I went to visit my mother today at her ALF. She's only been there for two weeks. My sister and I knew before going there that she was getting deeper and deeper into her AD, but we thought she could have a couple of years of some good quality life. We chose this home because we loved the Alzheimer's part of the ALF and we knew that eventually she would be going there. I wasn't expecting to hear today that she will most likely be moved there as soon as there is an opening.

The other residents in the ALF can have real conversations, get involved with activities, etc... They are quite independent. My mother really can't be that way anymore. Her conversations are gibberish, she will get involved with some things for only two minutes, then get up and leave. She is also quite inappropriate at times. Today they were having a BBQ for the residents. Both parts of the ALF are involved in parties together. I realize that some of the people in the Alzheimer's part are even more "with it" than my mother. I do agree that she will be better off in the AD part where they really cater to people with the disease, but the reality hit me like a brick. I cried the whole way home on the bus. I got lots of stares, but I just didn't care.

It is hard to see and I know it is a shock. My mother declined very quickly after she was placed. But I didn't have anything to compare her with and likely, neither did you, so she was your version of "normal".

At least she's in a place where they can continue to care for her and you don't have to move her. And the activities and therapies can be more directed to her interests and abilities.

It's just a new chapter. You have to just roll with it. It's hard. I'm sorry for you.

My mom decline very quickly when my brother took her from her home last year during Memorial weekend and then declined alot more when placed in an ACF in Oct 2008.

MarjK,

I only post occasionally but read every day. I am not nearly as eloquent or knowledgeable as many others who post but your message caught my eye.

I moved my Mom last saturday to the Memory Care Unit at her facility. The difference was that she was placed in the Assisted Living area two and a half years ago. I absolutely believe it was past time for her to move and it was the correct decision. She is a good solid stage 6. But it was still difficult and emotional--for me. She just thought she was going to "Advanced Rehab" --she has been in the rehab unit at the facility since a fall on Mothers Day.

Sometimes placement is not an exact science...sometimes the LO can cover really well (as has been the subject of many posts) and sometimes we, the family, maybe think they are not as advanced as they are (also the subject of many posts). No one knows until the LO is in the facility--interacting with the other residents, or not, being out of their comfort zone.

I understand how you feel and I hope it all works out for her to be where she will be best taken care of. That is what is most important.

Peppermint -- your comments were right on target.

I also think we tend to focus on the good days, comments, etc....thinking they outweight the other signs that all is not as it should be. We want to believe our LO is not as far along as they are.

Marjk,

I know how those times can hit so hard, the reality of how our LO's are progressing. Peppermint Patti and Always Learning More both expressed it so well, we just want to see the best and tend to put aside the negative observances. My heart goes out to you. You will get through this.

Thanks guys for your support. I guess in my heart I knew that she was further advanced than I was willing to admit. Believe it or not, she is actually doing better in the ALF than she was doing at home, which probably says a lot. I just can't believe this is really happening and I'm so not ready for it. I want to wake up tomorrow and have my mother back. I am terrified for her future, and how long we have before she deteriorates any further. Today she told me that she wants my father to come pick her up in his car and take her home. My father passed away 12 years ago and she sold that home 11 years ago. I don't know what home she was talking about, but I didn't argue and I didn't ask.

Marj-
I undertand about your mom being further advanced than you thought she was. Sometimes I think our hearts might blind us to what we don't want to see. At least, I have found that to be true. I've kept a journal since early 2004 about my mom, and as I look back at it, I am shocked to see she was further along in the disease than I thought at the time. And though I know she won't get better, some little part of me always hopes that's not true.

But her urinary incontinence is happening more frequently, she must be fed because she won't eat more than one bite on her own, and now she no longer knows what the toothbrush is for.
Sigh. God help all of our loved ones, and us too.

I'm really sorry for you,,I understand how your'e feeling.

I do hope that you've "toured" the AD unit where your Mom now resides. I also hope that fun stimulating activities are available,,,daily.

I hope that your Mom will adjust quickly to her "new room".

Best wishes to you and your Mom,,in a sad situation .....Please keep us updated. Peace