Hi, I'm new to the message boards. My mother in law lost her husband to cancer last week. We have had 24/7 caregivers in their home for several months. Now that Dad has passed we want to move Mom in with us. She has severe dementia. We are giving her 2 weeks to stay in her home with the caregivers to get used to the idea of Dad being gone. I have cared for my father who had ALS, and my own Mom who had cancer,so I'm used to caring for the physically ill, but I know this will be a whole new type of caring. She is very healthy and physically fit. She swims for an hour 3x a week and walks her treadmill every night for an hour. I will make sure she keeps up her fitness routine, but if you all have any ideas for me I would love to hear them.

Hi, Lorisdc. Good for her that she's so physically fit. I doubt I could keep up with her.

When you say she has severe dementia, do you know what stage she is in? Obviously, she moves around pretty well. Does she want to move in with you? If she's still really aware of her surroundings, that could be a real issue from the get-go.

I'd try to place some of her things around the house especially in her bedroom so it feels homey to her. Make some of her favorite dishes for the first several meals.
Are you planning to take her to daycare or have health aides to help you out?
Is she moving to a different geographic location so that she'll need new doctors?
Some things, you can plan. Others, you'll have to play by ear and adjust as time goes on.
Good luck.

HI Lori

Welcome to this message board..Namaste Rosie

Here's some very good information on the stages of dementia.

http://www.alzinfo.org/clinica...zheimers-disease.asp

What kind of dementia do you think she has?

If it's Alzheimer's, it isn't very advanced if she's still able to use a treadmill. She will likely lose the ability to use a treadmill in the moderate stages.

I mention this only because it means you want to be very clear on what the future will bring - it will be a lot worse than it is now.

The physical end stages of ALS and Alz are not so different - but how you get there is totally different, so you're smart to start researching now.

Hi Lori, welcome and orient yourself by reading some of the other posts. My mother is living with me and my husband so I know it can be done even though it's not always easy! She just turned 90 yesterday, but she has always been physically active and I try to keep her going even though it's harder and harder. In our case I walk with her every day and/or set her up with an exercise DVD of chair exercises. (We have 2 that we alternate plus I just found a website and ordered 2 more.) Having some of her familiar things around her should help, and keeping her active should help. You're off to a good start! It will also help if your husband (her son, right?) has her powers of attorney -- maybe that's already been done -- and that one of you accompanies her to doctor appts. so you know what's going on. Bless you for taking this on! Come back often for support and advice.

quote:

Originally posted by Lorisdc:
We are giving her 2 weeks to stay in her home with the caregivers to get used to the idea of Dad being gone.

I dunno -- two weeks isn't very long unless you and she had agreed long ago that she'd move in with you right after Dad died. I don't know what to expect when the remaining spouse has severe dementia -- but doesn't it take most people over a year to "get back into life" very much? Of course it might be a tremendous comfort to her to be living with you -- but it's also one more big change. Even one big change can trigger a lot more memory loss and confusion -- so I guess all I can say is "expect the unexpected" and try to be very flexible.

The exercise routine will certainly help -- but she'll need so much emotional support too. Will she still have visits from her current friends? People from her church or synagogue? Does she have a therapist or counselor?

I would recommend that you go a bit more "slowly" on getting your MIL to move into you home with you...

You must allow her to adjust to the loss of her husband,,,on "HER OWN" terms,,,not terms that you and your husband wish for her to do.

Obviously your MIL and her husband have the financial resources to have in home care,,,I suggest that you keep it that way for now.

Physical activity is paramount to do for someone that is in the stage your MIL is in,,which can be anywhere from early to early mid stage.

And although I highly commend you for all of your past caring for another LO,,,alzheimers is in a league of its own. And nobody is ever prepared for the ever changing phases of alzheimers,,at least not til they've been thru it once before.

I would encourage you and your husband to find a good caregiver group meeting in your area,,and attend together if possible,,if not,,then go alone,,so you can learn from a group meeting just what it is you are about to possibley embark upon.

Your MIL will be more confused as she tries to adjust to the loss of her husband,,,does she acknowledge that her husband died? Is she still able to remember her husband?

You and your husband must learn that all things take time & adjustment,,so let MIL adjust to the loss of her husband,,,don't try to give her a time frame that she has to move into your home,,it will only stress her out,,and make matters worse.

Take things slowly,,with always keeping an "ever watchful eye" on things with your MIL,,,you'll know when its time to be a bit more "insistant" in asking her to move in with you.

I wish you and your family the best of things. Your MIL is very blessed to have a DIL such as yourself,,that is concerned and caring. Please do find a good caregiver group meeting,,call your local council on aging,,or Senior Resources to see if they can direct where meetings are held. Please do keep us updated on things. Peace

Lorisdc,

Welcome to our community! You will need to educate yourself as much as possible on caregiving for the dementia patient. There is much good information and experience on this forum. There are a number of good books as well. I recommend "The 36-Hour Day".

I have also found a wealth of information in the Alzheimer's Library at:
http://alzheimers.boomja.com/#

You will find many caring, compassionate, and knowledgeable folks here. Please continue to come back and do let us know how it's going.

Thanks for all your responses. Today my MIL seems happy to be moving in with us. We'll see what tomorrow brings.