MIL has been off the wall for about a week now. She had a good 2 days and then fell back into that pattern. Previous to this she broke her shoulder and we think the pain killers set her off. She has not had any in over a week and her neurologist had us increase the serequel. Her grandaughter's wedding is in 2 weeks and I am afraid to take her on the plane even if she is somewhat better. My husband feels that she will be devistated if she does not go when she realizes that she missed it. I am araid that the ride will set her off. Any suggestions? Any experiences? Thanks and please help.

Heidi, is there any way to build up you MIL's reserves for the trip? If it were me getting ready for a trip, it would mean probably 3 days before the trip, that I would need to spend doing minimal activity. My fatigue is especially brought on by visual and auditory clutter - - how about your MIL?

I'd need a few days just hanging around, even bored. On the ride to the airport, take a nap or something to keep from looking at the passing scenery. Ideally on the plane I'd limit what comes into my eyes and ears, and try to nap. At the destination, again, just keep stimulation to a minimum, so she'll be at her best when needed for the ceremony. Maybe when it's appropriate she can stay in a quiet, dim room, storing up energy like a battery.

Anybody else, with ideas?

Would she even realize she missed the wedding? Does she talk about the upcoming wedding without someone reminding her about it? Would she remember going to the wedding?
Could you ask the neurologist for something for the plane trip? There's no telling what else will be happening on the plane. She could get stuck sitting near crying babies and unruly kids for the whole trip. How does she usually do with loud and annoying situations?
She's not going to be flying alone if she goes, correct?
Have you explained the situation to the neurologist and asked his or her opinion?

Heidi, how long a plane flight are we talking about? Would you have to connect with another plane along the way? And where would you stay, and how much help would you have with you?

This makes me very uneasy. Travel can be extremely hard on our ADLOs even without injuries and problems with pain and needing antipsychotics. And what if it wasn't the painkillers that set her off? What if she is declining because of the impact of the overall experience? Or is still in pain due to her injury being slow to heal?

You're very likely to run into serious problems with airport security. You would need to contact the airline and security at each airport along the way, well in advance, to ask their advice on how to handle this situation. You probably need a letter from her doctor, confirming that she has dementia and may not behave well, to show to security.

Also, make plans for what you would do if you missed connections, or a flight got cancelled, or -- heaven forbid -- you got stuck on the runway for hours. Will the flight(s) be long enough that she'll need to use the lavatory on the plane? Will she need help to do that?

Be sure to bring along plenty to occupy her while she's on the plane and in cars/taxis. Plenty of snacks, and also plenty of liquids, so she doesn't get dehydrated. Many travelers do get dehydrated, and that could make her symptoms worse.

The confusion from traveling, from staying in a strange place, and from all the hustle and bustle of a wedding is very likely to make your MIL worse. You would need to have plenty of the seroquel with you, and some way to get a different med prescribed if it doesn't keep your MIL calm enough.

And plans in place for what to do if she became too agitated to travel back to Florida.

Also, you should probably contact the local police where the wedding is to be held, to discuss with them what you need to have in place should your MIL wander away while you're there -- that may very well happen. She will be disoriented, staying in a strange place. You'll need to take precautions to make sure she won't leave the hotel room or house or wherever, during the middle of the night ... things like pushing your bed across the doorway, or buying one of those travel alarms for the door. And find out if there will be adequate night lighting for her to see, maybe buy some nightlights to take with you. She should not stay in a room by herself.

Have you talked to the granddaughter, to find out how she would feel if your MIL disrupts the wedding? Because that's pretty likely to happen, too.

Have you talked to the neurologist, to get his opinion of trying to travel with your MIL so soon?

How likely is it that your MIL will realize she missed the wedding, or even care?

One more thought-
Do you think she'd do better if you drove instead of flew?

If you can get the worrisome details worked out and you think she'll enjoy the wedding, if it were me, I think I'd go for it if I were you, though I'd probably make it a road trip instead of a plane trip.
I definitely wouldn't let her fly alone though(not sure if that was the plan or not). That never seems to work out well and there was a post recently about a man from Michigan with AD who got lost flying alone.

I don't have any experience with flying with my LO. I needed to move her from CA to Iowa last October. She was living with my brother and he felt that driving would be better since she would think it was just another trip to the grocery store or something. He felt the whole plane experience of going through security and all of the waiting might be too confusing.

So I drove out and drove her back. We stayed in motels 3 nights. She kept asking when we would be home since she could not understand what we were doing but she was fine during the trip. However, she had not had any anxiety issues before this or it might have been a different situation. Keeping an eye on her every minute was rather nerve-wracking. Would not be such a problem if there was someone else along to help.

I think she would have been fine flying also but I could just picture getting on the plane and having her start screaming that she wanted to get off. Or refusing to get on the plane at all. And we would have had to change planes to add to the confusion. As it was she just thought we were taking a long time to get back home from the beach. And she did not remember the previous day at all. By the way, she still thinks she is in CA since she does not remember the trip.

I wouldn't do it. But that's just me

1) I doubt she'll ever know she missed it. Heck, it's entirely likely you could actually go and she would STILL not remember it.

