Where Does One Start?
Our mother hasn't been officially diagnosed with alzheimer.
But there is NO doubt that she has the illness/s.
She's with my sis in another state and will be returning home (alone) this week.
A doctor's appointment will be made (tomorrow) with her GP to get her to a specialist.
What can we (children) do to handle the affairs from afar?
What are some early things we can do to prepare for the road ahead?
It's as confusing as the illness.
Thanks ~M

1) What symptoms and behaviors are you seeing so far?

2) Here's a guide to the stages of Alz that may be helpful:

http://www.alzinfo.org/clinica...zheimers-disease.asp

3) And a great overview:

http://www.alzheimer.guelph.or...tia%20Experience.pdf

4) Start by getting your arms around her financials - list all her assets (cash, property, bank accounts, pensions, car, whatever).

Get control over her bank account so she cannot spend whatever money she has unwisely or be taken advantage of.

Get bills handled online.

5) Be as sure as you can that the cause of her dementia is indeed Alzheimer's. There ARE other causes of dementia. Some (not many, honestly) are reversible, and others require different meds (like frontal-temporal dementia).

Her doctor should refer you to a neurologist that specializes in dementia. The usual workup includes MRI and/or CT scan to rule out other causes, extensive blood work to rule out other possible causes of mental confusion like a thyroid problem and a review of all her current meds in case they are interacting and causing cognitive problems.

The assessment will also include a battery of tests (mostly verbal, some written) administered by the neuro's office or potentially by a psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker who is knowledgeable about dementia and its diagnosis.

People with dementia driving is a big concern of mine but many people are fine in the early stages. It really depends on their abilities.

The Hartford insurance company has a site that addresses this. This might help. Alzheimers dementia and driving

You say you are handling things from afar. Will someone be at the doctor with your mother? This is necessary since many people have been told they have dementia but either cannot remember or just deny that the doctor ever said that. They think they are just fine.

Taking care from a distance is really difficult since you are not there to see the progressions of the disease. It can get really bad and you just will not realize how bad things are.

Add to the list getting all of the paperwork in order. POA, living will and advance directive. These need to be done while she can still sign papers and make decisions.

Good luck. This is a difficult disease.

How old is she? Planning wise...there can be a big difference between someone 60 - 70 -80.

You are starting in the right place. If she is indeed diagnosed with AD she needs to live near whichever one of you is willing and able to oversee her care. That is probably step three after getting all the legal and financial stuff in line. It is all very hard to get one's mind around.

First, I am sorry that this has affected your family. It is a difficult disease.
SEcondly, you are at the right place. Come here and ask questions. You will always find someone who can help.
Don't try to do everything in one day! Read as much as you can.
Start where your mom is, if driving is a problem, dealing with that first. You will need to have someone be responsible for handling finances and things.
Take it one day and 1 step at a time.
Good luck and keep coming back here. This forum has been a life saver for me.

Hi, Yo, welcome to the forum. There's a good article on first things to do at:

http://alzheimers.boomja.com/C...rst-Steps-61311.html

Thanks everyone it's great to have someone to lean on and glean from.
Delores will be 83 next month. (I believe)

Things just started unfolding/opening up this past month.
From what I've read so far we are starting off in the right direction.
Took a walk this evening under the full moon along the creek it was good to let things go that away.
I think one of the biggest things is not to let fear get a grip on the situation.
Prepare for what's coming down the road, but stay tuned up and focus on what's at hand.

She always had a fear that she'd be a burden to her children---now it's time to try and help circumvent that.
Thanks again for your input---I'll be around more for sure. ~M

Welcome, Yo!

It's good that you are seeking information early. It is a difficult disease for any family, but long distance caregivers have additional challenges. We began our journey that way.

When it began to be obvious that Mom had some form of dementia, my brother and I began to coordinate our calls and visits more. Then we would share EVERYTHING we saw or heard with each other so we could understand her deterioration. I then made a trip to her home to get things in order. We got the will updated, the DPOA signed, my name on her bank accounts, and I took her to each of her doctors to sign the HIPAA release forms so I could get information on her health care from them over the phone.

I also enlisted the help of every relative, friend, and neighbor that I knew to watch out for her and let me know if she needed more assistance. Unfortunately, no one seemed to want to "tell" on her, so things got pretty bad between our visits and no one called me. When I started calling to see if they'd seen anything, EVERY one of them, without exception, said "I'm so glad you called, I've been so worried about her". So you can only trust some people so far.

