Hi everyone. I've been away for a bit, have caught up a little on some of the posts. I hope all of you are well and hanging in there.

When last we spoke, hubby had elected non-work as an option. Well, after a harsh dose of worldly reality, he has a new job. It's temporary, but will last for several months, so that's a load off for a while. Whew!

Anyhoo, now his family wants us to come visit, but they are a 15 hour plane ride away. Time off from work is no big deal, we can both get that, but being 15 hours away - by plane - is. For me, anyway.

I know we've all had our "should I take a big trip" questions, but I'm having a hard time with this one. I go between feeling OK to take the trip, to being really worried that something will happen and I'll be half a world away, to feeling guilty for not going.

I think I have my answer here, but now I feel bummed because my answer to myself is: I can't take the trip.

I told him to just go visit by himself, which is a little stinky as well, but what else to do? Bummer. Eh, anyway, just sharing my bummer feeling.

Aside from my Aunt, and the ALF, my father really doesn't have anyone else to look after him if something goes wrong. And I would hate it if something drastic happened and I was so far away.

Bleh!

OK, enough with that. I just felt like coming here and writing this to you all, because I know you know how I feel.

Love to everyone. xo

OK, I feel stupid for posting this. It's such a minor thing. I can't delete it though! Blah!
This is not a huge problem, I just feel crummy.

Oh I can relate, and I'm not even thinking 15 hours away. I just hate the "what if" monster. He lives with me and is constantly whispering in my ear. So I can't give you any sage advice - but I can wallow with you. Sometimes pity parties are a necessity and you certainly deserve one!! Maybe someone on the boards will have a wonderful suggestion ... its not really a minor thing, its one more major unexpected life change and it hurts not to be able to do things with your hubby or family.
Marie

Well, I think you should go on your trip. I feel that we should not all put our lives on hold. I know my mother would not want me to just sit around and not go anywhere or do anything because something might happen while I am gone.

You need to think about what your dad would want you to do and then not feel guilty about the decisions you make.

Aw! Thanks so much for taking the time to "commiserate" with me. I just hate the "what-if" monster. Seriously, were it not for this awful situation, I would LOVE to go. But I just have that nagging awful feeling. Thanks, I know you understand!

Oh my yes. And my mom taught me to never ignore those feelings. She always claimed that sometimes "she just had a feeling." I can't begin to tell you how many things I didn't get to do because of "a feeling." And since I didn't get to do them, we'll never know if something would have happened or not. LOL But yes, that's one of the unwanted bags I carry around so I completely understand.

No problem or situation with AD is small or minor. Everything related to it takes a lot of thought and consideration. Spontaneity goes out the window. It's hard to know what to do sometimes. I feel for you, been there time and time again. Maybe you can go if you can set up a plan with your aunt if anything should go wrong, often we feel this sense of urgency to be around all the time, and sometimes we can get away for awhile as long as we have put plans into place for our loved ones. You know best what the situation is and how you feel about it. I wish it could be easier.

I wish it could be easier, too! I thank everyone for their input.

I spoke with my Aunt about it, and she is totally fine with my going. It's funny, because so often we tell people to ask for back up, and there I was last night, hemming and hawing about even just calling her about it. Yeesh.

I felt a little relief with the decision. and if something happens, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, I suppose.

We're going to make a full "what-if" check list and plan and make sure everyone involved knows it. I also think a really great link is the "What happens if something happens to the caregiver". Good ideas there.

Now hopefully I won't get swine flu right before we go. Am I a Negative Nancy or what? LOL!

Thanks again.

Oh ShellyShell

I'm sorry for your situation but thanks for making me smile. Swine flu! It's pretty sad that I actually said that today. Well, at least I don't have swine flu. I guess I'm a negative nancy too.

By the way, it's good to see a familiar name. I do remember your name from way back. I joined in 2007, too.

Take care.

Lori K

Hi, Glad you made a dicission. I have the same problem about working. Should I continue or should I stay home all the time. If I go to work and something happens to my husband how will I feel. If I stay home will he drive me nuts and will I be able to rejoin the work force later. So I have found a sort of guideline. My husband is 93 so he has at the quanty of life, now I want to give him the quality. I need to work so I can afford to give him extras and be at my best because work is a break. He also gets anxious when I am around all the time. So that is what I based my decision on. There are truly no right answers so I believe you find a believe that you know you can live with and work on that. If you take the trip and come back refreshed you will be a better caretaker. If something happens well it happens. I wish we could always be there when we are needed but we can't. But to be there and at our best we have to do somethings for ourselves. Your can never be the best to others if you don't but yourself first sometimes. That is a fact. I learned that dieting believe it or not.