2) Flying - even short trips and Alz are a bad, bad combination.

For example, what if the flight is diverted due to weather or equipment problems? It's not unusual for that to happen, and it can easily turn into a two-DAY delay while you wait for the next flight (I've had this happen on more than one occasion.

Now, imagine you're traveling with someone who can NEVER ever be left alone, even for five minutes.

Plus, you're in very loud and chaotic environments when you fly, where movement is restricted at times. What if she has an outburst and/or becomes highly agitated or upset on the plane?

You said she's on Seroquel so I assume she's already demonstrated delusions, severe agitation, or other psychiatric dementia symptoms.

3) And long drives with someone w/ AD seem just as bad.

What if the car breaks down? Now you're in the middle of nowhere with someone who's demented. And again, can't be left alone, may become extremely agitated and out of control.

In both cases, you're in settings that are totally unfamiliar to your LO - which tends to agitate them more - and you don't have outside help of any sort that you can count on or reach out too easily.

My mom does fine flying, but she does not have agitation issues. I think that would give me second thoughts. One problem my mom does have is confusion. How long is the flight? Going to the bathroom could be a problem -- my mom could not figure out how to get out of the airplane toilet and there was not room for me to go into the cubicle with her. In public restrooms I always look for a handicap stall so I can go in with her, or I guard the door.

There must be ways you could explain why she didn't go to the wedding if she finds out about it afterward. If I were in your shoes with what you describe, I don't think I would try it. Think about the bride and groom -- it is their day and would she detract from their joy? Most people wouldn't take an unruly child to a wedding either.

First of all, what Grassflower said. Every bit of it makes sense when you think about it.

My personal gauge for "what we do" goes like this: If it makes my tummy hurt, just *thinking* about it, we don't do it.

If I think to myself "how am I going to be able to handle *this*?" we don't do it.

If I look at Mom, and think that - whatever it is - will NOT benefit her in any way... WE DON'T DO IT.

What is the worst thing that can happen if you go?

What is the worst thing that can happen if you don't go?

Finally - Do you *really* think that she will fully realize/remember if she did or didn't go?

These decisions are so hard, because we want (sometimes at all costs) to keep/make things as "normal" as we can - for us as caregivers, if for no other reason.

When my mother was in stage 5 I drove to FL from Louisiana and it was not a pleasant trip. She told me at one point she was never getting in the car with me again as she did not know where I would take her and she wanted to be home now and we are going the wrong way. The hotel stay was ok but must have motion alarm for the door so that you are aware if trying to leave room. Is your husband feeling that his mother would be upset by not going or is he putting his feeling into what he wants her to feel?
Any place that was loud or noisy or if large truck went by she was scared. No more trips for us as that was an adventure I will not repeat. She walked away and was going to her house just down the street. My daughter saw her leaving so we followed to see what she intended. Not sure where she would have walked but I got the car and picked her up and said I will drive you and went back to where we were and she said thank you. lol.. Good luck on your decision and what ever it is don't look back as you are paddling with the only paddle you have. God Bless us on this journey.

My mother, Stage 6, who had never been on a plane IN HER LIFE and was petrified of flying, flew from NY to FL one month ago. Of course, she had no idea she was on a plane, thanks to Ativan! (They told her she was on a train!) My sister and brother in law came with her, and THANKFULLY there was no delays, I'm not sure what would have developed had they been stuck on the runway. My sis called airlines before to give them heads up on my mom's condition, and she said they were all very helpful - got them a seat in the bulkhead and let them be first on/off the plane. The probem was that she was very agitated when she finally arrived, and that lasted for several days. I am happy to say that one month later, she is doing great! I don't know how long you will be at the wedding for, but the whole trip may be very difficult if it's for a short time- just something to think about.

My son was married in New Orleans this past January. I did not bring my Mom and Dad because my Dad is very exit-seeking and sundowns and my Mom has Parkinson's disease with dementia. To fly them from Mass. to Louisiana would have required hiring a CNA or other health care worker for each of them. My family said that I would not be able to enjoy the wedding if I had to worry about Mom and Dad's care every minute. Since my Dad had just gone through a period of severe agitation and hospitalization in the geri-psych ward, I was afraid that he would become disruptive, either while traveling or during the ceremonies. The last thing I wanted to do was to spoil my son & daughter-in-law's wedding day.

Let's face it, flying is stressful enough for people WITHOUT dementia, what with going through the TSA security check points, having to be squeezed into small seats, not getting decent food to eat, etc., not to mention delays, cancellations, etc. For someone with dementia, this would be even more stressful and there would be no telling how they would react.

After a lot of thought, I decided to leave Mom and Dad in their NH. I still haven't told them about the wedding. When my Mom occasionally asks, I tell her that the plans are still being finalized, with the economy the way it is my son is working a lot of hours, etc. I did ask my son to write a letter to my Mom and Dad and let HIM announce that he is married.

I WAS sad that Mom and Dad were not there. They would have been so proud to be at the first wedding of one of their grandchildren. However, for the above reasons, I felt it was better that they not attend.

My thoughts are with you as you try to make this decision. Please keep us posted on how everything turns out.