My mother was always like yours, she didn't want to be a burden. When it got time that a move HAD to be made, we used that. We told her it was too hard for US to watch over her from that great distance...700 miles for me and 900 miles for my brother, and that it would be a great relief for us to have her close by.

It hasn't been easy, it never is. But at least we've worked together to see she gets the best care possible.

You've found a wonderful forum full of great folks with lots of experience and knowledge to share. Welcome again to our community! I'm sure you will be able to share what you've learned with us.

quote:

Originally posted by dj okay:
I also enlisted the help of every relative, friend, and neighbor that I knew to watch out for her and let me know if she needed more assistance. Unfortunately, no one seemed to want to "tell" on her, so things got pretty bad between our visits and no one called me. When I started calling to see if they'd seen anything, EVERY one of them, without exception, said "I'm so glad you called, I've been so worried about her". So you can only trust some people so far.

.

I don't think this is really fair -- or realistic -- to expect people to keep an eye on your relative and then make a phone call. People are pretty busy with their own lives and their own responsibilities.

For example, by the time I get home from the NH after dark lately, I've been noticing an elderly woman down the street out at the end of her driveway picking up leaves or sticks or something. Her age, the darkness...makes me wonder what's going through her mind. But I don't even know her name -- much less if she has any family. And I'm worn out.

Yes, people may tell you they will "help" but the bottom line is -- life gets in the way sometimes.

At 83, her health can diminish rather quickly. My mother went from assisted living to a NH in just over a year, for example.

My mom had wonderful neighbors who were indeed concerned about her, but she had told them awful lies about me that sounded possible to them, so they were trying to protect her from me! They were also in denial about the extent of her problems. Our AD folks are almost always in worse shape than we or their neighbors think they are.

Any suggestions on how to get her to her first appointment to get the medical process rolling & so it can be "official".
She is digging her heals saying she doesn't need to she a doctor to tell her she's sick in the head. I'm saying we make the appointment and come to town and go with her.

She will fly from Oregon to SW Idaho in the AM then drive 250 miles (stick shift) by herself. and return to an empty home after we had a "friend" that took advantage of her removed from her home.
(very long story)
I'm sure my sis is overwhelmed and needs space to think also.
I'm more of a go to do it get er done now.
I think she is farther along than anyone else does...well my sis knows she's been with her.
How many times do ya throw up your hands and want to walk away...
btw if ya can't tell my relationship with my mother has been strain for several years.
Do mostly to the a$$ that took advantage of her...OH MY!

First thing is we all need to pray that she makes it home safely and doesn't harm herself or someone else while driving or that she doesn't have a meltdown in the airport.
Then for what to say - "Oh mom, you're not sick in the head and that's not what the doctor is for. We need to see the doctor to get a complete physical and make sure that you don't need extra vitamins or something." And if she is aware of her memory loss and it bothers her, you can tell her that there are medicines now that can help with the memory problems that come with old age. Don't make it about her mental health - that's frightening to them and they will dig their heels in and you'll get nowhere.
Marie

She made it home safely it took awhile,
she used the secondary roads.
We've made a Doctor's appointment one of will be there with her. She's always been one for taking care of herself very active, been exercising, volunteering, and eats fairly decent. She's always used quality supplement, we will have to evaluate and see what ones will need to add.
Thanks again for ya all input. ~M

Yo - Living in Florida, I see many AD "victims" that are left alone because their families think they are still alright. This is wrong and these people are often far worse off than their families want to admit. I also see many who are treated by their GP rather than going to a neurologist (with someone) where they belong and demanding as many tests as possible to confirm exactly what is happening. A few verbal memory tests are not enough. A neurologist is also the best doctor to handle the assortment of medications she should take and will need (and they will change and someone needs to be there to observe). Your mom needs someone to oversee her finances, medicines, nutrition, driving,schedule, etc. The deterioration will happen faster than you think - a NASTY disease!

quote:

Originally posted by Yoidaho:
She made it home safely it took awhile,
she used the secondary roads.
We've made a Doctor's appointment one of will be there with her. She's always been one for taking care of herself very active, been exercising, volunteering, and eats fairly decent. She's always used quality supplement, we will have to evaluate and see what ones will need to add.
Thanks again for ya all input. ~M

quote:

Originally posted by Yoidaho:
Any suggestions on how to get her to her first appointment to get the medical process rolling & so it can be "official"

Hi Yo, kudos to you for taking action right away. Twice a year a in my community, a local counseling center holds a free screening for memory problems. I got my mom to go by telling her that I felt I needed to get screened and suggested that she get screened at the same time. Her sister and mother died from dementia aat age 78.
It worked.

K