Up until two months ago my mom was living alone (but not very independently, although she refused help on many occasions). She finally went over the edge behaviorally and fell into the hands of social services. During the past two months she was in a locked mental health facility, a very nice assisted care facility, back to a locked mh facility after she eloped and is now in her second assisted care facility in the community in which I live.

She wants to see me but I DREAD it. I would say she is probably a stage 4 or 5. In very short order she is asking me to take her out, etc. I would love to but fear elopment (her episode entailed the police taking her to the locked unit in handcuffs).

Any ideas would be very much appreciated. Especially "exit strategies". P.S. My mother is no sweet compliant little old lady.

Forgive my ignorance but when you say "eloped" do you mean as in married? Or did she escape.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of advice for you but wanted to welcome you to this forum. Many people here are much wiser than I am but I would suggest making the exit as quick as possible once you determine it is time to leave. Long goodbyes provide them with the opportunity to guilt you into staying longer or actually cling to you physically. Say "I have to go now. I'll come back (insert date). I love you". And then leave. Even if she's still speaking. Just go.

And I certainly understand about your mom not being sweet or complaint. My MIL is neither of those things, though she has some people fooled, and she is little.

She escaped - this is the term they use for it here. Apparently escaped has some not pc connotations.

In fact she did physically cling to me once and had to be restrained at the door. Yuk

As far as exit strategies go, I usually try to time my visits so that they end at either lunch time or dinner time. There are more staff around and they help get everybody to the tables and that seems to distract her and I can leave without her trying to go with me. I've never had to deal with the clinging, though, and my mom has always been motivated by food. So I know that won't work for everybody.

Wishing you lots of luck.

There are two excuses that my mom accepts for why I have to leave. One is going back to work, and the other is cooking dinner so certain social restraints still hold with my mom. I also always assure her that she will be going home soon, as soon as the repairs on her house are done. The other thing that I do that seems to help is tell her as I am leaving how much I enjoyed visiting her. I think that telling her this does help her behave well because she does want me to enjoy visiting her. Other people have described visiting so that the end of the visit conincides with a meal which serves as a necessary distraction.