Mom is somewhere between stage 5 and 6.

Only 3 months ago she was in independant living, but a sharp decline in her dementia led to a move to assisted living. In this short time, she has lost the ability to use the phone, or understand television, or know where she is.

She has started falling. She doesn't use the walker we got her a few months ago. If we get her started with it, she will often use it. But otherwise, she doesn't seem to know what it even is, though she has said "I used to have one that looked just like that."

Two weeks ago, she fell and broke her finger.

Two days ago, she fell in the middle of the night and fractured her cheekbone. She's in the hospital, but doesn't know it.

When she gets out, I think we'll put her straight away into nursing care.

Some days I think it would be best if this disease progressed really, really fast.

I am sorry that you're going through such a distressing time with your dear Mom. I have to agree with you: there are days when I wish my Mom's struggle was over and she was at peace.

It is a hard disease. peace

This disease is just so sad and do relate to what you're saying here. When we watch our LO go down, in a way we'd just like to see them fall into a deep sleep and NEVER wake up. Same way with other diseases where the person has no hope of "quality of life" so why be here. Surely not for us!!!

My dear father passed 16 yrs ago from parkinson's disease. I watched him shuffle around the home, shake his limbs constantly and basically just not enjoying his life. When he passed (took his life by his own means) and I first saw him in the casket, I realized he wasn't shaking and finally WAS AT PEACE!!!

Best to you~

quote:

Originally posted by Zheeeem:

Some days I think it would be best if this disease progressed really, really fast.

Oh how I've said this same thing (sort of) many times, although I've said it a bit more harshly. My mother deteriorated at such a rapid pace. She's now in the aggressive, agitated, horrible stage. I have a feeling this stage will last a VERY LONG time! My heart just breaks for my mother. Some people tell me that my mother is behaving this way because she is scared. That makes me feel worse. I hate that she is suffering so. My heart also breaks for everyone on here who is going through this same thing with their loved ones.

So many times I read on here about people's LO's passing away. Although I am very sad for their loss, I almost can't wait for the day that my mother's suffering is over. I can only share these feelings on here as I know people here understand.

quote:

Originally posted by jazzy1:

My dear father passed 16 yrs ago from parkinson's disease. I watched him shuffle around the home, shake his limbs constantly and basically just not enjoying his life. When he passed (took his life by his own means) and I first saw him in the casket, I realized he wasn't shaking and finally WAS IN PEACE!!!

My grandfather who was dying of cancer, that spread through his entire body and he was almost completely blind, yet he still had his wits about him, also took his life by his own means - he was suffering and was tired of causing so much pain to the rest of his family (he left a note). No one blamed him, we proud of his bravery. He was at peace. We all wish for peace in our lives. When the doctors question us about any suicides in our family, we at first were honest about this. What a mistake! They would dwell on it and dwell on it about clinical depression and blah blah blah and do we think my mother might and so on and so on. My mother doesn't have the cognitive ability to think that way anymore (or probably to even remember her own father towards the end of his life).

The only thing about my grandfather's passing was that we wished he had done it in a different manner. He jumped from an 8th floor balcony, almost landed on a neighbor. He couldn't see.

Hi Zheeeem,

Welcome to this forum - you will find many supportive people on this board.

It is always difficult when we see our LOs decline significantly. I agree with you that your Mom needs to be placed. If she is in the hospital for at least 3 days, she can be discharged directly to a NH and Medicare will pay for up to 100 days of care. I would ask the hospital social worker to find a place that has the ability to care for people with dementia because not all facilities are oriented to this. Once your Mom is there, you can determine what the next step will be.

I empathize with you when you say you wish this disease would progress really fast. I think we all feel this way. No one wants to see their LO struggle with this disease. It robs them of everything they enjoy doing.

I wish you well - please keep us posted on how your Mom is doing.

