Hi. Sorry. It's me, "theinlaw" - since they changed the log in procedure or whatever, I can't figure out how to access that name, so I had to just start froms scratch. Sorry for confusion.

I started a new job, 9-5 three days/week. I have not worked 9-5 since 1987 so this is a big adjustment for me. My parents are already in a panic because if I hve a job, who is going to drive them to all these 7 am doctor appointments they keep making! (Hint: a taxi, a friend, YOURSELVES!). My youngest just got his drivers license and a car and graduated from high school and we went to college orientation already, so though I was too through with high school and though I couldn't wait for him to graduate, now it's hitting me that this is the end of an era in my/our lives. Plus my older one is thinking (again) of changing majors. I have out-of-state-family coming to visit and stay with us next month... so things are a little unsettled.

Add to this that the ALF won't talk to my sister-in-law (because she's too ditzy) and does not like to talk to my husband (he's hardly ever home from work and even if he answers the phone, he deferrs to my judgement in all matters concerning his mother...)

SIL is being a big crybaby again. Whining to her brother that I "never" call her.

Well, so all this is hitting the fan and I spent 4th of July balancing my MIL's checking account, writing out her checks for the month, summarizing her yearly income/spending (for my records, the year for her begins in April-March)... as my husband was sitting on the computer (for fun, not for work). He was very busy typing emails to his friends about their next boat trip... and I said, "I need you to sign this check." (He and ditz are POA on the mother's account.) Wait. Wait. Wait. He's still typing. So I repeated, "I need you to sign this check." And he explodes! He's trying to do something and I'm interrupting him!! WTF?! Now, I know that he still has his anger/unresolved issues over everything that went on w/ his parents, and the last time he visited his mother she had absolutely no idea who he was, so when we went for our six-month conference a couple of weeks ago, after we finished with the care manager, I started heading for my the ALZ wing, and my husband said no, he wasn't visiting "what's the point? She doesn't know who I am anyway." and we left. -- so I guess he feels guilty for not visiting her, and angry because of the WHOLE situation, and probably worried that it could happen to him in 20 years... but enough already. So when he exploded that he was "doing something" I exploded right back and said "I'm not asking you to stop what you're doing and drive me to the beauty parlor or to the jewelry store to do something FOR ME. I want you to sign this check for the drug store to PAY FOR YOUR MOTHER'S DAMN DIAPERS!!!!!!!!!!"

Oh boy.

But come on!

And I admit I am undiagnosed OCD or ADD or something, or maybe just a control freak... but MIL has a finite amount of money and I'm going to make damn sure it's managed properly and lasts as long as possible, and there are impecibble records as to where/why it's spent - because when the time comes, I'm not going to deal with any crap from Medicaid, and I'm certainly not going to "chip in" for her needs during anytime that Medicaid would deem a penalty... so I manage the money. My 50-yo SIL had to borrow money from her parents a few years ago because she got herself into trouble with credit cards - a debt I told my husband "to forgive" when the estate was settled, because let's be reasonable - she does not live within her means and there was no way on earth that money was going to be repaid, so why even dream about it? So now because of my own traits, I'm in control of the finances - and I'm good at it and mostly don't mind it - but SIGN THE DAMN CHECK!

Well, I had to dump all this on someone - and my friends, good as they are, are do not livein ALZ LAND so they don't really understand "this" - so thanks to anyone who listened.

And sorry I only write here when I'm ready to explode over something.

Let it out sister! You have a right to vent. I love my hubby, but he too likes to spend time on the computer while I am doing the unfun stuff. It seems like you are the only level headed person among the bunch. At least I am dealing with my own mother. It must be tough having to do all this for inlaws. Now don't get me wrong, my hubby does pick up the slack in important ways, like taking mom for her cataract surgery. But I have to direct him in just about everything. Take solice in knowing that you have a good head on your shoulders. Your MIL should thank God she has one stable head in the family. My hat is off to you. Keep up the good work! I myself am thinking of investing in a cattle prod! Fran

junecleaver--
I'm rather surprised you didn't SMACK your hubby upside his head as well as yelling at him . There is no way I would have ever taken care of my MIL; she didn't like me one bit. Your MIL and the rest of her family are lucky that you're willing to assume this not-fun task. I'm sorry you're in the middle of all this emotional frenzy . I'm glad you're comfortable venting on this forum!

Welcome back "June Cleaver" !! I must say,,,the name suits you to a tee! Why dont' you simply have a talk with your useless hubby about you being the POA for your inlaws???

Seems the most logical thing to me,,,and if he and that ditzy sister object,,well as I told you before,,just step away and dump it all on them to handle.

I'm glad you got a job,,,it will get you out of the house,,something challenging to learn,,and make your husband realize that its not all about him.

Tell the college kid that keeps changing his mind about what his major is going to be,,to grow up ,,,time is runningout .

Yes,,now that you are entering a new phase in your life,,where the kids are raised and both off to college,,its time for your hubby to grow up. And tell hubby if he gets to be like his parents,,you'll be moving him in with them!!


Oh boy,,,will he ever get hot about that. But,,look him square in the eye and tell him that y ou are'nt going to continue to constantly be his saving grace for everything. And then do it!~!!!

