Hi Everyone,,well now that the holidays are over,,guess its back to the old grind again! As some of you may have read on one of my previous posts,,Mom was on the warpath bigtime for a full week before the holidays,,,and I had had enough of her and her shinanigans,,so I put my foot down. That was a bad time!

Well when I informed here that I wasn't going to put up with her ways with the holidays coming up and all the activities that we would be doing,,,and the grandkids coming,well 2 of the grandkids,,she was to behave herself,,,and that we would talk after the holidays about her being placed into a nice assisted living apartment,,if thats what she wanted,,but not til after the holidays were over. This was an ok time!

Ok,,holidays are now officially over,,and the shit begins once again!! This is a bad time! I knew it was coming.

Yesterday was a beautiful day,,,I had the mother that I had before the illness struck,,,she was happy,,sweet,kind,,and laughing,,we went to the dentist,out to lunch,,shopping. Why she even worked on her little velvet paint with colored markers last night. This was a good time,,,a wonderful time.

This morning,,,well,,I knew it was too good to last! She was all anxious,crabby and pokey,,,but finally got ready and ate breakfast and then the bus came to pick her up for the ADC. When she left,,she had her fanny pack with her,,carrying it on her shoulder,,,like she usually does.

So,,I go to the caregiver meeting,,,and requested that they have some people like a director from some of the local assisted living centers come in,,just to educate those of us there of what the proceedure is for placing a LO,,the costs,,the perks for the amount of money spent,,you know,,,just getting a handle somewhat on things,, also suggested getting an eldercare lawyer to come in to explain a few things to the caregivers too,,also to have someone from senior resources come in to explain about respite care and that stuff.

Maybe in 3 weeks something can be arranged. But the man that runs this caregiver group said he would check into it and see who he can get. So,,this too is a good thing!

Well after the meeting I went and did some shopping,,my favorite hobby! Got some great deals on a few things for the kitchen. This too is a good thing.

Went to pick up Mother at the ADC,,,and noticed that she didnt' have her fanny pack with her,,asked her where it was,,she couldn't find it,,,(why am I not surprised!),,,asked the bus driver if she could look in the bus to see if it was left there,,,sure enough,,,there it was,,stuffed way under the seat. This was good thing too.

Well,,got back home,,Mother's money is missing,,she had $60 in that fannypack,,,but she still had that "huge shitload" of jewelry that she had packed in that fannypack this morning,,to take along with her. Why did she do that do you ask??? I have no idea! This was a bad time!

Well,,we looked upstairs in her room,,,we checked pants pockets,,robe pockets,,,drawers,,old purses,,under the bed,,jewelry boxes,,the only place Ididn't check was the "heat duct". Never found the money,,,but I'm sure that she tucked it away last night or this morning,,and just forgot where its at,,,and believe me,,,that woman is "real" good at hiding things. This is a bad time!

So I go back downstairs to feed dogs,,get coffee made,,cause hubby will be home soon,,,and he likes his coffee. Mother proceeds to come downstairs yelping like a banshi that she is getting out of here,,,its just not working out between her and I,,,I'm stealing all of her stuff,,,her money,,her junkie jewelry,,you name I take it,,according to Mom. This too is a very bad time!!!!

I know,,,some of you are already saying,,,Geez Raven,,,you know its the illness,,get a grip! Well I will,,,when I can get this out of my system,,and I know its long,,but too bad,,this is my therapy,,and if you don't want to continue to read this,,then don't,,but right now,at this moment,,,its all about me!

I sat Mom down,,,poured her a cup of coffe and tried to gently talk to her,,,well needless to say,,her ass is so high up on her shoulders,,,I might as well have talked to my pugs,, this is a bad thing.

Mom says she wants to move,,,so I tell her that I will start to look at assisted living places for her if thats what she really really wants,,,its not exactly what I want,,but if she feels she would be happier,,then I will do this for her...She says she wants to hell out of here! Well,,I guess thats sort of good thing after all,,,cause then I can have my life back,,I can do things,,go places,,see my kids without having to drive "Miss Daisy" around all the time!

