As I said in another post my brother her had mother for a week said she was doing real well down at his house. She's been back home for a couple of hours now and she has already forgotten my SIL name twice. Could not figure out which drivers license was the correct one because one expired last month and one expires in 2010. Could not find the number I had just written down for her to call her cousin back. (30 seconds after I wrote in down with her standing right there). Could not remember her grand childs name.

kathy change can really mess with them. You mentioned drivers license? you may want to take the keys away ---- sounds like she forgets alot as it is....

she really doesn't drive. Once in a while to church and I'm keeping an eye on her abilities. If she starts to even seem to have trouble I'll drive her to church. It's only a mile away on country roads so I'm not real worried yet.
Oh yeah I forgot to mention that she seemed surprised that our paper here mentioned Pres. Fords death the same as the paper at my brothers house. Since Ford is going to be buried here you would think she would realize it would be in the paper. Course maybe she didn't actually read about it just saw the headlines. Am I expecting too much logic?

The most important bit of information I learned about taking care of a LO with AD is to remember their reasoner is broken. Once the disease begins to take hold, they are incapable of logic. It's a sad but very true fact. I'm sure the others here who's LO's are further along will agree...

I fought and fought the idea of taking away the license and car for longer than I should have. It is amazing the trouble that can happen in just a short distance and perhaps on other quick visits...there are pamplets out telling of all the possiblities that could happen and have happened. What we perceive as "little" could be larger than reality.
It is the hardest thing to date for my mom still and it's been over a year. She still can imagine driving and has even thought earlier this week that someone crashed the car (someone always = me~~~~car has been gone since March...) You might want to start some of the process---it took well over 2 months just to get the license revoked and then removal of the car do to her thinking that the ID was her license and she even called locksmiths out to get more keys made up for her car..just when I thought I had them all out would come more. They can be very tricky and just when you think you have it made they come up with solutions...they may not be able to find their purse or somehting but they will solve some deliema given time.....it was amazing how she did that. I also would recommend alternatives for driving her places as well. My sibs thought mom could just hop on a bus or something...took me and a social worker to convince them that wasn't good or would work for mom.....so then it became me to go over and somehow they all got to busy to do anything.....

We just read of another instance here, where an Indiana man, elderly but not stated as having AD, was on his way to a close-by family function, and was found several hundred miles away, in Michigan. Thankfully, he was OK, and his family came up to get him.

"Could not find the number I had just written down for her to call her cousin back.(30 seconds after I wrote it down whith her standing right there)"

Kathy,

If this is Mom's memory, she should not EVER drive again. She could get lost in the driveway. You say she drives country roads. So do others. It only takes one other car, an animal dashing out on the road, or a random thought to confuse her. If she can't remember for thirty seconds, how can she remember where the church or home is?

Think about all of the processes of driving,and the sequencies (sp) of what you do during driving. Looking at the road, judging how far the edge of the rode is, how far is the car comming at me, is this enough gas, move foot to brake, how much pressure to apply, guiding the car straight, moving over for a car to pass, or any other thing you can think of. Is she really able to do all this when she can't even remember something from 30 seconds ago?

Sorry Kathy, it is time to take away the keys. You really already know it, if you think about it. You would not have posted something about driving if this was not in the back of your mind.

I know how hard this is on you. My Dad was only driving on country roads too. I am reminded every day when I go out to their car that I did not act soon enough. There is a big dent in the side of the car that he doesn't even know how it happened. I am just thankful that evedinently no one else was hurt.

Please go to the top of the message board and hit the FIND key. You will get a search screen. Key in Driving and read some of the posts.

You have the perfect time right now to start telling her she has not driven since last year. As of midnight tonight, it will be last year.

You can do this! You are strong. You LOVE Mom and want to protect her. Good Luck!

Yes, I'm sorry, but YES, you are expecting too much logic.

If she is this confused there is NO WAY she was not confused at your brother's. And there is NO WAY they did not notice. I had the same thing happen once and I finally realized everyone pretended all was well so they could get her back to me quickly and be done.

Sad, but true.

(De nile ain't jes a river in Egypt, child!)

How convenient for them. They will come around. One day, you won't have to say a word.

I hope you can stop looking for your Mom to make sense... be glad when she does and lovingly supportive when she doesn't.

It's the way she will feel safe and you will find a measure of peace.

By the way, I need to add: I'm sorry to say that I agree with everyone else- she should not be driving.

I know that being a care-giver can be “so frustrating.” And I once allowed myself to be frustrated. But no more. Took me 9 years to get my act together. But for 3 years now, I seldom feel frustrated. Maybe it has something to do with me getting daily respite. Instead of 24/7, I’m 8-10 hours daily. So my Jeanne has a relatively calm, cool and collected care-giver. A care-giver that exudes good vibes. And no apparent frustration. It’s been successful. For me. For Jeanne. We’re making the best of a bad situation. Alzheimer’s is a bad situation. A very bad situation. However, it doesn’t have to be frustrating. But first, one has to gain reasonable control of the situation. And that includes control of one’s self. Which is easier said than done. Believe me, I feel for you "so frustrated" care-givers. I’ve been there. For 9 years. But it can be fixed. I’m living proof of that. I had to make some hard decisions. Putting Jeanne in a nursing home, for instance. And I had to adjust my attitude. My outlook. I had to become more positive. Yes, a positive thinker. Ain’t easy. I had numerous failures along the way. And there’s no guarantee that the bottom won’t fall out some day. One never knows. But I live from moment to moment. From day to day. And it’s working. For now. Anyway, good luck to the rest of you. May you find peace of mind. And less frustration. --Jim

I can easily just drive her everywhere. She doesn't go very many places so her not driving isn't any big handycap. I'll just offer and see if she is willing to give it up without knowing she is giving it up.

quote:

Originally posted by kathyh87120:
I can easily just drive her everywhere. She doesn't go very many places so her not driving isn't any big handycap. I'll just offer and see if she is willing to give it up without knowing she is giving it up.

I suggest not asking, just saying, such as "Come on Mom, I am going to drive you to church now"

Best not to give the choice .. Sounds like she very much should not drive, even a short distance. She could suddenly forget how to get where she is going, lose the ability to make a quick decision when driving, and either she or someone else could get hurt.

Please take the steps to remove the driving.

Marci

Man it was like I wrote your article myself....don't you just hate that....My mom acts like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth around my brother....the frustrating thing is that my brother lets my Mom talk me down....he just agrees and that frustrates me even more...I just want to smack him into reality. How can he think any of those horrible things she says about me. thanks

I have to be careful about telling. Mother gets her back up and won't back down. It's much better to finese her and let her think it is her idea or that I'm doing her a favor.
As for my brother believing things about me that is easy to understand too. Mother pretty much has hated my guts most of my life so everyone has heard and believes the worst about me. Actually I get a real charge out of most others thinking I'm a heartless bitch. I just want them to understand that I will need breaks and sometimes my life will be more important to me than theirs.