Welcome to the message board. I know we all feel about this disease in confused way. It does have it's own pace for each victim. With the situation as you have stated you are handling. Please come and let us help with venting, crying and believe it or not laughter.
Let us know when and what is going on as we will be watching for you. Glad you are here to share with us.
Sheryl

I just placed my Mom in assisted living about a month ago.
She had been so angry with me for years. I 'took over her life'.
Just what I wanted to do with working full time and having my own life to live:>
Anyway she is telling me now that she loves me and actually gives me a kiss and a hug.
The thing is I know its short lived.
She is really depressed and wants to die.
We both know where this disease is going and I agree with her but she is still only 76 and pretty physically healthy.
She is in about stage 5.
She recognizes me and others but can't do any functions
She is always mad at the TV and the phone.
I too hope this disease moves quickly.
It's been 5 years so far.
The worst thing is my Mom knows whats happening.
She gets mean sometimes too.
I know that she is frustrated and scared but its so hard to deal with sometimes
T

I have silently thought to myself on so many occasions that I wish my Mom's suffering would end. I have never vocalized it and am so glad that I read these posts and realize others feel the same way. I feel guilty wishing the end would come quickly and wonder when it does end how will I feel then about having these thoughts. I wonder if I am being selfish because my life has been on hold for so long and don't know how much more I can take. I sit in the house with her all day long and watch TV and barely get out of the house. My Mom is in late stages and Hospice told me she won't last till the end of the year, but I am not sure about that. Thank you for being so open and honest and allowing me too to share these same thoughts.

quote:

Originally posted by TL:
She recognizes me and others but can't do any functions
She is always mad at the TV and the phone.
I too hope this disease moves quickly.
It's been 5 years so far.
The worst thing is my Mom knows whats happening.
She gets mean sometimes too.
I know that she is frustrated and scared but its so hard to deal with sometimes
T

Thanks. Mom doesn't understand that she has AD. So it's all confusing to her. She's never understood, even in early stages. Sometimes it's a blessing, but it's heartbreaking to see her baffled all the time, and it's also dangerous when she tries to do things that she cannot. Mom has face recognition, but no place recognition.

I've wondered how I will feel when my Mom does die.
I've given it a lot of thought and won't really know until it happens.
What I do know is that no one wants to live like AD patients live. It is not living at all. I really believe in the quality of life not the quantity of years.
My mother is not happy. She was an extremely independent woman.
She is not that person any more.
I talked to a lady the other day, she was a caregiver, all the family was so upset when their Mom died (they didn't visit very often) she wasn't. The suffering was over
No you are not selfish.
You are entitled to live your life as well.
Take care of yourself and take time for yourself
T

My mother also has no idea that she has this disease. I mean, she really doesn't know. No matter what stage she was in, she just didn't know, even when she was told.

My mother was a very happy go lucky, very sociable woman. She was a writer, an avid reader and she loved to travel. she can't write or read anymore and forget about the traveling. She won't even go outside. She went to dinners and parties all the time, she loved to chat with people. I have taken many pictures of her over the years, she always had a smile on her face. In the recent photos, the change is so noticeable. No more smiling. She is not a happy person and her quality of life is just, well, not there anymore. If she really understood what was going on, I don't think she would want to live. I certainly know that I wouldn't. I worry every day about what the next day will bring for her. We all know how this disease progresses and ends, and it's not pretty.

I can't even tell you all how good that felt to really get it out.

Marjk,
First HUG
Your Mom sounds like she was a terrific person and that she had a really good life.
I just really feel that we've all lost our loved ones when this disease took over.
There are still a very few moments but they are not worth the pain that I know my Mom is feeling emotionally.
She is horrified and scared and really depressed all the time.
She is on anti-depressants.There is no covering up what is happening and where its going
Thank-you all for being there.
T

I HATE Alzheimer's disease! I HATE what it has done to my beautiful mother! The stress on my family, my sister's family . . . Mom is in an ALF w/ memory care. Sister or I see her every day. It is a full-time job advocating to make sure her needs are met. I'd like to know a great resource for learning about the progression of the disease. How can you tell what "stage" and what will likely happen next. I'm ready . . . finally to look ahead although I know it's not pretty. Mom has lost most language and ability to self-care. She can feed herself and is in a great mood most of the time. Still LOVES to see us and lights up! She has started falling lately and has had 2 bad spells where she deteriorated rapidly over a couple of days and then got better. (Would walk steadily but two days later couldn't walk at all. What is a good resource to help me learn more about the disease progression?

Mom fell twice two weeks ago and lost use of her right hand again. She no longer walks and she has had two TIAs in the last two days. The last TIA occurred while I was in Detroit returning home.

The Docs have warned me that mom will most likely pass of these small TIAs, not her AD. It is so hard to see, and she is so confused and scared. I would not wish this on anyone.