Oh,,and if family is coming to visit from out of town,,and its not convenient for you ,,,then tell them so. Try to give them a date when it would be convenient,,,and if you dont' have the time to bust butt cleaning the house,,taking care of the "outlaws" and your childhusband,,,tell the visting relatives you will be happy to book rooms or a suite for them at a local hotel.

Just stop getting yourself in deeper and deeper,,,its your time now to do things that you've always wanted to do,,but couldn't,,,,its time to make your husband and SIL do for their own parents. Sink or swim,,,its up to them.

I think your husband again,,needs another reality check,,and you need to give it to him!!

I'm glad your'e back,,,I've missed your posts. There is another "inlaw" that posted a couple of weeks ago,,,I thought it was you,,,but its not,,and she hasn't been back to post since that one time. She has a horrible situation and I hope she is ok.

Now,,go and take a nice long soak,,favorite beverage and book in hand,,,play your favorite tunes,,lock the bathroom door,,and make the world go away! Peace

I hear ya, Inlaw.
I am an inlaw, too. SIL has MIL, and things are going on that I think he should address, but HE thinks he can deal with all of it after Mom is gone. NEWS FLASH!! I really don't want to deal with SIL and her psychoses, insinuations, etc. PLUS, isn't "someone' going to ask why he didn't address issues sooner??? Is it because they are men, sons, or husbands???

Thanks, ladies. And, Raven, I love you!

The out-of-state family coming, however is my family (cousins), and Thank God they don't care if my house is clean or not, they're just happy to be coming to visit, and I'm happy to have them... they're the type that, if they're not going anywhere on a daytrip on a day I'm out at work, she'll do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom and have dinner waiting for me when I get home and a chilled bottle of wine... or take us out to dinner, their treat. But I want to be left alone TO BE happy to enjoy their visit, if you know what I mean? I don't want any in-law stress... I want a week that's not "about" the inalws. They monopolize too much time. This upcoming visit is for my pleasure, not just another chore, and I don't want the damn inlaws infringing.

Well hubby hubby hubby. He's a royal PITA half the time. He was really facing up to facts and dealing... until his mother ceased to recognize him, then it was pity party all over again. And the ditz a/k/a princess... well, it's ALWAYS all about her.

Yes, June has left the building! And got myself a job. And I'm enjoying it!! Got my first paycheck last Thursday.

And, I have a friend who says my younger one (under age 18) can stay with her (and we'll leave the 21 yo home by himself) and we're going to have a weekend at the Jersey shore soon - just me and Himself. And again, a weekend at the Poconos in the fall.

I have thought about it a lot, and as sad as it is, if he doesn't want to go see his mother, there's nothing I can do about it. I'm way too busy with my parents, and now with working, I don't have time... so I'm giving myself permission that non-visits are not my fault/problem/concern!

My MIL never had time for me all those years when my kids were babies - couldn't babysit, never dropped off a meal "just because" - none of the stuff that my mother did for me.... and she did not work outside of her home EVER. Her time was always her own to selfishly pursue whatever she wanted to do - and the sun rose and set on her daughter a/k/a ditzy princess. Himself was always her "other" kid if you KWIM? I guess it's a matter of what goes around, comes around.

I will still do the finances though. Because as I said, ditz will go through the money and then who's gonna pay? NOT ME :-)

Waaaay better day today. Boys did yard work, Himself did the grocery shopping. I'm finishing up laundry and want to spend the afternoon in the pool, reading a book... and if it rains, on the porch with my book.

Sorry to be such a kvetch. Writing on here is like some kind of therapy.

I wish none of us needed to, but it's so great we all have a place to.

Have a great rest of the weekend, all.

Sounds like you're rambunctious and have lots of energy, June. That's a plus. Even if you flip out occasionally. --Jim

June, you got a new job but you never resigned for your old one...then one where you are the doormat for your husband and his sister.

Tell them you are done and mean it. Stop paying bills. If husband wants his mother's bills paid, he and his sister will have to figure a way to get it accomplished.

Just HAVE to throw in my two-cents' worth and say tell Wally and the Beav to get a clue and grow up!! Then go to the beauty parlor AND the jewelry store and do something nice for yourself...hee hee!!

What I'd give for a weekend in Cape May...but I digress!!!Wondering if I can even go visit my mom in IL end of this month. I feel your pain. I came home from work to the poop wall. I about gagged. I see all my little kiddies holding their noses while sitting on the floor watching tv. My DH is laying on the couch and waves to me and he motions that his GM needs a shower. NOOOO!!! You think so?!?!?! Way to be Sherlock. Then I notice all the little poop spots on my new carpet and poop splashes on my new kit floor. I became the girl in the exorcist. Though I held my tongue. I got her in the shower cleaned the bathroom while she was sitting in the shower. Why do I bother putting rug mats in the bathroom-they just end up being targets. As long as they are not on the floor all is well with my bathroom...So I know about husbands...though he is a great cook. I told him to make me a stiff drink. It took 2 hours to get things cleaned up and I was p.o. So tell the guys to pitch in or make them give you full control; and then hire someone to come in and clean your home-make the kids do laundry, give them some chores. I figure they are still there they can pitch in. Tell your hubby you can either be nice about handing over the rights to POA or you can have a lawyer revoke it. That might stir things up a bit to have him pitch in more. But-I wish you well whatever route you take and enjoy any time off you can-it's priceless.