I put on Judge Judy for her,,she loves her,,and hubby comes in from work,,and I clue him into whats happening,,,he says its time to get her out in a place that can deal with her,,her mood swings are becoming too much ,,and yes,,,it is taking its tole on my health. Not good.

So tomarrow,,when the ADC bus comes to pick her up,,,I have 2 places for assisted living that I will start to educate myself on,,and seriously consider,,placing my Mother. This is a gut wrenching heartbreaking thing for me. This is a bad thing!

We live in Michigan,,and I would certainly appreciate any and all advice that anyone can share with me in regards to placement,,what to look for,,,what to watch out for,,and in general,,,everything. Thank you for listening to me,,,I know this is extremely long,,but typing,writing helps me. Peace

Hi, Raven. I love your posts. "at this moment it's all about me" I swear I spit out my coffee. :-)

My only advice in looking for assisted living is inquire if they are private pay or if they will accept medicaid after your mom's assets are spent down. If they don't, then when the money's gone she's outta there and back with you. We didn't realize this when we placed my MIL, and hers is private pay only - so she is going to have to move. We will probably wait until she's at a stage when she won't realize it so much. For now she's happy where she is "at the hotel". From my research, it seems the assisted livings that do accept medicaid will have wait lists if the person is already on medicaid, but if they find out your mom still has assets, (gosh!) something will become available. Good luck. (I'm in NJ, so this may or not be the same in Michigan)

Raven,
1) Don't live in Michigan so can't help you there.

2) No need to apolgize for venting - shoot we certainly have heard worse.

3) I am sorry that it has come to this, but probably it is for the best. Let us know how the search goes.

Check if Asst'd Living is truly equipped to deal with worsening dementia and/or if they have a facllity to phase her into when it gets worse -- upheaval / change is terrible for them so you want to keep moves to a minimum. Our Mom is in Asst'd Living and they are NOT equipped to deal with wandering, etc. as her dementia worsens. So we now have to consider a move. Also, the former advice on accepting medicaid is very important, but of course, the very best facilities are all private and may very well kick her out once her savings is tapped out. Be prepared for sticker shock and for savings to get depleted fast.

PS. My Mom is in small city in Wisc. and there you can find decent facilities that accept medicaid only.

Dear Raven,

Get it out Girl! I know your frustration.

May I suggest that you look in your local phone book for your area ALF's. Also call your local Council on Aging, and Alzheimer's Association. My mom's geriatrics specialist (Dr.) also has a list of local ALF's etc. I would also try calling Department of Social Servies and ask if there are any programs or assistance for seniors in your county after their assets are depleted. That is my next mission, being as my mom's guardian/conservator is hellbent on keeping her home til she is flat broke.

Let us know what you come up with. I hope that tomorrow really is......... a better day.
Blessings to you.

Peace and love,
Marcie

Raven,
I'm sorry girl. It is a stinkin' roller coaster ride, isn't it? As I look back, I had the same thoughts, the ups and downs, the what to dos, all of it...oh wait I STILL do.
You give great advice and you will know what to do..that I have no doubt. Take care. Katerin

Raven,
I don't know where in Michigan you are, but you can Google "assisted living Michigan", and get lots of sites. I am in S.E. Michigan, if there is anything I can help with.
Maebee

I don't know about other states, but in Texas I had occasion to find out when I was helping a friend that ....
She went from a hospital to a rehab facility and then I had to find a facilty where she could live and be taken care of. She was on medicare, but had no insurance. The young lady at the place I ultimately chose said that the law required that if they were a paying patient, when she ran out of money they could not put her out and she would be moved to a different wing and become a medicaid patient. She had enough money to pay one month's fee, then became indigent and medicaid took over.
I don't know if she meant the "State of Texas" law or the U.S. law, but it was certainly good advice and proved to be a godsend.
Best wishes and take care,
Marge