I know this topic has been covered before but I thought I'd ask about it anyway, as it has become an issue now with my MIL.
This is a woman who has always thoroughly sponge bathed herself from head to toe every single night before getting her nightclothes on, and again in the morning. Now she doesn't wash at all, and my FIL is having a hard time getting her to do so. He will ask her if she wants to have a bath now or after a show, etc, and she'll ignore him. Or she'll just outright say she's not having one. The other night she said she would have one, but once he got the bath all ready for her, she was back to saying she wasn't having one. And once she makes up her mind, there's just no talking to her.
Anyone dealing with this right now? Any suggestions? She is going over a week without washing and I don't think this is a healthy thing. Thanks......(Btw, this forum is the best I have found, there is so much information and I feel for every one of you and my heart goes out to you)

Sneak attacks with wet wipes?

Mom's issue was that she was scared of the hot water. It took a while to get her used tothe idea of letting me bathe her, but at least she wasn't hostile to the idea.

I bet you'll get plenty of good ideas here. TB, where are you?

- Try to be consistent with the person's old bathing routine before the onset of illness.

- Provide adequate lighting in bathroom, especially during evening hours.

- Try bathing instructions written by a doctor on a prescription pad. For example: "Bathe 2 or 3 times weekly."

- Lay out soap, washcloth, towel and clean clothes in sequence so that the person with dementia won't have to wait.

- Use a quiet, calm, matter-of-fact approach. For example: "Mother, your bath water is ready."

- Simplify the task of bathing as much as possible. Do one step at a time, gently talking the person through each step. Combine visual and verbal cues when giving instructions.

- Try giving the person with dementia a washcloth to hold or something to fiddle with for distraction while bathing.

- Play soft music in the background to create a calm, relaxing atmosphere.

- Try not to get nervous, excited, or threatening to the person who objects to taking a bath. This only causes additional agitation and frustration. It may be helpful to wait and try again later when the person's mood is more favorable.

- Try using liquid soap and a large sponge for easier bathing.

- Encourage a bath instead of a shower if a person can get in and out of the tub. Baths are generally safer, less frightening, and easier for the caregiver to manage.

- Avoid getting into lengthy discussions about whether a bath is needed. Instead, tell the person one step at a time what to do to get ready for the bath.

- Wrap a towel around the shoulders of the person sitting in the tub and fasten with a clothespin if he/she is embarrassed about being undressed. It is important to respect the person's privacy and dignity.

- A hand-held spray attachment on a flexible hose can convert a tub into a shower. The attachment can be helpful for rinsing the person thoroughly and makes washing hair much easier.

I agree with IRG..

Sneak attachs.. wet wipes do wonders at night and then sponge bath in the morning (before getting dressed).. real head to toe shampoo hair and shower 2 times a week.. whether she wants it or not.. I don't even give her an option.. just take her in the bath and start cleaning her up.. she tells me to stop or cries about being cold.. (even when it is sauna conditions in bathroom)..

I tell her I will stop once I get her dressed and she will be warmer then as well.. but until she gets cleaned up.. no clothes goes on..

Her sense of smell might be gone, but ours isn't so I will not let her sit around and stink.. that is the one thing I don't not give her an option over.. no matter how mad she gets or how much of a fit she throws. The more she fights the longer it takes.. Most days she catches on to the fact that if she will stop arguing and stop fighting a sponge bath or shower.. the quicker she can get her clothes on..

I'd try the "try it, you'll like it approach." Even if that means a little yelling and screaming from a reluctant participant. I'm going on the assumption that a warm bath or shower is comforting, relaxing. Maybe forcing the issue makes you the bad guy or gal. For a while. But some things you gotta do. You gotta stay reasonably clean. Even if you've got Alzheimer's and can't make some decisions for yourself. One sometimes needs gentle to strong guidance or coaxing. Whatever it takes. --Jim

Mother will go in spurts about bathing,,,sometimes she will take a shower once a week,,sometimes it might be 3 weeks,,and then I say something to her.

