I have been reading posts for several weeks now and have found a lot of wonderful information on what to expect and how to handle various situations that we have to deal with.

I just recently became the primary caregiver for my grandmother. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s approximately 4 years ago and is Stage 5.

Gram has been living with my Mom for the past four years (she has no idea how long she has been there). Mom was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in January and past away 3 weeks ago. When Gram originally set up POA Mom had POA and she had listed me as successor POA which has made that part of life a lot easier. Since Mom's passing Gram has moved in with us (My Husband, Fourteen year old Son and Myself) and we have started her in full time daycare (I work full time). I wasn't sure how she would do in daycare but so far she seems to be enjoying it. Some days she asks if she can stay home and I have to explain to her that with her memory problems the doctor said that it is not safe for her to be alone. Gram has always been very easygoing and goes along with whatever I tell her. I feel very blessed that we have not experienced any negative behavior. My Sister has agreed to help with weekend care which will help a lot. HOPEFULLY our Uncle (Gram's Son) will do his part, each of us taking every third weekend. Gram's other two sons live out of state so helping with daily or weekend care is not possible.

So far the hardest part of caring for Gram has been dealing with the death of my Mom. Sometimes she remembers that she is gone and other times she wants to know where she is or if Mom is mad at her and that is why she is staying with me. Alzheimer’s is such a strange disease. Sometimes when I remind her that Mom is gone she gets emotional other times it doesn’t seem to affect her.

Thank you for all of your wonderful information and insight. I will continue to check back daily.

Leah

LVR, welcome to this group. you will find a wide variety of people who can usually answer most of your questions. They are good people who don't mind when you have to vent.

You said your mom passed a few week ago, I am so sorry for your loss. But you a courageous and great person for taking on Gram.

You said that Gram sometimes remembers Mom is gone and other times no. Thats part of this nasty disease. And when she can't remember is when she reallly gets upset. Try telling her, that mom is off to work or sleeping and she will see her later. Try to distract you Gram when she gets on this subject. I know it will be hard but it beats the alternative of having her and you upset,

I hope the cargiving schedule you described works out. Best of luck and keep us informed.

Leah,

Welcome! You sound like such a lovely person. Thank you for being there for your precious Gram. She sounds like a doll. Sounds like you have a plan, and support of your sibs and extended family. You all are blessed.

I'm so sorry about your loss of your Mother. What a brave soul you are. When Gram asks about your Mom, try to change the subject, redirect the conversation, or tell a fib. After my Dad died, my AZ mom continued to ask where he was. My brother and I disagreed about how to handle this. He thought that we should continue to remind her that Dad was dead. He believed that since she still had long term memory, that if we reminded her over and over again that eventually this knowledge would become part of her long term memory.

What I have learned after years of dealing with this is... do whatever you have to do to keep your loved one content... emotionally, spirtually, physically... tell lies if necessary, let them eat ice cream for every meal if they want, if they think you are their father, then pretend you are their father, if they see a scary boogieman in their room you chase the boogieman away instead of trying to convince them that there is no boogy man. Just go with the flow.

Wish you and yours the best of times with Gram.

PS--- use this time to document all family history... Write down her stories... Oh how I wish I had asked my Mom more questions about family history - now there is no one left to ask.

Jane

Start now getting involvement from your uncles that live out of state. Do not let them get used to doing nothing. They need to be involved from the get go. It's wonderful that things are going so well for you all now, but that could change, and you may need their help. Unfortunately, with many of us, our sibs and family become so used to us "taking care of everything" that they do not do their part.

My daughter's name is Leah also, and she lives in Florida too (in St. Pete.)

Jane