Mom is in a NH and I have sitters for the evening shift and until she goes to bed. This seems to be the worst staffed time of the NH.

I hate it too
I feel so bad for my Mom
My sister has done nothing but fight me and make this whole thing so much harder.
We used to be close but after I placed my Mom (about a month ago) my sister called and left a hateful message on my phone about how awful the way I did it was
Mom went to the Dr. and then instead of taking her home I drove to the ALF
She had fallen the night before.
My sister doesn't work has no obligations wouldn't come up here and help but decided Mom should be in an alf in Southern Ca,so she could visit her.
I explained about the other 90% of care that needed to be done ie financial etc
Anyway enough rant I hate this disease and what it does to everyone.
There are good people out there and I've been lucky to talk with them and get some hugs
So here's a HUG back to you
I'm so sorry
T

Amazing to me how quickly the last stages can go. My DF had been dealing with AD for over 10 years. But at the end, it did go quickly. He was at my house on Easter, and then dead 10 days later after a 5-day hospital stay and 5-day in-hospice stay. Who would have figured this slowly progressing disease would go so fast at the end.

I truly wonder if these drugs they use stabilize things for so long but then when they don't work any longer, things progress even quicker. I used to hear stories about patients in the fetal position for months and even years and I don't hear those now. Just wondering out loud on this one, though.

Good luck with things.

quote:

Originally posted by Debbie from da Creek:
I'd like to know a great resource for learning about the progression of the disease. How can you tell what "stage" and what will likely happen next. I'm ready . . . finally to look ahead although I know it's not pretty. Mom has lost most language and ability to self-care. She can feed herself and is in a great mood most of the time. Still LOVES to see us and lights up! She has started falling lately and has had 2 bad spells where she deteriorated rapidly over a couple of days and then got better. (Would walk steadily but two days later couldn't walk at all. What is a good resource to help me learn more about the disease progression?

Sounds a lot like where my mom is. Over the past several months she has fallen several times, with injuries. Can start sentences but can't finish them. Has trouble eating, just sort of stops, or has trouble getting food in her mouth. (Fortunately, she likes "Ensure" which she thinks is a milk shake.) Starting to get incontinent. Lots of trouble dressing herself. Lights up when I come in the room, although you can start to see a small lag in recognition time.

I find that I both want to know what comes next, and don't want to know. It's like a horror movie. Do I want to watch each scene? Do I want to know what happens next? Really, most days I just want to fast forward through it all.

I realize that some of my rantings on this thread might have seemed harsh. It was really how I was feeling. I too keep hounding the docs about prognosis and when they think this will happen and that will happen. Of course they can't answer, and I'm really not sure that I want to know. I truly hate this disease and the suffering it causes our loved ones (not to mention us). I obsess on a daily basis over what tomorrow will bring for my mother. Sometimes I find myself still in denial over certain things. I was arguing with the staff at the hospital and at her ALF (when she was in one) about my mother being incontinent. NO WAY was my thought. I mean really, I wouldn't believe it. I was wrong. Each time my mother loses another ability, my heart breaks for her more and more.

You don't seem harsh at all
Just human
T

Hi Zeeehm, My mil sounds about like your mom. She too has been in alf for over a year now but the past month she has forgotten how to use the tv or know where she is. She still hasn't forgotten the phone yet as we still get our daily phone calls from her. She is falling and becoming woozy is how she says it. She doesn't know where she is and keeps asking where do I live. This all started about one month ago. Just two days ago, the alf asked us to take her to the dr since she was complaining of something wrong in her head. My husband took her to the ER since it was late and they checked her out and found nothing. They wouldn't keep her overnight because of the flu going around, afraid she would catch it. Sometimes I wished it was over for her since she has always said she doesn't want to outlive her mind. I pray for God's mercy everyday...

I am sorry about your mom. My mother progressed very quickly as well, especially once she entered care. She was getting pretty bad at home, the reason we placed her. She only lasted seven months in the NH. They took good care of her, she just rapidly progressed, first with talking, then she started falling, shuffling her feet and then she had a stroke in November of last year. We went to hospice care after that.

Have you considered hospice care? Talk to the administrator at her placement about it, for when the time comes. They were angels. I know that some folks here have had problems with the hospice agencies they have used, but in all honestly, I don't know what I'd have done without them. They made her last two months much more pleasant for her and were very, very supportive of me and my family. I am still receiving contact from the chaplin, in fact.

