mad at him but he's so damn funny, he can see me cracking a smile while I'm trying to chew him out. I can't keep a straight face, dammit.

quote:

He says dumb things to bug me and I want to be mad at him but he's so damn funny, he can see me cracking a smile while I'm trying to chew him out. I can't keep a straight face, dammit.

IRG, Now I know what my Mom must have gone through when I was a teenager (ummm heck I never grew out of it) and all along I just thought she was grinning because she like to beat me.... ha ha

My teenage daughter never stood a chance with me. I was to quick for her.. tee hee. When she was about 13 she came to me all serious and unsure, so we settled down to have a nice Mom/Daughter talk.. She looked at me with big deer int he headlight eyes and asked.. WAS I ADOPTED?
Now the child looks just like me (so I was wondering how she could be thinking that), but I didn't miss a beat and told her (heavy sigh inserted here).. Straight Face!!!

No but it's because they keep bringing you back to me...

I got a questioned look at first and then it dawned on her about 20 minutes later (after the conversationn had changed to something else), what I meant by my reply.. She didn't talk to me for a couple of hours.. tee hee

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
My son does me in, tho. I came home from the store - Publix (chortle!) - with two boxes of his fave cereal, and I tell him it was on sale "buy one, get one"... he says "Well, I would HOPE that if you bought one you would get one". His delivery and timing are flawless QUOTE]

I think the kid's got a future in stand-up comedy. That one-liner was preaty good.
Thanks for the smiles.
Eileen

IRG

Have you heard the saying about the apple not falling far from the tree? It sounds to me like your son has some of his Mom's sence of humor.

quote:

Originally posted by Denise E:
WAS I ADOPTED?
Now the child looks just like me (so I was wondering how she could be thinking that), but I didn't miss a beat and told her (heavy sigh inserted here).. Straight Face!!!

No but it's because they keep bringing you back to me...

I love that answer. And I am adopted.

Denise, wow, you can get one up on your kids? What's that like?

quote:

Originally posted by Incurable romantic's girl:
Denise, wow, you can get one up on your kids? What's that like?

It's pretty easy with her.. she is a true blond in every sense of the word...
But usualy I try to catch her on the days when it seems like she stopped at the gas station for an air refill... ha ha

I can't take all of the credit though.. my Dad was a prankster (still is) when I was growing up.. so it was either learn how to defend myself or fall for his jokes every time!!!!!!

I was smarter than my brothers.. tee hee It took them years to figure it out.. one still hasn't and he's in his 40's..

quote:

Originally posted by Serenity:

quote:

Originally posted by Denise E:
WAS I ADOPTED?
Now the child looks just like me (so I was wondering how she could be thinking that), but I didn't miss a beat and told her (heavy sigh inserted here).. Straight Face!!!

No but it's because they keep bringing you back to me...

I love that answer. And I am adopted.

Oh I know that one day I will pay for it.. ha ha She is an only child.. so when I get old and can't take care of myself.. the laugh will be on me.. I guess.. ha ha

It might be sooner than that. My daughter was a bit spacey and sometimes I could get some cracks in on her in her youth... damn, she is now one sharp cookie and I gotta watch myself!

And she fills me in on tihs stuff she's doing in college, and it all goes "whoooooosh" over my head, and I kinda start to whimper a little ("Please, make it stop") when she gets deeply into her latest Language Discovery... as in, this aspect of English grammar is different from how the Arabic grammer is constructed, and if we compare the Persian and the Spanish, and French way of expressing this thought we would put in the SemiPermanent Constipated Convoluted Regifted Present Tense (I may not be recalling that exactly right!) and she knows precisely what she's talking about...

and meanwhile she can go out with the girls to a bar, run into her ex and be sooo polite and cool while he's trying to impress her with what she's supposed tobe missing.

Too funny, he was out with a girl and tried to make my daughter jealous, and introduced them - and they hit it off, the girl was from England, and my daughter was planning a trip there, and the girl was saying "oh, luv, the guys in England will go bonkers for you, with your exotic looks and your American accent, you'll be beating them off with a stick" and her ex was standing right there. I love it.

So your girl, too, may well be running circles around you soon, with a little time to come into her own!

quote:

So your girl, too, may well be running circles around you soon, with a little time to come into her own!

IRG, she is 18 and living on her own.. 7 hours from me.. so I will gladly give her a chance to run rings around me, if she will just come to visit from time to time.. and leave her laundry in NW ARK when she comes.. tee hee...