She may give me crap about it,,but when I can smell her hair when she comes in the room,,,I dont' give a damn if she likes it or not,,,I'll go and get out the towel and washcloth,,and turn on the shower and tell to have at it.

But I do sort of bribe her with going out to lunch or something first,,to make it more appealing to her! Hey,,ya gotta do whatever works!

Mom gets a bath normally about twice a week. Tues and Sat. I usually just say mom come on you need a bath. If I give her the option of now or later she tries to put it off. Sometimes she goes without a problem sometimes she wants to argue. That is when I say "your bath is ready its warm. I have the room warm for you too. I will rub your back and wash your hair and it will feel soooo good. We really need to do this." (I try to remind her how good it will feel to have her back rubbed because she has a lot of backaches)Sometimes more convincing is needed sometimes it works right away. When she balks to much or really is stuborn I just wait an hour and try again . Sometimes it might be the next day. Good luck cause they can be stuborn.

She has said often "I just took one".... Sure Mom sure!

For my mom, I try to always make sure there is plenty of time to shower. As TB says, if it is a rushed thing, it will only add to their- and your- stress.

I try to get her in for a complete shower & hairwashing at least once a week, & she still gives herself a "catwash" every morning.

If she gives me a hard time, I remind her that her cellulitis could return. If I'm lucky, she will agree. If not, I may have to do some cajoling. I find that giving plenty of notice is very helpful, as well as making it sound like an option: "Do you want to shower now, or after breakfast?"

Bear in mind though, that my mom is still in the early-mid stages, so if your mother is further along in her dementia, as the others here have already attested, giving her a choice might backfire on you!

Lots of good advice here. I would say that from my perspective, what your FiL is doing wrong in all this is offering her a choice (though we're pretty much trained that this is how you deal with other adults). Dementia diminishes the patient's ability to use sound judgement. All those things you and I do out of necessity (ie personal hygiene), aren't as necessary in a dementia patient's eyes. It's more like dealing with a child than it is dealing with an adult.

I am having a similar problem with my Mother and am a loss of how to approach the situation. Mother is a spastic-paraplegic w/AD and has to use a wheelchair for the most part. She has almost no control over her bladder and therefore has "accidents" numerous times a day. She uses the Poise pads but refuses to change them until they are saturated and doesn't feel it will do any good to change her clothes as well. She bathes only once per week and feels that since she isn't able to get around and do anything that "I don't get dirty"! I even had her doctor speak to her about her personal hygiene, explaining that it was unhealthy and that it does cause odors, etc. to no avail and I am at wits end. I am new to this site, just joined today, but hope that through it I can find some insight into the many problems I am having with Mother at the moment.

I have basically given up on this front. My mother will not wash her hair or take a bath on a regular basis. There are so many other battles, that I just can't face this one too. I have a 24/7 live-in for her, so I do not live with her. I wished I could follow the advice of other people on this topic, but my mother has both Alzheimer's (early stage but she presents much better than she is) and alchoholism, and has a tremendous amount of anger in her. I just can't see myself cajoling her into the bathtub. let her stink!

Here is a post I wore last March- it continued to work with my mom up until the day she ended up in bed and could no longer get up to bathe. At that point, Hospice came in every day to bathe her. I just couldn't handle her being so so lost and smelling bad as well...
If I ever have AD, I hope someone loves me enough to gently and lovingly help me be clean:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Posted March 23, 2006 10:29 AM Hide Post
Hi Shannon- I do understand!
We have two difficulties- getting over OUR up-bringing as to how to treat a grown-up, and then dealing with someone who is struggling with a disease that takes away all your self-reliance.
Pretend she is your child, be gentle and sweet and natural, and help her keep her dignity.
========================
Here is a previous post:
I had the same problem with my Mom- the bathing. She did not want to bathe or change and frankly, i don't know if it bothered anyone else, but it bothered me. A lot.
Then I realized she was not really refusing, I was just having a hard time telling her to do it because she is my Mom. And I had never done that. So one day I went in her room and said "today is Saturday, tomorrow we are going to church, so you need to go ahead and shower. I have the water running so it will be warm." I looked through her drawers and picked out clean underwear, went to the closet and picked two robes and said "Which one of these would you rather wear?" She said "The blue one" I said, calmy and firmly, "Ok, mommy let's go before we lose all the hot water."
She said " I don't want to do it right now."
I said, sweetly, " I know- but tomorrow is Sunday and I want you pretty and clean for church. Come on, water's on"
Walked her to the bathroom.
Helped her undress.
Helped her in the shower.
Handed her soap.
shampoo.
Turned off the water, gave her a big towel and helped her get dressed.