Hello everyone,
First of all, I'm so sorry for all your struggles. There's no way that anybody could begin to understand AD until they have been down that road, as a patient or caregiver.

My mom was living alone, driving everywhere, singing in the church choir, fixing meals, paying bills, everything. Then she fell in her home and fractured her pelvis. That's when we got the official AD diagnosis. Nine months later, she passed. The fast progression was unbelievable.

For those of you who wish the suffering would end, please don't feel guilty about those thoughts. We all have them. It is horrible to watch our LO's suffer through AD. I used to ask God every night to take her. Then He did. And guess what? I wasn't ready. I wanted to say, "Please God. I didn't really mean it." Although she had no quality of life whatsoever, I still wanted her here. But that was just for me. The best thing for them is to pass on. But it leaves us feeling so lonely.

She has been gone since 4/24/09 and I miss her every day. I am dreading the holidays.

So what's the point of this post? I'm not sure. I mainly just wanted to tell you all that you should never feel guilty about thinking (or typing on your computer) that you want it to be over. I only had to deal with it for nine months. I can't imagine the stress of watching her fail for years.

God bless you all.

I think we all reach this feeling at one point or another. My father has been going downhill very quickly this year. Started at stage 4 and now he's stage 6. I can only share my wishes with my husband but nobody else seems to understand (except for everybody here).
I also wonder what I'm going to feel when he does pass away.

Stage 4, Stage 5, where do you find out what "stage" is what??????

Interesting that I would log on and see this discussion. I was thinking this same thing this am. My mother seems to be declining almost daily. Today she started walking unsteady, her rambling sentences have increased, she needs help dressing, and is also grumpy and irritable. Tonight while changing her, she was so upset with me she said I was trying to kill her. I told her I was not, gave her a big hug and told her I loved her. I can honestly say I HATE what this disease is doing to my mother. I pray that God will give me the grace to get through whatever road is ahead of us.

Oh! As an aside, we have an appt tomorrow with my mom's dr just to make sure nothing else is going on with her. As she declines, I find it harder and harder to know what is 'just the disease' progressing and what requires medical attention. I figure I'd rather be safe than sorry. I am so greatful for this message board. It helps to know there are others out there going through the same thing.

Welcome to the site where you can say what is on your mind and find that others had the same "bad" thought. Alz is awful disease.
Here are links for s stages. Plus on home page of this site is information about many things.. There is a neat "tour of the brain" that shows what alz is doing to brain.

http://www.alz.org/national/do...opicsheet_stages.pdf

above is link for stages.
Take care and come often to share, vent, cry or just to feel in contact.
Sheryl

This thread has been the most WONDERFUL therapy for me. Thank you to all on here for making me realize that I am "normal" in my feelings and allowing me to vent and write the things that I never thought I would be able to.

I read so many threads on here of people who's LO's are near the end, and it breaks my heart. I know that one day too I will be there. Even though I know I don't want my mother to suffer, I know am I nowhere near ready to lose her (selfish reasons of course).

I was talking to a neighborhood woman last night, who's dog is over 18 years old. She was told by the vet to put her down, but she just can't do it yet. I've been through it before, with my previous dog. We had this whole long conversation about when it's time, we will know. We will know when the suffering is too much to bear (bare?) for the dog. When I went through it with my previous dog, the immediate peace for the dog was unbelievable and I was so happy for him. I held him and told him that I love him and it's ok to let go. We both got teary eyed thinking about it. Then I came home and bawled for my mother. The point of this, I have no idea.

i thought that this disease moved slowly but in the last 4 months my dad has gone from totally functioning to close to child-like. He repeats "whats going on?" at least 1000 times a a day and will only eat finger food or cold food and not much of it. He is 92. My mom is 85 and she cries all the time. I feel really helpless - my mom does not want me to move in as a caretaker but i think that the situation is killing her figuratively and literally.

I hate this disease

quote:

Originally posted by Marjk:

quote:

Originally posted by Zheeeem:

Some days I think it would be best if this disease progressed really, really fast.

Oh how I've said this same thing (sort of) many times, although I've said it a bit more harshly. My mother deteriorated at such a rapid pace. She's now in the aggressive, agitated, horrible stage. I have a feeling this stage will last a VERY LONG time! My heart just breaks for my mother. Some people tell me that my mother is behaving this way because she is scared. That makes me feel worse. I hate that she is suffering so. My heart also breaks for everyone on here who is going through this same thing with their loved ones.