My mom is questoning Global warming.....every time it comes on she ponders what it is and what they mean by talking about it. I tried to explain it yesterday but got nowhere. When I got home she called and asked again becuase she is thinking it is thermostat and if she is adjusting it wrong.....

one of my daughters friends has an issue with another friend that daughter hangs with and wants her to stop hanging out with him and this battle has been going on since last thurs--I have offered my opinion but my daughter hasn't listened yesterday she decided that her GF was right and looked at me and said "why didn't you tell me to stop haning out with him?" and I looked at her and said I did you didn't listen...... so hopefully today the friendship will be ammended.....

quote:

looked at me and said "why didn't you tell me to stop haning out with him?" and I looked at her and said I did you didn't listen......

Oh the joys of teenagers!!!!!!!
One of these days she will look at you and say Ya Know Mom you were right!!!!!!! I have my dancin shoes ready coz it's going to be a party when mine finally does that.. ha ha

perhaps we can borrow Eileen's dads dancin' pants when that happens......

quote:

Originally posted by riley:
perhaps we can borrow Eileen's dads dancin' pants when that happens......

hmmm wonder if he might be a size 3???????

quote:

. bread- HER bread, that she's gotten for years, has "changed", is now "squishy", and we must find some that's NOT squishy. 4 loaves in the freezer as I write. She prefers the loaves with the "wood chips" in 'em

I guess with wood chips that would qualify for the fiber aspect of her diet!


Also wanted to mention to Paper doll when my mom got a colonoscopy--she would not carry in the jug of stuff to drink---she didn't want the neighbors to see it! She has quite a lot she hides from the neighbors....becuase they are always just watching her little house!

Oh Denise.. you didn't happen to bring your dancin' shoes to Bermuda with you?

I could sure burn off some stress on the dance floor tonight after our chef-prepared dinners are eaten. And we all know you need to burn off those Tequila shots or you may be out of commission tomorrow with a major hangover.

quote:

Originally posted by riley:
Yesterday, when we pulled into the garage after our Daily Run, she smiled sweetly & said, "I just LOVE to go food shopping!!"
Me: "I'm finding that out, Mom!!"
Mom loves to go grocery shopping as well....I personally can think of ten better things to do than shop for groceries.....Mom also has that ice cream fettish.....when you take her out you need to top off the lunch with ice cream cone...(of course all the way home she will be calculating how many calories on in the ice cream cone and then saying--well this is all I'm eating today) After always ordering stawberry ice cream all those years when I picked her up her groceries I got told that she hated strawberry ice cream..came home infomred dauthers and they were shocked....She also bought some cheese in January told me to cut off a small piece and she would keep that so I got the big block --- now she is pondering where these cheese came from since she never would buy it---so she is now asking who has keys becasue she doesn't like people coming in her place when she isn't there to leave groceries....she can buy her own...(of course she doesn't drive and can barely walk accross a room......)

Riley,
Mom is the same way with Ice Cream. We have to make special trips just to get her a cone. I keep bannana popcycles also. I bet she eats 5-6 of those a day...then this is all I am going to eat today...and with bricks to hold her down she weighs 105...I had her up to 109 but she lost some the last two weeks. But she has to read every label and every ingredient in everything. When we get new scripts we thow all the info papers out first thing if she gets them, if she read them she would never take any of the pills. Loretta

quote:

Tequila shots

Serenity: don't drink anymore but remember Tequila shots quite well.....they can be brutal! Especially the next morning.....

quote:

When we get new scripts we thow all the info papers out first thing if she gets them, if she read them she would never take any of the pills. Loretta

This is so Hard!!!!

Loretta: it is hard! Comming to this site and reading is a form of escape---between this one and QM & FT I find them both very amusing.
But mom is the same way about those sheets of paper--she always wants to know what the name of medication is and this and that so she can "look it up" and we all know that means look it up and throw it out.....She always goes on and on about her theory that they don't test drugs good enough (that is the explanation as to all those negative things they caution about) yet tell her about a vitamin~~~ I remember when they were initially running all the tests to rule out things for the memory loss & one of the standard test is for sypillis---I saw that and knew that mom would really flip out for that test! Luckily she didn't notice it but that alone would have set off something......

Gran has some great quotes I'd thought I would share:
"My cats have the runs" when they're running around the house.
"We need to take this cat back to the vet and get him neutered again...they're growing back"

quote:

Originally posted by Serenity:
Oh Denise.. you didn't happen to bring your dancin' shoes to Bermuda with you?

I could sure burn off some stress on the dance floor tonight after our chef-prepared dinners are eaten. And we all know you need to burn off those Tequila shots or you may be out of commission tomorrow with a major hangover.

Shoes????? ummm got sand in them.. dance better with bare feet especially after tequila shots.. Hang Over??? I thought the sun was suppose to bake out any alcohol!!!!!! of gee now you tell me.. ha ha *hick* ooops excuse me...

quote:

Originally posted by Blessed in Cal:
Gran has some great quotes I'd thought I would share:
"My cats have the runs" when they're running around the house.
"We need to take this cat back to the vet and get him neutered again...they're growing back"

Ha Ha Blessed.. too funny.