We have been doing it that way 2-3 times a week ever since.

Afterwards she says she feels so good, I help with her hair and put lotion on her legs.

Every time I say "It's time for your shower" She gets grumpy. I'm gentle and kind BUT firm and she just does it.

I don't know...might this work?
Biggest thing I had to get past is telling my own Mom when to bathe.When I do it as a normal thing, she just does it.

Thank you to all who have replied...i see there are many ways to deal with this, it obviously just depends on the stage of illness and our LO's state of mind at the time. One technique may work one night then not the next. I liked Jim Broede's line, "whatever it takes"

quote:

Originally posted by Twice Blessed:
- Try to be consistent with the person's old bathing routine before the onset of illness.

- Provide adequate lighting in bathroom, especially during evening hours.

- Try bathing instructions written by a doctor on a prescription pad. For example: "Bathe 2 or 3 times weekly."

- Lay out soap, washcloth, towel and clean clothes in sequence so that the person with dementia won't have to wait.

- Use a quiet, calm, matter-of-fact approach. For example: "Mother, your bath water is ready."

- Simplify the task of bathing as much as possible. Do one step at a time, gently talking the person through each step. Combine visual and verbal cues when giving instructions.

- Try giving the person with dementia a washcloth to hold or something to fiddle with for distraction while bathing.

- Play soft music in the background to create a calm, relaxing atmosphere.

- Try not to get nervous, excited, or threatening to the person who objects to taking a bath. This only causes additional agitation and frustration. It may be helpful to wait and try again later when the person's mood is more favorable.

- Try using liquid soap and a large sponge for easier bathing.

- Encourage a bath instead of a shower if a person can get in and out of the tub. Baths are generally safer, less frightening, and easier for the caregiver to manage.

- Avoid getting into lengthy discussions about whether a bath is needed. Instead, tell the person one step at a time what to do to get ready for the bath.

- Wrap a towel around the shoulders of the person sitting in the tub and fasten with a clothespin if he/she is embarrassed about being undressed. It is important to respect the person's privacy and dignity.

- A hand-held spray attachment on a flexible hose can convert a tub into a shower. The attachment can be helpful for rinsing the person thoroughly and makes washing hair much easier.

TWICE BLESSED: You are truly a blessing to all of us!! I look forward to reading all of your posts. Thank you.
Take care, Marge

Best advice I have on this subject is find someone to help you bathe her. I know for some getting help in the home might be too expensive, but if you can it's worth every penny. In my town bathing visits cost about $50 a visit

I couldnt get mom to bathe more that 3 or 4 times the first year I was with her. She would fight fuss scream for help. I usually just stopped because I didn't want the neighbors to hear her screaming.

Recently She spent two months in a N.H. after a fall. They bathed her twice a day in the NH so that helped me to see that it is possible to keep her clean. Now she is home again, and my turn again.

I finally Scheduled the local "Visiting Nurse" organization to come here twice a week and bathe her.

Our only bathroom is up a flight of stairs. She can stand but after the fall too much work to get her to the shower, so we bathe her in the kitchen, combo of hair wash in the sink and then a washcloth bath.

She fights and fusses through the whole thing, so I work on restraining Mom while the Nurse does the bathing. It's all done gently and with love, but we do have to force her.

In the end, she enjoys being clean and smelling nice.