So many times I read on here about people's LO's passing away. Although I am very sad for their loss, I almost can't wait for the day that my mother's suffering is over. I can only share these feelings on here as I know people here understand.

sometimes quickly is too slow

I know that I have years to go (my Mom does I think)
Her depression at where she is and how her mind is going is so awful.
I almost hope that her awareness would go but then she'll be worse so I just don't know .
She gets so angry but I would too I'm sure.
Just wish it wasn't me that gets it most of the time.
Since placing her I have gotten more positive from her so that's been a gift to hold onto
T

quote:

Originally posted by bigos:
i thought that this disease moved slowly but in the last 4 months my dad has gone from totally functioning to close to child-like.
I hate this disease
Some days I think it would be best if this disease progressed really, really fast.

Welcome to this site bigos

My mom's disease seems to be progressing more rapidly now.....she's forgotten how to dial a phone, wash dishes and more....I'd like your feedback about guilt and placing her in a nursing home...I am ready to place my mom (although she hasn't fallen and she knows she's at my house). smariej@yahoo.com

quote:

Originally posted by Bela:
My mom's disease seems to be progressing more rapidly now.....she's forgotten how to dial a phone, wash dishes and more....I'd like your feedback about guilt and placing her in a nursing home...I am ready to place my mom (although she hasn't fallen and she knows she's at my house). smariej@yahoo.com

As far as I can tell, it's hard to tell "when". I guess because the disease progresses somewhat unpredictably, the "when" answer varies for everyone.

I moved mom to an ALF when it became clear that independent living was dangerous. I don't necessarily recommend this. I was a bit more ignorant at the time.

When we moved her, she could not dial out on the phone, though she could receive calls. She could not cook for herself. She could not turn the TV on and off. Most importantly, she had stopped going to restaurants at her retirement community and was losing weight. She had occasional delusions about people breaking in and stealing her stuff.

Nowadays, she doesn't even understand phones, TVs, clocks, etc. She has started to become incontinent. She can still dress and feed herself, but just barely. She has absolutely no conception of time and location. She is starting to have muscle control problems, and her balance is getting considerably worse. But, she does recognize faces, and often actually knows who the people are. She doesn't know she has the disease, and is usually fairly pleasant with folks. All this progression took place in about 4 months.

If you think it's about time, you might start looking at places. I made the mistake, for a while, of looking at places that would be best for her as she was at the time. This turned out to be a total waste of time, since she progressed faster than I could submit the applications. It turned out that I needed to look at late/end-stage care, and work backwards from there. I guess what I'm suggesting is that you'll probably know the right time for your mom, and if it's not now it will probably be soon. So it's not too soon to plan.

quote:

Originally posted by burt522:
Interesting that I would log on and see this discussion. I was thinking this same thing this am. My mother seems to be declining almost daily. Today she started walking unsteady, her rambling sentences have increased, she needs help dressing, and is also grumpy and irritable. Tonight while changing her, she was so upset with me she said I was trying to kill her. I told her I was not, gave her a big hug and told her I loved her. I can honestly say I HATE what this disease is doing to my mother. I pray that God will give me the grace to get through whatever road is ahead of us.

Oh! As an aside, we have an appt tomorrow with my mom's dr just to make sure nothing else is going on with her. As she declines, I find it harder and harder to know what is 'just the disease' progressing and what requires medical attention. I figure I'd rather be safe than sorry. I am so greatful for this message board. It helps to know there are others out there going through the same thing.

One thing I have noticed is that whenever mom has "other" health problems her AD symptoms become more pronounced. When she was around stage 4, a urinary tract infection caused full-blown hallucinations and total inability to care for herself - required a week's hospitalization then another month in nursing care, just to get close to where she was before. Lately, she has fallen a couple times, and around these times she seems considerably more disoriented than others. It just seems like these "jolts to the system" makes things worse, and are progressively harder for her to recover from.

Whenever mom has a big change in symptoms, I ask her doc to check if there is a possible external cause. Usually, the answer is no.

There's another post on here about 60 Minutes and head injuries. I think these falls are causing more damage immediately in older people than one the doctors know. To me, the "proof" is in our stories.